Thanks for the feedback.
Yes, it was an attempt at recreating the oppressive atmosphere that inevitably accompanies loneliness. Having been lonely for most of my life helps! LOL
Thank you all for the encouraging words.
Glad you enjoyed.
Rad, I enjoyed the form and feel.. but in honesty got lost on the ooze and steel.. ( chuckling) perhaps I was expecting the tentacles to be cold and slime covered..the way empty can feel after a night the words that are spoken all come out wrong and you know the things said are like the thing oozing under the door... unstoppable..
Sorry for the ramble... I did truly enjoy... and as you can tell it made me think...
True, the image painted at the outset is of a thing not akin to steel which cannot ooze through hinges, unless--of course--it is in a molten state.
Suddenly, it sprouts steel tentacles. There SEEMS to be a clash there, a contrast between the initial amorphous image and its partially metallic one--certainly!
I was aware of this when I wrote the poem and seriously considered giving the creature "slimy" tentacles as you suggest. But my purpose was not to create an atmosphere of pure horror. I felt that slimy tentacles tilted the mood in that unwanted direction. So I chose a less frightening alternative. One ore in line with the poem's purpose.
Also, I realized that slimy tentacles usually do are not attached to realms of nothingness while metal tentacles could very well be attached to some cyborgish entity which can forcefully transports one to a different plane of existence.
So faced with either getting rid of the oozing part and making the thing totally metallic, or making the it totally slimy and realizing that neither alone suited my purpose while both together did, I exercised poetic license this once and left it as was--a creature with the ability to shift shapes, either partially or completely. Thus it sprouted metallic tentacles. Sorry for the distraction though. Glad you brought it to my attention so I could at least provide an explanation.
Thanks for feedback.
It is also well to keep in mind that the genre of surrealistic poetry permits much greater flexibility in imagery.
So the standards which might apply to another genre might not necessarily apply to surrealistic poetry.
[This message has been edited by Radrook (10-02-2002 02:28 PM).]