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Open Poetry #22
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let down the curtain
| Open Poetry #22 |
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let down the curtain |
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Enotneicna Member
since 1999-06-06
Posts 340Oakland, Or, USA 
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I entered this in competition at writersprompt.com at the end are my scores...and some comments...I finished 4th in 12 entries. let down the curtain let down the curtain crisp and new across the window of our new world together like brand new jeans indigo blue and a little stiff let down the curtain washed and faded across the window of our comfortable world together like soft worn jeans faded and snug let down the curtain frayed and worn across the window of our mellowing world together like favorite jeans almost too threadbare to wear let down the curtain old and tattered across the window of our senior world together like ragged jeans retired to reminiscence Let down the curtain shabby and shredded across the window of our fading world together like those remembered jeans held close to memory’s heart Enotneicna SLR 9-15-02 8 originality and creativity 8 imagery and expressiveness 7.33 appropriateness to prompt 6.67 balance of unity and contrast 7 interest level 6.67 structure, organization and flow 6.67 economy of form 7.67 use of language, dialog and poetic device 7.33 voice and point of view 7.33 mechanics although I liked the use of the blue jeans it seemed to stumble throughout the piece. -- precious1963 I hought this was a very good poem. I liked the associations and the "life" of the jeans. very imaginative. -- Hopalongscotty You have a pretty good poem here but I was expecting it go a different direction, I think the last two stanzas are not much different. I was waiting for the jeans to be discarded, signling the end of the relationship but I guess it's not that kind of poem. i liked the blue jean analogy. -- barnalder Words are my medicine. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sharon Lee Wilcox (Enotneicna) - All Rights Reserved | |||
Krishankins
since 2002-06-23
Posts 972Texas |
Very nice! I do disagree with barnalder, though. His idea about the jeans being discarded signifying the end of the relationship, I think was a little off. This piece makes me think of a very old couple remembering the life they had shared together, so if the jeans were discarded, that would mean that the relationship would have been ended prematurely. I like the way you subtly removed them from the picture without damaging the relationship, only letting the reader relate to the memory of them. Nicely done!! Hey dog, did you see the size of that chicken!? |
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Enotneicna Member
since 1999-06-06
Posts 340Oakland, Or, USA |
Krishankins... Thank you! This is the way my life with my halfside has been.....we are now at the curtain frayed and worn......across the window.....of our mellowing world together. many blessings always Eno Words are my medicine. |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
To heck with what the critics say; it's all about the readers. And this reader loves it! |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (smiles) Yay!!! Yes, don't mind the critics because I loved how the jeans slowly wore out during the whole poem, this is a fabulous metamorphic feel, I love it, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet friend, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Well done! I liked your blue jeans love affair. Worn out and faded are often the most comfortable, or so I've heard. I've never made it past the second wash. |
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Enotneicna Member
since 1999-06-06
Posts 340Oakland, Or, USA |
bsquirrel...Thanks! Noah...You are always so bubbly and cheerful, thank you Dear Friend. Midnitesun...One day when you least expect it, that faded bluejean love will find you! Many blessings to you all always Eno Words are my medicine. |
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