The Edge of Autumn - September, 2002

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Ron

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Member Rara Avis

since 1999-05-19

Posts 8669
Michigan, US

0 posted 2002-09-27 02:19 PM

The first frost came early this year, Mom.

The Edge of Autumn, you used to call it.
Only the most grievously impatient
leaves have begun their shift from green to gold
and Nature's browns are still limited to
shades of desiccated corn stalk,
remnants of a harvest only weeks old.
A few Canadian geese have begun noisily
announcing their winter plans,
much as the silence of the bullfrogs
already announces theirs.

It doesn't seem possible
your Edge of Autumn is already here again.
Only last week a storm swept through,
all wind and rain and Summer's rage,
and I had to rush to close the south windows
from tempest-driven cascades
that seemed to be falling sideways,
from whipping tips of trees instead of darkened sky.
Thirty minutes and it was over.
The sun returned before the mist departed,
painting an arch of muted color
low on the northern horizon.
The yard became thick with martins,
like flitting black snow,
digging for grubs and worms driven to the surface.
They all flew away like an explosion of feathered fear,
perhaps because I looked too hard,
only to alight a heartbeat later in the neighbor's yard.

And this morning,
all the yards along the whole dirt road
are covered in wet shades of white.
It doesn't seem possible.

Five years ago,
I returned home in the heat of Summer,
one day too late for Independence Day.
I didn't regret missing the fireworks, of course,
not considering the circumstance.
I remember it rained the afternoon
I pulled into your gravel driveway,
a summer squall not unlike last week's,
and I danced with the arborvitae in your front yard,
a little drunk with forgotten memories of youth.
California has no such storms,
and twenty years is a long time
to not hear thunder.
Dad died six weeks later.

The Edge of Autumn was short that year.
We went from first frost
to heavy snow by mid-October,
leaving jack-o'-lanterns
wearing dirty white caps
and the lake sheathed in polished ice.
By the time I found a rental it was November
and we were in the grip of a merciless winter.
I decided, not for the last time,
that two decades without snow
wasn't nearly long enough.

Christmas was at your house.
No one in the family knew
it would be the last year those floors
would glitter with spent tinsel.
I bought my nephew cheap plastic swords
and we spent the afternoon battling each other
at the expense of your fragile nerves.
It shames me that I didn't know you better,
and had no way to judge
how quickly you tired.

If there was an end to that winter,
I honestly don't remember it.
The mud of spring rain is forever
shrouded in the memory of
twice-a-week chemo,
and the incessant bugs of summer
are forgotten and replaced
by pain killers that only worked
at the cost of consciousness.
The anniversary of Dad's death passed.
Eleven days later, so did you.

There was no Edge of Autumn that year.
Not for me.
The first frost of the year went unnoticed
and September became,
perhaps for the rest of my life,
a month of introspective mourning.
October was only slightly different,
as lackluster shades of yellow and red
gave way to the stark emptiness of November.
December was white,
January much whiter,
leading to a dirty gray February.
Color and purpose
were equally hard to find.

Ironically, as spring awoke
and donned fresh clothes,
I found new purpose
by encouraging others to do
what I could no longer comfortably do.
My novel, the one you so wanted to read, languished
while I spent my days reading the words of others.
There is a central character in my unfinished story,
a young boy, Mom,
who has been bitten by a vampire bat,
and the only way his friends can spare him
is to painfully cleanse
the spreading rot with holy water.
Twice-weekly?
I could save him, as I could not save you.
Strange that I haven't.

Do you remember the young couple
who lived across the road from you, Mom?
Three years ago I bought their property
and now live just eighty-seven irregular steps
from where I last held your hand.
This spring I planted a long row of your favorite flowers
in the front yard,
though it'll be several years
before the seedlings give birth to May lilacs.
I put in trees for Dad, too,
though not his favorites,
because black walnut and oak grow much too slowly.
I planted weeping willows, instead.

It doesn't seem possible four years have passed,
and these are the first words I've dared write of your death.
You always loved this time of year
and looked forward to pumpkins, candy corn,
and the inevitable cacophony of color
you knew would soon unfold.
Did I ever tell you, Mom,
how much I envied you that?
The early frost marked the Edge of Autumn for you.
For me, it was just the first kiss of winter.

When they buried your ashes
next to Dad's,
they should have interred
my final ties to this place I once,
as a child, called home.
Instead, I've stayed,
and am only now beginning
to understand why.

I will never love this land
the way you and Dad did,
but I am, at least,
learning to appreciate its wisdoms.
For twenty years, Nature spoke to me with the voice
of eternal mountains and unending ocean,
a beautifully droning monotone heard in the distance.
Today, her voice is closer, louder,
and speaks more clearly of well-charted change,
of cycles within cycles,
each reflecting the lesser,
each a part of the greater.

You showed me your Edge of Autumn, Mom,
and your death has slowly taught me
to look for it outside
the narrow rectangle of my kitchen window.
Beyond the Edge
lies beauty, then peace, and finally a rebirth.
I see this morning's early frost
and begin to suspect
the Edge of Autumn
exists for Nature, for Life, for Purpose.

And even, perhaps, for grief.

The Crimson Knight
Member

since 2002-09-16

Posts 57
Reno, NV

1 posted 2002-09-27 02:23 PM

Sir,
You write powerfully,
Give emotion to every line and paint us all a picture with your words, with words like these to remember those emotions of so much love will never fade.
Thank you for sharing.

Miah
Senior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 1062
Pennsylvania

2 posted 2002-09-27 02:26 PM

I, umm am utterly speechless. There are no words to describe the beauty in this. A wonderful masterpiece. I am so very moved. Thank you for sharing.

Midnitesun

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since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

3 posted 2002-09-27 02:34 PM

"the Edge of Autumn
exists for Nature, for Life, for Purpose.

And even, perhaps, for grief."
True, so true. Thank you, Ron, for sharing this part of your Edge.

Martie

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Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

4 posted 2002-09-27 02:41 PM

Dear Ron

You have taken the reader into your deepest thoughts so easily, like a leaf falling from a late summer tree, I went with you and saw the love, the questioning, the fragile dirt of grief, with the beauty of natures turning. I saw, not just with your eyes, but with your mothers...and because mothers are bonded in some loving way, you took me to my own mother and brought tears to my eyes in seeing her again, passing a year after my dad...with cancer held and taken. Thank you for this loving talk to your mother, so personal, yet so all-encompassing with humanness. It is a very special sharing.

caterina
Member

since 2002-07-25

Posts 188
Canada

5 posted 2002-09-27 02:42 PM

Absolutely beautiful!

Thankyou for sharing.

caterina

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

6 posted 2002-09-27 02:50 PM

...

Ron, dear poet sir..I have been rendered speechless by this masterpiece of remember. Your imagery is impeccable as is your way of telling us your story.

It goes without saying this indeed is a keeper, a treasure, a priceless portrait of your personal life. Thank you sir for not only inviting us into your home, but sharing yet another layer of the remarkable man you are.

~Hugs, Nancy~

~ Time has cast a spell on you
So you won't ever forget me ~

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

7 posted 2002-09-27 02:57 PM

"You showed me your Edge of Autumn, Mom,
                               and your death has slowly taught me
                               to look for it outside
                               the narrow rectangle of my kitchen window.
                               Beyond the Edge
                               lies beauty, then peace, and finally a rebirth.
                               I see this morning's early frost
                               and begin to suspect
                               the Edge of Autumn
                               exists for Nature, for Life, for Purpose.

                               And even, perhaps, for grief."

(big hugggssssss) God Bless You, sweet friend, oh my gosh, I am so very blessed you have shared yet another chapter of your life with us all in this wonderful poem! You too may never be able to see nature the same way your mom and dad did, but know always they will love you so much and their spirits will always guide you through every placant rustle of the leaves, the benign caress of the zephyr, their love touching you like that of the fyoung fawn sipping from the stream of life! (big hugggssssss) This is outstanding, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Ron, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

8 posted 2002-09-27 03:14 PM

Ron,
A compulsively readable portrait
of grief and moving on
by staying where you are.

I love the oak and walnut,
the martins,
the end of color for winter.

In short,
the whole thing....

Moonlight Romeo

Senior Member

since 2001-09-10

Posts 982
The heart of you

9 posted 2002-09-27 03:33 PM

That I am deeply moved would indeed be an understatement Sir. I have always found that "goodbyes" are the hardest, but that, sometimes, they are necessary.

Thank you.

What light through yon window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

Irie
Senior Member

since 1999-12-01

Posts 1493
Washington State

10 posted 2002-09-27 03:57 PM

Ron,

What to say, where to start?
This I do not know.

Words you layed gently on canvas, painting a picture.
Thank you so much for sharing you.

~Sheri

"Don't wait for your ship to come in ...
Swim out to it"

RSWells
Member Elite

since 2001-06-17

Posts 2533

11 posted 2002-09-27 04:40 PM

A very mature write. Go ahead and plant the black walnut, and some oak.

Toerag
Member Ascendant

since 1999-07-29

Posts 5622
Ala bam a

12 posted 2002-09-27 05:08 PM

This is superb...your descriptions of your parents and how you lost them could be written word for word with mine....this is excellent.....

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

13 posted 2002-09-27 05:34 PM

I expect excellence when I see your name... the weeping... for both mine and yours... caught me by surprise. I don't have words to tell you what this means... or how deeply it has touched.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

14 posted 2002-09-27 05:35 PM

I understand why it took so long for you to write this. But I am so glad you did! This is such a simple poem..no fancy words or intricate rhyme scheme. Just your heart..your respect..your grief..and your acceptance. I believe your mother and father are there with you as you stand on this edge of Autumn, their hands on your shoulders, gently sharing this season.

Your poem is so well done, I cried reading it. You asked once to define poetry - we can look no further than this poem to find the answer.

Thank you.

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis

since 1999-11-08

Posts 9269
Pennsylvania

15 posted 2002-09-27 11:15 PM

Ron

I loved the sincerity and the natural candor of this piece. I felt I was tiptoeing up to somebody's window and watching their lives. THis could be the introduction to a novel!!
Very well written
Liz

Paul Wilson

Member Elite

since 2002-07-07

Posts 4711
United States

16 posted 2002-09-27 11:15 PM

Ron...A very touching and heartfelt look into your heart shared with all of us. A sad time of year for you I am sure, hopefully the fond memories of your parents will renew themselves within your heart to help fill the void...Paul

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

17 posted 2002-09-28 12:05 PM

As I read down the page, I found myself reading the lines out loud---no, not in a bold voice but one that was in hushed tones---a voice that reflected the reverence with which I regarded your words--your story. I read slowly, taking in the images, the feelings---sharing a part of your life.

You are a writer of great import.
Respectfully yours
Earth Angel

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

18 posted 2002-09-28 03:51 AM

Much wisdom revealed in this piece, Ron, as well as the price gaining such wisdom often entails. To lap words of praise unto this work would never do it justice, but suffice to say that you have touched me in a very personal way with this work - in a place I thought untouchable. Perhaps I am still searching for the edge of my own Autumn, but I find hope and strength in your words.

Bless you,

Michael

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

19 posted 2002-09-28 04:19 AM

Parental love runs deep and this poignant piece of poetry shows just how far and beyond it goes. You breathe the words so eloquently. Thank you for the glimpse, it is truly a remarkable one.

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

20 posted 2002-09-28 09:07 AM

"Instead, I've stayed,
and am only now beginning
to understand why."

Ron, in addition to my e-mail, I just wanted to say that this poem was truly an exceptional piece, and one that touched me deeply. I was immersed in your feelings and thoughts from the first line, through to the last, and what a beautiful journey it was. This is a treasure ...

Best wishes and hugs,

/Kit

Ron

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Member Rara Avis

since 1999-05-19

Posts 8669
Michigan, US

21 posted 2002-09-28 09:16 AM

I wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for their kind words. This poem, obviously, is a very personal one, but it's nonetheless gratifying to know it has touched others. It's probably good, too, to be reminded that my feelings are somewhat less than unique, that others have experienced much the same and for precisely the same reasons. Love is universal, as is death. And so, it seems, is renewed hope.

Thank you, one and all.

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

22 posted 2002-09-28 09:39 AM

Beautiful poetry from the heart, soul, and pen of a wonderful man. Its poetry like this that will always make me hold the quiet respect and awe I have for you. All the descriptions of thought and memories...I've never read anything like them, and I love it.

I'm glad that this finally came for you. It was apparently waiting at a door just needing to be written.

*Jenn*

"two hearts will build the foundation for one point of light
a duet done with passion"

excerpt from "I Love You"

Janette

Member Elite

since 2001-07-20

Posts 2843
Chicagoland for now

23 posted 2002-09-28 05:42 PM

Lovely ... You have spoken what many of us feel whom have lost their parent(s), please pass the tissues, I miss my Mom, too.

CSKpoet
Senior Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 845
Island in Paradise

24 posted 2002-09-28 10:30 PM

I am sincerely sad in emotions for the Edge of Autumn experience in your life. It is an excellent poem of love, testimony and a type of healing. Thanks for sharing such a deep part of your heart.
aloha, Cheryl

Poetry is:
Passion, imagination and intellect running together.

Aloha with warmest regards, Cheryl Stewart Koomoa

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

25 posted 2002-09-28 10:43 PM

Ron - Thankyou so much for giving us a glimpse of your memories and the warmth of your heart. This is the most poignant piece of writing I have read in a long while and it is going into my library. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

Nan

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Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-20

Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA

26 posted 2002-09-29 08:20 AM

Nearly four years ago now, I was blessed with a new friend.  I had no idea at the time just how much my life would be affected by those new bonds that seemed to wrap so snugly about me.  Nor did I realize at the time that your wounds of loss were so freshly impaled, but your devotion to your family was obvious.  I learned quickly.

I felt your mourning… I felt your Mom's presence all about you.  I've watched you dauntlessly continue to protect her brood, as they do the same for you.  I understand better now, why you wouldn't let me read more of "Askaris"… I understand more now, after learning of your Mom's Edge of Autumn - and meandering about among your myriad of seedlings, just how special those lilacs are.

Be sure of this, my forever dearest - Your mother was grateful that you were there for that year.  Tired or not, she was smiling every single minute - even (perhaps especially) as you jousted noisily with her grandson.  I expect she's smiling even now.

There's a very special thing about weeping willows, Ron - They grow quickly and thrive well... They're graceful and stunningly beautiful.  They embrace all about them... and they reach easily just Beyond the Edge - to a place of certain rebirth.

You know that I love this poem...

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

27 posted 2002-09-29 09:23 AM

Ron this is an extremely special sharing of your heart that you have gifted us with and some very treasured memories. Bless you and again we have had the pleasure of your thoughts and your verse. Applauds*

If I have touched one heart through my words, then I have acheived my dream...

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

28 posted 2002-09-29 09:33 AM

You made me cry.

I think I need to go see my mom, too.

Thank you Ron.

Greeneyes

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-09-09

Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind

29 posted 2002-09-29 11:56 AM

Very Beautiful.....
Lauren~

I need some distraction
...oh beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

30 posted 2002-09-29 03:09 PM

She was indeed a very lovely lady. What a special relationship you have with your parents. It is my hope to have this with my son one day. I am so grateful you shared this poem it was meant to be shared, to explain and rekindle so many feelings in yourself and others. Thank you.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

31 posted 2002-09-29 06:49 PM

Thank you for the heart-tugs,
and for the lump...
and the sting...

and for the

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

32 posted 2002-09-29 10:55 PM

Most heartfelt poem I've read in a long time, Ron.

Do you remember the young couple
who lived across the road from you, Mom?
Three years ago I bought their property
and now live just eighty-seven irregular steps
from where I last held your hand.

Really got me with that.

Corinne

JamesMichael
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since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

33 posted 2002-09-30 01:11 AM

Lovely...James

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

34 posted 2002-09-30 02:45 AM

I am totally speechless, not because I didnt expect a superb write from you Ron. This your story has touched me deeply. It's absolutely moving.

Thank you for sharing.

Maree

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

35 posted 2002-09-30 03:52 AM

Ron,

I don't think I should bother to pick out parts of the poem that touched me more than other parts or waste my breath in picking out the best parts of this one... 'cos if I do that I might as well place all the lines.

One can easily read and figure out that this poem is very close to your heart...

and it has touched me even deeper than that can be imagined...

Thanks a lot for sharing your words...

Regards,
Sudhir

Ceinwyn
Member Elite

since 2000-07-09

Posts 2175
VA

36 posted 2002-09-30 03:59 AM

Yes I have to agree touching, I had to go for a tissue run while reading it, honestly...I'm never good at this sort of thing but I guess everyone else seemed to say it well and took the words right out of my mouth..

If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried.

amigo
Senior Member

since 2001-10-12

Posts 520
the earth school

37 posted 2002-09-30 09:58 AM

This is so very touching & poignant, Ron...thanks for sharing this with us...i can see your mom with warm smiles now....healing hugs to you, my friend...

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

38 posted 2002-09-30 10:01 AM

Ron...you have been such a part of all of our lives over the past four years, I'm so happy to see that you've let us become a part of yours. While this poem touched me with its tenderness, love and grief, my spirt soars at the thought that after all this time has passed, perhaps you are finally allowing yourself the opportunity to greive and more importantly heal. Although the priveledge to meet you has not been mine, I feel I know you; and although I never had the opportunity to meet your parents, you've allowed me to see their strength and character through your words. I'm sure that you have done them proud and that they smile down upon your precious thoughts captured here.
...one more last thought:
You write far too little, you do knwo that don't you

Hugs

NewEnglandlazurlu
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-01-04

Posts 7470
A Mountain Paradise

39 posted 2002-09-30 03:28 PM

Ron, I am deeply moved by your story. There is a curiousity of who sits behind these 'blue pages' and so expertly guards and protects this whole village. I thank you so much for sharing a piece of yourself and allowing me into your world through your writing.

Grieving is not easy and it takes time. I hope by planting lilacs and trees and writing this, it helps to bring about a bit of healing for you.

You are a brilliant writer. Hugs, Marti

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

40 posted 2002-10-01 03:41 PM

you write so well and you don't post often enough. Stunning images and thoughts.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

BloomingRose
Member Elite

since 2000-08-09

Posts 3092
Florida

41 posted 2002-10-01 07:18 PM

All I can say is... wow, what a powerful piece of poetry!

Deb

Balladeer

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since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

42 posted 2002-10-01 10:17 PM

Yes, Ron, many have experienced the same thing but I doubt that any can express it as well as you have here. This is very moving, Ron, more so because it is real....and you have instilled the reality of it into every reader. It is exceptional work

Titia Geertman
Member Ascendant

since 2001-05-07

Posts 5182
Netherlands

43 posted 2002-10-01 10:46 PM

Most of us will grieve one day the loss of parents.
I grieved the loss of my father, but even as it has been almost 20 years now, I still feel him around me when I see the beautiful things in nature he taught me to see.

Your verse is such a lovely goodbye to your Mom Ron and I'm sure she's been out there somewhere to watch the Edge of Autumn with you every year

Thank you for sharing this beautiful piece of your grieve.

Titia

Like scattered leaves...my words will flow

Beki
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1569
Newport Beach, CA, USA

44 posted 2002-10-02 01:37 AM

WOW.....Ron, I have never really known yo at all except to know you are the proprietor here at passions...I didn't know you wrote - have never seen anything else here written by you, know what I know of you from Nan...

but damn! This is utterly splendid! Every word is like a prayer...every image astounding in its simplicity, every line a tribute to you rmother...this was worth waiting for, never doubt it - it took all that time for these thoughts to form in completeness for you to pen.....

wow...I am much impressed and believe me, it takes a helluvalot to impress me! I am glad I chose to visit again at a time when this was posted

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

45 posted 2004-12-01 09:08 AM

I started this search in attempt to satisfy Karen..

and I ended up being the one satisfied.

I had forgotten just how good you are at this Ron.

"cast me gently into the morning, for the night has been unkind"
~Sarah McLachlan~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

46 posted 2004-12-01 05:49 PM

Yep. The man can write.

(and Ron, that is not just flattery)

He doesn't believe me I bet.

*chuckle*

But isn't this just so purty?

And folks, ya'll should check out his prose too.

Sunshine

Administrator

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since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

47 posted 2007-02-04 09:03 PM

For twenty years, Nature spoke to me with the voice
of eternal mountains and unending ocean,
a beautifully droning monotone heard in the distance.

~*~

I knew CA as a "born there citizen" but realized my roots in other states, in other planes, in other existances.

But I come to this, again, today, by chance,
and perhaps, by reasons I know not of.

But for a reason, surely.

Thank you again, my friend that I haven't yet met, but someday, shall.

Drauntz
Member Elite

since 2007-03-16

Posts 2905
Los Angeles California

48 posted 2007-06-12 06:38 PM

I have no words on this poem i have tears.

Your parents are beautiful. and they sure are very proud of you. For the love of poem and poets you build this site to bring beauty and happiness to people's life. I can't thank you enough.

I am sorry to learn that both of your parents have passed away. Their spirit will forever live on you.

with deep respect

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

49 posted 2007-06-12 09:24 PM

Thank you Drauntz.

This one of my favorites by Ron.

And Ron? I haven't bugged you about a new poem for a lonnnnnnnnnnng time--y'notice?

*ahem*

a small one? (c'mon...just toss a wee morsel to the masses!)

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