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Open Poetry #22
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On the rocks
| Open Poetry #22 |
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On the rocks |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn 
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I stood and watched as you worked the room exchanging pleasantries with all that caught your eye Smiled to myself as I watched you do that thing you do that fragile compelling so disarming When I turned to leave I drained my drink and chuckled aloud when I felt the ice slide down the glass As if to bestow one final, cold kiss Goodbye ~wranx In reply to "which way do we go?", the answer was never "straight", but, "progressively forward". |
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| © Copyright 2002 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Miah Senior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 1062Pennsylvania |
I really enjoyed this.  |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Refreshing and real. ThisDiamond |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
bit of grit in this Wranx...layered perhaps usnder a sophisticated delivery...but still there just like ground glass on concrete. nicely told.... |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
well the title has a meaning for me quite separate from the poem...and that bit of nostalgia admittedly drew me in... but the poem, I like it. A lot...actually I like your solid, matter of fact way of writing in general.  K |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
smiling... Ron? meet Ed. Ed, this is Ron (Cpat Hair.) (bit of a chuckle for me there) but yes...what a write, wranx...again, your work rings with familiarity. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
When I turned to leave I drained my drink and chuckled aloud when I felt the ice slide down the glass As if to bestow one final, cold kiss Goodbye Ya know this is just really powerful writing and you do this soooo well. Great write! If I have touched one heart through my words, then I have acheived my dream... |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
You certainly conveyed the finality of the good-bye. I think you now need to fill that glass back up again---with sunshine!---don't tell her I said so! tee-hee! Take Care EA |
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vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
enjoyed |
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WhileIWasGone Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486 |
WOW this is great work Ed...I like this very much. DeaDiAmore |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I'm smiling at Serenity's smile...she loves it when she finds  s |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
Excellent write! I love it! I don't know how I missed your work before, but you can rest assured I won't miss any more! Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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FuzzyFrazzledFraggle Member
since 2002-09-20
Posts 155Fraggle Rock |
Intriquing style you've got there Wranx, provoking...and I'm quite somewhat thirsty now  |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
wranx, This reminds me of my villanelle Autumn sand, right down to the dripping ice. I can smell the bar shadows, here (among the cloy of smoke) Mike |
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NewEnglandlazurlu Member Rara Avis
since 2002-01-04
Posts 7470A Mountain Paradise |
Yikes Ron, this gave me the chills! Another wonderful piece of writing. Hugs, Marti Every now and then take a good look at something not made |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Now that's a great scene. I like the feel of this one. Well done. Nan(Pilgrim variety) |
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caterina Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 188Canada |
I really enjoy your writes, you do it very well and they usually have some kind of a twist to them. This I like a lot and a great ending. Thanks for the read. caterina |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
a sharp sting of cheap whiskey aged to a fine mellowncholy you get better and better my friend b |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Sometimes we just have to suck it up and be done with it, but that doesn't make it any easier to leave. Cool stuff Wranx~ |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
a soothing numb of clothes undone watching shadows on the wall.. As I allow myself to fall into the ocean that is you I understand why woman took a chance of everlasting moan... How is it that we could ascend if we not dare to break the stone of walls of mind indoctrinate-- we long for what we have not yet... |
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mycafe Senior Member
since 2002-05-23
Posts 584 |
This is totally cool!! mycafe Keep counting your blessings |
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Krishankins
since 2002-06-23
Posts 972Texas |
I like the subtlety of the last stanza. Hey dog, did you see the size of that chicken!? |
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Dee Member Elite
since 2000-08-19
Posts 2330Queensland, Australia |
wranx, very interesting. I enjoyed it greatly. One to keep I feel Dee Stand straight and tall, not the reflection as others see you, but as you truely are. Clearwater |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Thanks to all for your thoughtful replies. I am abashed ~Ed |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Don't be abashed, Ed... be smiling! |
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A. L. Becker Member
since 2002-09-06
Posts 167San Francisco, California |
dear wranx, the last bit reminds me of that scene with mister deltoid in clockwork orange, where he takes a drink from a glass in alex's house. don't know if you saw that flick. seriously, i loved this poem, as i do all your work. Annie! |
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BtwnRockandHardPlace Member
since 2001-10-23
Posts 98NJ, USA |
hey, I just attended bartending school in the spring. that was great. thanks! |
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