navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #22 » And You Laugh
Open Poetry #22
Post A Reply Post New Topic And You Laugh Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

0 posted 2002-09-17 05:30 PM



~*And You Laugh*~


One more shovel full...
      and you still don't understand

For a moment...
      you give reprieve
And I...
      begin my struggle
                        to dig free

Sometimes
I even see the light
But then...
as quickly as it came
            returns the darkness

Reality hits
as a muddy slap
            across a tear-stained cheek
And I...
once again buried...
            this time deeper

One more shovel full
       and you laugh
as you plant flowers
       just above my head...
My tears supply the moisture
                 by which they grow

Occasionally
you offer a single blossom
      yet hold it tauntingly
                 out of my grasp

I reach...
      stretch...
and reach again....
        and still

I just can't seem

        to reach

                          you...


~vlraynes


"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

[This message has been edited by vlraynes (09-17-2002 05:32 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 Vicky L. Raynes - All Rights Reserved
Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

1 posted 2002-09-17 05:46 PM


Vicky this is extremely well crafted and you allow the reader to feel what you are conveying.  Very well done!  

If I have touched one heart through my words, then I have acheived my dream...

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
2 posted 2002-09-17 05:58 PM


This is heartwrenching. Well done, but my tendency is to reply to such poetry: "Kick him in the rear, and walk out!" But, you know, that's just me.

Nan(Pilgrim variety)

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
3 posted 2002-09-17 06:13 PM


Awesome write

Cold hands means a warm heart

Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
4 posted 2002-09-17 06:41 PM


Enjoyed this poem, though it made my heart ache. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
5 posted 2002-09-17 06:46 PM


Okay, little buddy~
That's it .... let me at him !!!
Ain't NOBODY gonna bury MY BUDDY !!

Gadzooks, girlfriend .... this is soooooo raw with emotion ... absolutely beautifully and effectively done~

Look at you ... free-versing even better than ever~
Me wub you ... and wub this write~
*HUGS*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
           noles1@totcon.com                       

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
6 posted 2002-09-17 06:52 PM


This is so well written, Vicky... I love the starkness of the emotion and the cleverness of the metaphor...
Great job!
~ hugs and grins

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
7 posted 2002-09-17 07:02 PM


Wow...very well done, my friend...and like Marge...lemmeathim!  Really enjoyed.

jwesley

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
8 posted 2002-09-17 08:20 PM


vlraynes - strong emotions you write about and they are written about well. This followed your thoughts all the way to the end and conveyed them well...

BC

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2002-09-17 08:24 PM



...and they wonder
        where the underground wells
              come from.

Excellent, Vicky...excellent.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
10 posted 2002-09-18 01:06 PM



Thank you all for your kind and supportive words.
It means more to me than you know.
I truly appreciate you all taking the time
to read this little piece of my heart.
Love and hugs to all,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
11 posted 2002-09-18 02:07 PM




(big hugggssssss) Oh Vicky, this is so very sad, sweet friend, I hope now you have reached all your truest dreams and hopes and true happiness now fills your heart! (sigh) This is beautifully heartfelt, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Vicky, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
12 posted 2002-09-18 02:18 PM


"And You Laugh"---Excellent title for this poem; however, the ridicule and taunting that you have suffered (if this is you that you're referring to)is, as you well know, no laughing matter.  

You crafted this piece very well---indeed, incredibly well!

May the sun and the moon and the stars always shine down on you.

Earth Angel

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
13 posted 2002-09-18 02:26 PM


Vicky

An incredibly feeling poem.  You used this metaphor to perfection.  Heart hugs to you and a shovel if you need one.  

Auguste
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953
By the sea
14 posted 2002-09-18 03:16 PM


Vicky, you're imagery is both powerful and original in this well thought out piece.  Wonderful!  
cpalmer
Senior Member
since 2001-06-26
Posts 977
Phoenix, Az
15 posted 2002-09-18 05:47 PM


Girl!  You have not lost your touch!  This is so powerful and moving!  You have such a way of writing, that makes me envious!
Love ya
Cindi

The Lonely Stranger
Member
since 1999-06-18
Posts 361
Upstate, NY, USA
16 posted 2002-09-18 05:58 PM


This is indeed a tear jerker .... why do we want most, those who would bury us ??

... and they sent him home happy ... one hundred percent.

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
17 posted 2002-09-18 07:32 PM


..this is no "little piece" of your heart my friend...this is big...

very gripping..

i wish you were here...  

hugs whole bunches.....lv,g


"There ain't no doubt i love this Land....God Bless The USA!" L.Greenwood

[This message has been edited by dgvarner (09-18-2002 07:32 PM).]

Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
18 posted 2002-09-18 08:05 PM



Vicky, this is powerful and your use of imagery and theme is well-crafted.  I feel your words because I see myself in them...it's a keeper~

Take care,
Melissa~

"Poetry is not an opinion expressed...
it is a song that rises from a bleeding
wound...or a smiling mouth"

~Kahlil Gibran~

Skyfire
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381
Riding
19 posted 2002-09-18 08:47 PM


*attacks you with hugs*

I have a lizard, and his name is Jake.

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA
20 posted 2002-09-18 08:59 PM


"A Rose by any other name..."

TradingSpaces19
Member
since 2002-08-31
Posts 134
Arvada, Colorado
21 posted 2002-09-18 09:02 PM


This is well written, and it makes me cry because it is so sad but I enjoyed this poem. I hope to read more from you soon. Keep up the good work. If you ever want to or need to talk email me at TradingSpaces19@hotmail.com

Love,
Andrea
Kruckenberg

amusemi
Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262
A State of Disarray
22 posted 2002-09-18 09:02 PM


I am with The Lonely Stranger.   This touches deeply.
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #22 » And You Laugh

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary