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Open Poetry #22
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BlueEyes
Member
since 2002-08-30
Posts 152
TX, USA

0 posted 2002-09-17 01:12 PM


This definitely not my greatest.. Just random thoughts floating around in this head of mine..(I think my muse is on summer vacation)...


He gave me a diamond,
The day we united.
It was as bright as the brightest star in our city sky

I loved him endlessly
For ten long years
And my love never dimmed, still as bright as my diamond

We were blessed with children
Four kids that make me proud
My diamond still as bright as the sun on their faces…

Things grew bad
And then they got worse
But still my love held on, shining as bright as ever

I tried to hold on,
But the pain proved too much
Too many tears had left it tarnished…

The bruises healed,
But my heart did not.
For on this day, my diamond lost its shine.

© Copyright 2002 Tera - All Rights Reserved
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
1 posted 2002-09-17 01:46 PM


For random thoughts, this progressive pain was expressed very well. ThisDiamond
Magician
Member
since 2002-08-14
Posts 126

2 posted 2002-09-17 02:13 PM


I love this.
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
3 posted 2002-09-17 02:56 PM


This is what I'd call a "raw, real write"----you spoke from your heart---lay yourself bare and let the reader in.

Take Care
EA

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
4 posted 2002-09-17 03:02 PM


Awesome poem

Cold hands means a warm heart

ThunderMage
Senior Member
since 2002-06-20
Posts 812
Canada
5 posted 2002-09-17 03:24 PM


Yea, that was good.

What is life without poetry and adventure?
"Little sister" is just another way of saying "Guardian Angel"!

Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
6 posted 2002-09-17 03:41 PM


I'd say those were much better than rondom thoughts.  
I'd really like to see what happens when your muse inspires once again

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

BlueEyes
Member
since 2002-08-30
Posts 152
TX, USA
7 posted 2002-09-17 04:13 PM


Thank you all for taking the time to reply... It means alot when you look and that "0" has disappeared & a number has taken it's place ! (Yea! )

As for the poem...it was not thought out very well, when I go back in I see the mistakes in the rhythm... but it was from the heart...so I guess in that case iambic meter doesn't matter too much...

Good thing is, I'm only 24 (yes, 24 years old with 4 babies... ) So there is still hope... Hopefully...

Again, thanks to all who replied...


jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
8 posted 2002-09-17 09:43 PM


Me I don't know about all that other stuff you talked about in your comment above,
you know, that iambic thingamajig and all, but 24 I know, wonderful writing I know, 4 kids I don't know - whew!  Always enjoy you my friend...always, even when you're "rambling".

jwesley

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
9 posted 2002-09-17 09:58 PM


BlueEyes - well written thoughts for just a mind that was rambling.



Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
10 posted 2002-09-17 10:11 PM




(big hugggssssss) Oh Tera, I hope these thoughts don't relate to you now, sweet friend, my heart goes out to you and hope now the diamonds of your dreams shimmer, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Tera, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

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