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Open Poetry #22
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secretlife
Member
since 2002-07-30
Posts 359
Grean Earth ,,,

0 posted 2002-09-15 03:38 PM



Don’t hear what I say
I know I upset you
Forget my words to you
I promise it’s the last time
I will let your life be happy
So ignore my silly words
I know that I hurt you
So don’t hear what I say next time


Secretlife,
(Easy come,,Easy go)


© Copyright 2002 RORO - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2002-09-15 03:48 PM


I wrote today about being silent yet in the eyes you can see what you don't hear...

Don’t hear what I say
I know I upset you
Forget my words to you
I promise it’s the last time

I will let your life be happy
So ignore my silly words
I know that I hurt you
So don’t hear what I say next time


I would use some punctuation because there is one line I could read several ways...
I promise it's the last time I will let your life be happy

I would put a period or comma after time. Or a break in the  stanza...just a suggestion

M

the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
2 posted 2002-09-15 07:03 PM


I like it

Cold hands means a warm heart

Night Shadow
Junior Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 41

3 posted 2002-09-16 06:53 PM


No body can be sad from u, sweet angle..
So just Smile...

Night Shadow

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