HEAVENLY VOICES----- (Tanka)

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Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

0 posted 2002-08-31 09:43 PM

Heavenly voices--
Lilting laughter of children
While fairy bells ring.
Listen to the sweet refrain
As they dance in summer rain.

[This message has been edited by Earth Angel (09-01-2002 01:22 AM).]

SimplyGold
Senior Member

since 2002-07-10

Posts 1453

1 posted 2002-09-01 12:21 PM

Earth Angel,

I needed to read this tonight.

Thank you, it is beautiful.

SimplyGold

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

2 posted 2002-09-01 01:15 AM

This really is beautiful, it has a delightful peace to it.

The only thing that bothered me was "whilst," it seem out of place with the rest of the language. I really think that just using 'while' would fit much better. It's like two eras have collided on that line. Your poem is too beautiful to be interrupted.

But please know that I know above all this is your poem and only if it sounds better to you, should you change it. It's just one person's opinion behind the suggestion I make.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

3 posted 2002-09-01 01:27 AM

VAS---edit has been done! Would you believe, I had "while" in my poem, but I changed it at the last mome' (word I learned from Magnus!). Thank you so much for taking the time to critque this poem. Very insightful remarks. You are so right---"while" is more appropriate!

Linda

Tammy Blessing
Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 366
PA

4 posted 2002-09-01 11:11 AM

***dancing around in delight***
I do SO love fairies...and your beautiful poetry. Thanks again Linda. As always..enjoyed.
Peace,love,light and happiness
Tammy

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

5 posted 2002-09-01 11:24 AM

Tammy---Thank you! That was a 'fairy' nice compliment!

Linda

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

6 posted 2002-09-01 01:06 PM

(smiles) Oh Linda, this is so gorgeous, sweet friend, I always cry just thinking of sweet little boys and girls singing in harmony together! (kiss on cheek) This is lovely, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Linda, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

7 posted 2002-09-01 01:55 PM

Noah---what a sweet reply!

Linda

angel girl
Member

since 1999-07-23

Posts 322
within a whisper...

8 posted 2002-09-01 02:54 PM

This made me smile. Nicely pinned.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

9 posted 2002-09-01 02:59 PM

Right back at you, angel girl! (Smilie Face)

Linda

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