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Open Poetry #22
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CSKpoet
Senior Member
since 2002-07-12
Posts 845
Island in Paradise

0 posted 2002-08-29 04:00 PM





sultry summer breeze
amber hills thirsting for dew
ramblin’ red roses

prickly seed thistles
slow swirl in summer breeze
daring sky divers

softly through the eaves,
rays of sunshine peek through shade
contented ferns nap

moist smell of fountain
summer sun glistens its spray
plays water music

plants adorned with jewels
unexpected rain showers
flowers celebrate

parched earth cries for rain
cumulous clouds flying by
carelessly hurry

midsummer magic
camp fire stories are told
lightning bugs sparkle

count the falling stars
night time picnic for lovers
fantastic light show

flirting golden moon
proposing to his Venus
wisteria sky

Poetry is:
Passion, imagination and intellect running together.

Aloha with warmest regards, Cheryl Stewart Koomoa

© Copyright 2002 Cheryl Stewart Koomoa - All Rights Reserved
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
1 posted 2002-08-29 04:05 PM


Outstanding collection of haikus!

Love, Light & Laughter
Linda

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2002-08-29 04:06 PM


I like them all quite well. Very vivid.

I have been told that if a haiku form as metaphors, then it is a senyru. To learn if that's just hearsay would likely take a bit of research and understanding of what the experts are saying.

I had always thought the contricts were, "about nature" and the line and syllable count with a focus on "less is more."

I get a bit of an anxiety attack at the newer parameters that seem to have been placed upon the form.

But, again, let me say that I like ALL of these quite well and the certainly satisfy the original contricts that I learned years ago.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

CSKpoet
Senior Member
since 2002-07-12
Posts 845
Island in Paradise
3 posted 2002-08-29 06:07 PM


EA: thanks for the read and kind words

VAS: I believe the criteria for setting a season ( summer) and nature as a primary topic in haiku and the 575 syl qualifies this book as haiku
Actually If it were in Japanese the syl. count would not be correct to the original masters criteria... Many of the orginal masters traslated in a 223 and various number combos in the syl count.
It does not translate correctly to Japanese..but being American and writing in english...these are western haiku
However, you may have something new to teach me and if you'd like to email me and we shall confer.
Thanks for the time to write such a detailed critque..I appreciate that very much
hugs, Cher

Poetry is:
Passion, imagination and intellect running together.

Aloha with warmest regards, Cheryl Stewart Koomoa

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