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JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

0 posted 2002-08-21 03:39 AM

An Offer of Love

In the beginning
my heart opened slow.
As she offered her love
my love started to grow.
She knew not what the
outcome would be.
Still she gave in the hope
I would be able to see
the beauty of her love
she was offering to me.

JamesLee
August20
2002

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

1 posted 2002-08-21 10:07 AM

James, it seems, by your beating heart icon that you have understood and accepted her love.
Very nice piece, really, very nice.
I don't think you need 'to' in the last line though, without it the rhythm is held well and the meaning is still there. I hope you don't mind my saying so, but a piece this good deserves no interruption of rhythm.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant

since 2000-04-26

Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium

2 posted 2002-08-21 10:14 AM

Nicely done...

regards,
sudhir

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

3 posted 2002-08-21 10:16 AM

Very nice James, and Virginia's comment is right on the mark.

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

4 posted 2002-08-21 11:37 AM

Very sweet read. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

5 posted 2002-08-21 12:05 PM

(smiles) Awwwwwww, this is so lovely, sweet friend, I love it, may her offer of love alwyas bring a light to your heart! (big hugggssssss) This is wonderful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet James, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

6 posted 2002-11-19 03:41 AM

Thank you Vas, Sudhir, Midnight, Nightshade and Noah for the nice comments...James

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2002-12-30 02:59 PM

*smile*

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

8 posted 2007-11-11 01:17 PM

enjoyed

ARCTIC WIND

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