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Open Poetry #22
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bsquirrel
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0 posted 2002-08-20 03:49 PM


The Christmas lights were white and blue
on the day that I left you.

The bed was whitened shadow slate,
that day I knew we were too late.

The window blared out frosted light
the day I left, so snowy bright.

Asleep and breathing soft blue thing.
I tied my shoes and felt no sting.

Walking down the stairs alone,
the light grew warm upon the stone.

A silent bell upon the tree
made no simple song for me.

The boxes wrapped upon the floor.
The wreath swung softly on the door.

Wrapped myself within my coat,
turned away with nothing wrote.

The smell of woodsmoke down the street
made me want to feel complete.

Scraped the snow and ice away
so the glass could guide my way.

Breathing heat within the car,
watched it smoke up from afar.

The gate stayed closed as I drove out,
I braced and backed -- you gave no shout.

Slowly sliding to the road,
the crunch of snow a nonsense code.

Heater on, I drove away
as the sky prepared for day.

© Copyright 2002 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
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Listening to every heart
1 posted 2002-08-20 03:57 PM



Amazing couplets.

Nightshade
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Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
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just out of reach
2 posted 2002-08-20 04:40 PM


Great imagery - enjoyed. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
3 posted 2002-08-20 04:45 PM


bsquirrel - I can relate to this sadness. Best to you...

BC

bsquirrel
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4 posted 2002-08-20 06:02 PM


Thanks, all.

As patterns seem to form
I feel it cold and warm.
-Joy Division

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
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Listening to every heart
5 posted 2002-08-20 07:42 PM



I did not get to finish my first comment.  I was quite struck by the imagery...the way the scene unfolded...

very good, BSQ!

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
6 posted 2002-08-20 10:17 PM


Mr.Squirrel...
This is breathtaking imagery...
a beautiful piece.
~ hugs from my underground burrow

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
7 posted 2002-08-20 10:25 PM


Yanno Mikey...this is one tanfastic write!
The more I read it over..the more I see and feel.
You are amazing!
~Hugs~

~ Time has cast a spell on you
  So you won't ever forget me ~

Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
8 posted 2002-08-20 11:02 PM


Mike

like an old film that stops at each shot, you jolt us into the awareness of leaving, and the sadness of looking back one more time.  well done!

Mistletoe Angel
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Portland, Oregon
9 posted 2002-08-20 11:06 PM




(smiles) Oh Michael, I love the feel of your wonderful words, this is excellent, the mono-rhyme stanza form is so very creative! (big hugggssssss) This is powerful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Michael, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

brian sites
Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475
usa
10 posted 2002-08-21 01:40 AM


gives a 180degree new meaning
to the saying:
giving the cold shoulder
smelling the woodsmoke here
mikeymage
brian

I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles

Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
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British Columbia, Canada
11 posted 2002-08-21 01:47 AM


I felt I was watching an old black and white movie for some reason Mike, and I loved every second of the flick.  Great couplets.

The most valuable thing you own is a smile, wear it, and share it.
Sharon    

Anvrill
Senior Member
since 2002-06-21
Posts 710
in the interzone now
12 posted 2002-08-21 02:39 AM


Baby, y've gotta tell me where this came from, okay?

I now have Apart caught in my head, and I don't know if it's gonna displace anytime soon...

Talk to me, poet-squirrel, k?

i'll be waiting for you
do exactly what you're told

jm

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

13 posted 2002-08-21 02:43 AM


The Christmas lights were white and blue
on the day that I left you.

The bed was whitened shadow slate,
that day I knew we were too late.

This took me back somewhere I'd rather have not gone but gotta tell ya Mike, damn good write.  I mean that.  A new favorite from you.  Trying to push memories from my head...

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

14 posted 2002-08-21 06:19 AM


A very fine write Mike.  The couplets contain such vivid images and you really grab the reader with the ending.  Well done Mike.  *s*

somebody tell me, please help me....
understand.......(as sung by Trace Adkins)

{on the wings of words are spirits fly...and our souls are free~me

passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
15 posted 2002-08-21 07:26 AM


I too have woodsmoke memories.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

16 posted 2002-08-21 11:41 AM


The bed was whitened shadow slate,
that day I knew we were too late.
===============================


yeah...amazing couplets indeed.
you rock...i just love to read.
mothyme

bsquirrel
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Posts 7855

17 posted 2002-08-21 11:51 AM


Glad you all enjoyed this write. I'm not even sure what inspired it myself.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
18 posted 2002-09-16 12:05 PM


this is really beautilful, gonna pass it through again
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

19 posted 2002-09-16 12:13 PM


Thank you, passing shadows, for your kindness.

Mike

Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
20 posted 2002-09-16 12:32 PM


You wrote so vividly, I felt that I was sharing this experience with you. Very sad and moving---this was written more simply than your usual style, but the rhyming couplets were very effective.

~ smiles across the miles ~
Linda

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

21 posted 2002-09-16 12:36 PM


Linda,
I lied in an earlier response when I said I didn't know where this came from.

I was imagining leaving my first girlfriend,
rather than she leaving me.

"It was long ago and it was far away"

Mike

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