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Open Poetry #22
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A Low Ceiling
| Open Poetry #22 |
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A Low Ceiling |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA 
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 A Low Ceiling He lived in concrete land without soil, but was permanently soiled Where cars scuttled quickly thru like sparks in the night and lambs were put to bed early to avoid slaughter. His steel cage with four round feet left trails of rat-like squeals behind He spoke in the poetry words of sailors telling tales of trysts with fragile glass lasses to everyone and no-one in particular stumbling over black coral-sharp curbs groping and massaging his anger into a marching soldier gazing tragic visions thru droopy basset hound eyes With steely claws, he gathered nuts-in-May cans buried in the muck of man like rotted roots Answering horn blows note for note and finger for finger A Black Knight in endless brawl with grief he sold his cans drank his elixer blew out his lantern and bumped his head on the sky (C)2002 Picasso Lyrics [This message has been edited by ShadowRider (08-19-2002 09:30 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Picasso Lyrics - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
He lived in concrete land without soil, but was permanently soiled ================================ that line is a "knock the wind out of the reader" opener... poetically perfect impact... the analogies and imagery had the same powerful, vivid, impact to tell this sad story and do it justice...perfect title too. Well done poet sir. jm If all the tear drops went to heaven |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Jeff you not only write the man, you write his feel, and the last line, perfect! |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
he sold his cans drank his elixer blew out his lantern and bumped his head on the sky and he was a tall man, wasn't he...Jeff.  ~ low ceilinged hugsLyra |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (sigh) Oh Jeff, I couldn't stand working in a place like that, without the sky feeling limitless, oil and gas replacing the aromas of flowers and fresh air and buildings and cement instead of trees and water! (sigh) This is wonderfully detailed, sweet friend, you depict the ideas of urban work so well, this is excellent, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Jeff, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
With steely claws, he gathered nuts-in-May cans buried in the muck of man like rotted roots He answered horn blows note for note and finger for finger A Black Knight in endless brawl with grief he sold his cans drank his elixer blew out his lantern and bumped his head on the sky -------------------------------------------- Jeff, you just keep getting better and better.. What can I say..very very impressive writing here. "gathered nuts-in-May"...This kind poet sir, triggered something buried deep inside of me..a song my grandmother used to sing...something about "here we go gathering nuts-in-May"...I know I'm rambling now..and for whatever reason, I wanted you to know about this beautiful memory you brought back to me of my grandmother singing, oh so long ago. Thank you for this my friend... Wonderful write! ~Hugs, Nance~ ~ Time has cast a spell on you |
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Gemini Senior Member
since 1999-12-15
Posts 1203Wisconsin, USA |
I felt the coldness of this mans concreteness. Very powerful descriptive words. |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA |
All, it is with humble thankx for your replies, that i also must exude a humble thankx that i am not homeless, pushing shopping carts, altho, i have teetered on the edge.....at least, uh, once...... Homeless My heart is lead when i see men walking who are already dead [This message has been edited by ShadowRider (08-19-2002 09:27 PM).] |
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WhiteRose Member Elite
since 2002-07-23
Posts 3208somebody's dungeon |
One of your absolute finest Jeff. I read and read and read again. You captured the life of the man from the inside out. Great Job |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Jeff darling heart this is a real find of wonder. Wonderful writing darling heart utterly utterly wonderful, I love it utterly utterly utterly, your writing is always filled with such amazing images Truly beautiful writing If the moons glow was written in rhyme If the sea flowed at a certain time If the stars dance knew only one song Or if life paused before it moved on I know they would pause and wait for you For you know them well you surely do You write the stars shine in softest hue You paint dreamer’s sky its what you do Where wisdom’s needed your touch is there And where souls need help you show you care Where mystery baffles you shed light Illuming the dark and shining night You are the find of mind that frees me Brushing my soul with real clarity You know I love your writing and this is awesome, I might be late but I do try to get here  Love and warm stuff As always Mushy   Breathe through the heat of our desire |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
wow...left me sitting here thinking deeply |
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