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Open Poetry #22
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VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2002-08-15 01:37 AM


ahhhhhhhh, finally
a sweet, sweet breeze
curls its lovely finger
gently round my knees

it’s a tender promise
a cooling of the night
will caress our wakeful hours
into delicious slumber

there, you feel it,
lingering near the doorway
wafting on the vapors of life
slipping threads of Mariah
through the strands
of your tresses
placing a kiss
upon your sentient cheek



this one I really need help on...sentient is a synonym of ‘tender’ however I don’t feel certain it can be used to modify ‘cheek.’ What’s the consensus out there?

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

© Copyright 2002 Virginia Salter - All Rights Reserved
Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
1 posted 2002-08-15 03:43 AM


Hello VAS.

I enjoyed the serening air of your poem.  

How about "nesh" with "cheek"?  

Essorant.



VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
2 posted 2002-08-15 09:10 AM


do you mean "nesh" in place of sentient?

Also, nesh is not in my dictionary, what does it mean? Totally curious!

I just went to dictionary.com and found that nesh means: tender/delicate

I should have known! Thanks, Essorant!



Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

[This message has been edited by VAS (08-15-2002 09:28 AM).]

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

3 posted 2002-08-15 10:05 AM


Vas I enjoyed the write, but I'm not really good with titles.  Will give it some thought.
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
4 posted 2002-08-15 10:07 AM


Oh, G.S., I'm not looking for a title, just wondering if sentient can work as a modifier of cheek since it is a synonym of tender.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
5 posted 2002-08-15 12:55 PM


I just mentioned nesh because its an endangered word, but I think "sentient" works very well, its is grammatically correct and a choice word.

Essorant

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
6 posted 2002-08-15 01:30 PM


Yes, I think you're right, it is endangered. I'd never heard it, and it wasn't in my Webster's. At least it was on the online dictionary. You must be a wordsmith for certain. I'm impressed. Thanks for sharing that bit of knowledge.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Magician
Member
since 2002-08-14
Posts 126

7 posted 2002-08-15 01:31 PM


How about "Sentient Cheek" as the title?
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
8 posted 2002-08-15 01:35 PM


Interesting, magician, that would indicate you, too, believe sentient is an okay modifier of cheek.  That wouldn't be too "cheeky" of a title, would it?   I just couldn't resist the pun, M. Forgive me.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Magician
Member
since 2002-08-14
Posts 126

9 posted 2002-08-15 03:39 PM


Forgiven. *S*
Though, I've always thought that sentient meant aware, or living, or some such thing.
If so, it still fits. *S*

VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
10 posted 2002-08-15 03:55 PM


So did I, Magician, so I was really surprised to find it as a synonym in my word-processing progaram's thesaurus for tender.  I wonder if it's a mistake. Maybe I should check the dictionary, too.

Well, my Webster says: capable of feeling, having perception.

So maybe a tender person is a sentient being, but then I think anything alive is sentient by the definition above. I think maybe it's stretching it a bit to say the cheek is capable of feeling because it's tender. Of course a sore thumb, tender thumb, is capable of feeling in the strongest sense. Let's form a committee and have a meeting.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
11 posted 2002-08-15 04:11 PM


What does *S* mean?  
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
12 posted 2002-08-15 04:16 PM


I'm not sure Essorant, I think it means "Smile" although one could use the little icons for that.  I'm glad you asked, maybe we'll both find out.

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
13 posted 2002-08-15 08:11 PM




My title idea would be "Vapor Breeze"! I nthink this is wonderful and sentinent is a perfect adjective, this is excellent, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Virginia, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Essorant
Member Elite
since 2002-08-10
Posts 4769
Regina, Saskatchewan; Canada
14 posted 2002-08-15 11:57 PM


Will you vouchsafe my poem "The New Born Day" a read, its nearing the bottom of the page, with no replies

[This message has been edited by Essorant (08-16-2002 12:01 AM).]

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