navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #21 » Portrait
Open Poetry #21
Post A Reply Post New Topic Portrait Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

0 posted 2002-07-30 02:31 PM



Portrait
©2002 C.G. Ward



he plays,
pretending yesterday was farther away
than a shout from the front porch
where he used to dream in other worlds.
heat flickers the nearby grass to show in growing waves
why it's called golden.
a swing, rubber-cracked and pitted with the age of use,
revolves in a tight circle, the epitome of desolation.

how can the sun bear such inspiration
when the crackle of corn
and wisps of wheat
no longer seem as crisp as they did during his 'childhood?'
how can he watch, atop a barren hill
as the chambers that once vibrated muscles
in tune with the pulse of life
fall silent.

empty.

pen to page,
the plains cover a peace of distance
yea, though the mountains grieve it.
pondering the shallows accepted as real, fondling a snapshot
as it flutters in an arid breeze,
the sky falls hot and humid - dry and cold.

it is a vault, she said.
out-of-business, closed for good:
take candy from the shelf and tuck it in a pocket
so you can carry a piece of reminiscence around…
until hunger gnaws at the back of your spine and a little sweet
from before is the only sustenance to be found.
eat, drink, and be merry,
for tomorrow, tomorrow dies as it's done.

fantasy remains.
but then, what was it he said about dreams?
fools and kings, baby, fools and kings.

© Copyright 2002 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved
the_loner_23
Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
1 posted 2002-07-30 02:42 PM


I like this a lot

Cold hands means a warm heart

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
2 posted 2002-07-30 02:47 PM



Ah Christopher...this was very good.  But then I have a fondness for when you write, as you sketch the pictures so very carefully, and I find myself reading them not once or twice, but more, just to know I haven't missed anything....

thank you for this....

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

3 posted 2002-07-30 07:37 PM


Truly speechless. Will get back to this.

hugs

K

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
4 posted 2002-07-31 04:52 PM


you know. . . I'm always amazed when good poetry falls so far so quickly. . . makes me wonder if people don't read it just because they don't know what to think of it. . .

so, I'll send this one back to be seen again. . . because it deserves to be read. . . and appreciated. . .

quote:
fantasy remains.
but then, what was it he said about dreams?
fools and kings, baby, fools and kings.

but, remember, sometimes the fool is a king. . . and the king, is a fool. . .

------------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

paladin
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-08-05
Posts 930
Pensacola,Fl.
5 posted 2002-07-31 05:15 PM


Very well written.I hope you continue to post more poems like this.

paladin

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
6 posted 2002-07-31 08:34 PM


Chris

This....
"how can the sun bear such inspiration" for some reason made me look at earth from a different perspective.

then...
"how can he watch, atop a barren hill
as the chambers that once vibrated muscles
in tune with the pulse of life
fall silent."
broke my heart

When you switched to the more personal level...with "it is a fault" I understood, but lost the connection, yet still it read haunting and from deep, and I admire that.

Not the best at critique, but tried with this to do my best because I really thought this poem good.



Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
7 posted 2002-07-31 08:56 PM


You are one amazing writer..
and always leave me speechless.
Incedible this piece...just incredible.
~Hugs~

*love the new pic.*

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455

8 posted 2002-08-01 02:42 AM


how can the sun bear such inspiration
when the crackle of corn
and wisps of wheat
no longer seem as crisp as they did during his 'childhood?'
how can he watch, atop a barren hill
as the chambers that once vibrated muscles
in tune with the pulse of life
fall silent.


it is a vault, she said.
out-of-business, closed for good:
take candy from the shelf and tuck it in a pocket
so you can carry a piece of reminiscence around…
until hunger gnaws at the back of your spine and a little sweet
from before is the only sustenance to be found.
eat, drink, and be merry,
for tomorrow, tomorrow dies as it's done.

fantasy remains.
but then, what was it he said about dreams?
fools and kings, baby, fools and kings.


Poetically...one reason I rarely go home again.  
Chris...Still trying to figure out how you do this.  Truly, I wish I could write/think/maintain an attention span...lol, like this.  
Damn, this is good!
  

I
I was standing
You were there
Two worlds collided...

INXS

WhileIWasGone
Member
since 2002-07-18
Posts 486

9 posted 2002-08-01 03:11 AM


In awe....beautiful.

DeaDiAmore

mycafe
Senior Member
since 2002-05-23
Posts 584

10 posted 2002-08-01 04:29 AM


Deep thoughts shared...an amazing writer you are, Chris.

mycafe

Keep counting your blessings

Greeneyes
Deputy Moderator 50 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
11 posted 2002-08-02 12:12 PM


You really are amazing.....this left me with different feelings, each time I read,  you are a wondeful portrait there upon your canvas, leave a little room for color....

hugggsssss you...

Lauren~

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind pretend I am weightless and in this moment I am happy

PoetryIsLife
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763
...in my boxers...
12 posted 2002-08-03 03:37 AM


You want to know something interesting? Just today or yesterday, I was thinking about you Chris, wondering where you were. Your threads, especially in the Lounge, were always good for many a laugh.

On to the poem. Simply beautiful, Chris. Spectacular. I'm past the point of deep though, so, I'll go into that tommorrow. For now, just know the piece was utterly wonderful.

Sincerely,
Titus

"They say that a hero can save us. I'm not gonna stand here and wait..."

                  -Chad Kroger

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
13 posted 2002-08-04 02:00 AM


First, I want to thank everyone for replying - I only hope that the times i am here and reply a lot help balance out the times i don't.

Kari - in a few words, you lay down a compliment that comes near to making me blush... nearly.

Sven - thank you for the resurrection. you are right about fools and kings, which was one of the purposes behind the joining betwen those and dreams.

paladin - i hope i do as well. this is close to the goal i have for poetry, though i think it could be tightened ina  few places.

Martie - thank you ma'am. i truly appreciate the effort, moreso since they're not necessary! the switch (and it's "vault" not "fault" ) is one of the new hallmark changes i've added to much of my poetry lately - it's a section that, though connected to the piece as a whole, comes out of nowhere to tie together other pieces of the poem. in this case, the author is envisioning the wasteland that has become his home/heart. he wonders where everything is gone. the vault (eg: his heart/soul) is where all the memories reside of those places as they were in the pre-wasteland era. what "she" has said to him is that the past is past, there is no need to dwell on it. but, (she says, still to the author) "you" carry it around to dwell on it when life gets too hard for you to deal with. she's told him that he uses the past as an escape from the present, when he sees little hope in the future (tomorrow dies as it's done) in turn, he replies to her that the fantasy is there, though the reality is not, then likens himself to fools and kings... or those who live in fantasy, or dwell on it unduly. Uhm - i've said a mouthful here... hope that helps make more sense. Again, Martie, i appreciate your honest thoughts!

Nancy - grrr - lol thank you for the comments.

D-Man - One of the things i regret being away much lately is that i havent' had a chance to dig into YOUR poetry. I think you sell yourself far short of what truly is. added to the fact that i think your stuff is incredibly honest and introspective as is, i've seen improvement in the relatively short time i've been reading. that bodes very well for the future my friend, very well. Thank you sir, for the joke and the appreciation.

Lauren - thank you lady. i do my best, responses like yours makes it worthwhile.

Titus - thank you finally, for bringing this back up and for thinking of me while i've been absent. with any luck, i'll be able to spend a bit more time here, though no promises. my novel is going well, and i'd hate to interrupt that flow. again, thank you.

Chris

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
14 posted 2002-08-04 11:39 AM


Christopher~
I certainly found the intertwining of past to present a most pleasurable poetic path~

'it is a vault, she said.
out-of-business, closed for good:
take candy from the shelf and tuck it in a pocket
so you can carry a piece of reminiscence around…
until hunger gnaws at the back of your spine and a little sweet
from before is the only sustenance to be found.'


*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
           noles1@totcon.com                       

Moon Dust
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 1999-06-11
Posts 2177
Skelmersdale, UK
15 posted 2002-08-04 11:46 AM


I agree so powerfully written yet I'll need to think about it.

If your afraid of the dark, then why did you come?

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

16 posted 2002-08-04 10:15 PM


hey you - have you read the wasteland by T.S Eliot...or better yet...No Man's Land by Harold Pinter - it's a play.

If you're interested in either of them, let me know..

K

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
17 posted 2002-08-05 02:11 AM


marge - thanks luv. preciate your visit... in both senses.  

moon dust - that's my goal. thank you.

k - no, i haven't, and yes, i am.

[This message has been edited by Christopher (08-05-2002 02:11 AM).]

Elizabeth Cor
Senior Member
since 2000-10-13
Posts 879
Over the river and through the woods
18 posted 2002-08-05 05:40 AM


nm

[This message has been edited by Elizabeth Cor (08-06-2002 04:41 AM).]

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #21 » Portrait

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary