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Open Poetry #21
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On Finite
| Open Poetry #21 |
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On Finite |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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On Finite So much sky I dance this lace my breath too fast with heart in race to reach the highway far around a dark on gauze of white nightgown Settle now my keep of whim what will cushion time from limb, just teach this feather soft as skin to flow with fall then lift again with go Tick this rhythm slow the beat its not so much tomorrow’s feat, only a breath then count down from ten and then white paper gown will close within Take then now this blood of count a vial is just the right amount for squinted eye then plastic bracelet my name to glean be proof of how my feet have moved it seems How with hair a mess of curl in flight can you be held back for rubber band you lack so press the minutes each with true you are already moving toward the final view But still with sky I dance this lace sure that time will grant me grace and let me ride again around the dark in gauze of white nightgown |
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| © Copyright 2002 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Martie, This is beautiful in form and function. T'was a pleasure to read, nary a bump. ~wranx The shortest distance between two points... |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
This is perfect poetry but breathe girl, just breathe! (((hugs to you))) Nothing means more to me than faith, |
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Mistletoe Angel
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  YAY!!! Awwwwwwwww, I love this, sweet friend, this is beautiful and flows with such gauze grace, this is a delightful whimsical read, I LOVE IT, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Martie, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
ms martie, can you come out and play? enjoyed it lil neighbor, you do some fine all the time |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Well my girl, I've read it three times and STILL don't know what to say... except, thanks...for the  |
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SnickerNicky9686 New Member
since 2002-07-26
Posts 5Iowa, Scott Co. |
Martie- Great poem. Visuals are good through out the poem. I haven't seen too many poems that have ryhmns within their poem. Yours is among the best I've seen. Good pace through out the poem. I enjoyed reading it. Keep it up! Love -Nikki |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
OH Martie girl... How do you do this? The rhythm...I felt as though I were on a carousel. Beautiful...into my library it goes! ~Hugs~ |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Martie, Exception write, the internal rhyme was a delight and you flew on the lace of the night. |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
I have to ask the same question Nancy did......how do you do this. I don't even have the words.... library. HUGS Enjoy life, this is NOT a dress rehearsal. |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
So much sky I dance this lace my breath too fast with heart in race to reach the highway far around a dark on gauze of white nightgown Settle now my keep of whim what will cushion time from limb, just teach this feather soft as skin to flow with fall then lift again with go Tick this rhythm slow the beat its not so much tomorrow's feat, only a breath then count down from ten and then white paper gown will close within ============================ oh my oh my oh my... moth heaven here  rhymes divine martie-girl...youre doing this like second skin now...this ones cadence proves your just as impressive with rhyme as you are with the free verse that you say your more comfortable with. When the pen is this gifted theres nothing it cant make its own  PS: (IWIHWT!!!!) |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Martie, ya know, I've been sitting here re-reading this a few times this morning. Ya know what, this is truly incredible!! couldn't help myself....it's just worthy of the second read, and the treasure box of jewels collected from Passions blue pages. Enjoy life, this is NOT a dress rehearsal. |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Me thinks I understand this....and yes... breathing is important....don't hold it too long waiting....hugs dear one... |
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ShadowRider Senior Member
since 2001-07-14
Posts 1038USA |
i enjoy the reminiscing of old dances although i have forgotten the steps by now the breathing a little slower, a little less heavy but the anticipation, still a welcome weight. Your poetry is filled with intelligence, verbal originality, and wonderful expression. Jeff |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
Never doubt there to be many more days in purest gowns. Life gives many obstacles to us and our own inner strength along with the power of friends gives so much more no matter how you choose to call it........it works. No debates on that nor on the beautiful fact that I ALWAYS KNEW your rhyme was heaven kissed just as softly as your free-verse. This piece proves it. Inner rhyme, matched rhyme, metered counts with splits to add necessary pause, and thoughts that just ring off the page. Absolutely amazing the gift you hold from heart to mind to pen. This nights treasure indeed with of course the thoughts and prayers to go along with it. (((Hugs))) to you dear friend. |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
wranx--a bump or two on the road is what makes life interesting. Thanks for your kind words. Sharon--I intend to breathe. Hugs back to you! Noah--Thank you for your love and light. DS--Thank you, neighbor friend. Karilea--Thanks for three reads...and your welcome for .?? Nikki--Thanks so much for your possitive review. Nancy--You were on a carousel, my dear. Sy--When landing in the dew, I think that I saw you. Thanks for your kindness. Donna--Happy to be in your library...thank you. Janet--You always manage to make me feel like a master...thank you for that. Barry--Yes, you understand...and I'm not holding my breath...are you? Jeff--Your replies are always so appreciated...especially like the intelligence part. Mark--Your reply is amazing...many hugs back to you, sweet man! |
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Goodknight Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386Ohio, USA |
Martie - this is so well written and so full of feelings and things to ponder. Facing something that causes one to think about their own finiteness is often a tought thing to do. You write so well about it here - Paul |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
MartieSweetSis~ It's stunning~ Absolutely stunning~ You know ... I think you are just wonderful~ Love you ... and prayers are with you~ You'll be out dancing in no time~ Get that gown ready ... gotta sew up the back ya' know !!  LOVE N' HUGS ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Auguste
since 2000-02-16
Posts 3953By the sea |
I'm sending this up for more to read. *hugs* |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I so often find myself saying "this is magnificent, Martie"... but it's true. *S* I love the contrast of body and mind here... one dressed in paper and going through mundane and possibly painful procedures... the other dressed in lace and dancing to the music of hope. *S* |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Martie, This is truly an amazing write. Scares me, though - the images of paper gown, vials of blood, the bracelet (I'm picturing a hospital bracelet), the whole of "finite." But also, you keep the hope alive throughout and make the sadness gentle and soft. Cor |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Paul, Marge, Michael and Ruth..thank you so much for your replies to this poem...they are appreciated. Corinne...I just had a little surgery, thus the images that scared you. Caused me to think a bit on my own mortality. I'm fine, but we all cross over..just would like it to be quick, ya know? |
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