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Passions in Poetry

The Cloud People

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Martie
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since 09-21-1999
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California


0 posted 07-24-2002 09:17 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

           The Cloud People

The cloud people are rising over the mountain of San Gabriel
their hair fluffed up with wind comb
they blow trails into the blue of day
for it to walk on in its play

They look to be of soft intent  casually bent
on looking into the valleys

They are taller than the pine tree
that stands like a scratch of hen on blue
much taller than me or you
the serious hills needing rain
fear the sharp pierce of heat that they contain

The hot breath of their wonder
fills me listening now in wait for thunder

Remember when in the other time
life came from search and find
and all around the magic flew
yes I feel that place in me before
a door that sees this cloud with portent
more than sound and fire meant
a breathing thing that screamed with vent
and sent me crying with one soft look
my mind mistook

The cloud people are rising over the mountain of San Gabriel
their hair fluffed up with wind comb
they blow trails into the blue of day
for it to walk on in its play

[This message has been edited by Martie (07-25-2002 01:04 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Martie Odell-Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved
Madame Chipmunk
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since 12-05-2001
Posts 8552
Michigan


1 posted 07-24-2002 09:19 PM       View Profile for Madame Chipmunk   Email Madame Chipmunk   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Madame Chipmunk's Home Page   View IP for Madame Chipmunk

their hair fluffed up with wind comb
they blow trails into the blue of day
for wind to walk on in its play

Oh how I love these beautiful images, Martie...and I also love clouds.
~ cloudy hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Marge Tindal
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since 11-06-1999
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Florida's Foreverly Shores


2 posted 07-24-2002 09:46 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

There's no denying it ...
YOU ARE POETRY ! ! ! !

That's it !

'Cepting ... I love you~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
           noles1@totcon.com                       

Enchantress
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since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


3 posted 07-24-2002 10:20 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Martie...enjoyed the beautiful rhythm and rhyme here...
Wonderful sweet poetess!
~Hugs~
Mistletoe Angel
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City of Roses


4 posted 07-25-2002 01:29 AM       View Profile for Mistletoe Angel   Email Mistletoe Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Mistletoe Angel's Home Page   View IP for Mistletoe Angel



(smiles) Oh Martie, this is just breathtaking, sweet friend, I love clouds so much and love watching the wonderful shapes and things they create! (kiss on cheek) This is beautiful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Martie, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

BluesSerenade
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since 10-23-2001
Posts 9867
By the Seaside


5 posted 07-25-2002 01:41 AM       View Profile for BluesSerenade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BluesSerenade

their hair fluffed up with wind comb
they blow trails into the blue of day

It's hard to see when the smog hovers over those hills in the summer time.  But still I can picture this clearly.  You write so vividly and descriptively of the scenery surrounding you.   Nicely done Martie~
Dark Stranger
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since 03-19-2001
Posts 13647
West Coast


6 posted 07-25-2002 06:18 AM       View Profile for Dark Stranger   Email Dark Stranger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Stranger

ms martie..
the cloud people didn't come to my side of the valley..you warned me of them and I was looking there...they saw my eyes and pretended not to be interested in a visit.

so cool babe...enjoyed it huge
Severn
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since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


7 posted 07-25-2002 06:43 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Firstly, a couple of points to ponder...I think that the first line could be made much more active but changing 'are rising' to 'rise'?

And the 'you and me' struck me as being a little..childish?

this I love:

The hot breath of their wonder
fills me listening now in wait for thunder

Remember when in the other time
life came from search and find
and all around the magic flew
yes I feel that place in me before
a door that sees this cloud with portent
more than sound and fire meant
a breathing thing that screamed with vent
and sent me crying with one soft look
my mind mistook

sometimes, you right with sheer gift..hope you continue to know that...

love you

K
Janet Marie
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since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


8 posted 07-25-2002 10:35 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

The hot breath of their wonder
fills me listening now in wait for thunder

Remember when in the other time
life came from search and find
and all around the magic flew
yes I feel that place in me before
a door that sees this cloud with portent
more than sound and fire meant
a breathing thing that screamed with vent
and sent me crying with one soft look
my mind mistook
================================

Well ya know I am loving the rhymes and inner rhymes of this imagery rich piece..
as well as the personifications...
very cool write Martie-girl...crossing me fingers the Cloud crowd brings ya some rain
Martie
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Posts 28608
California


9 posted 07-25-2002 11:18 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Lyra--Your kindness is appreciated.

Marge--I love you too!

Nancy--So glad you enjoyed.

Noah--Can see you on the grass looking up.

Blues--You must live near me.  Thank you for seeing with me.

DS--Not quite that way...I warned them of you. Wink!

Kamla--It is so good to get a critique from you.  I always am greatful for what you see..helps me to see better.

Janet--They didn't bring rain, but they will be back again today and we'll see.  Thanks for your words and friendship.

Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


10 posted 07-25-2002 12:39 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

the serious hills needing rain

Big Bear Mountain,
not quite San Gabriel,
but serious, nonetheless,
felt my footprints of decades past
where I bent to push a vacancy
to gather a seedling
of pine,
and tar,
and a bit of water
to help it grow...

it wasn't even Arbor Day
but I planted a tree
nevertheless...

wonderful memories m'lady...thank you....
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 07-29-99
Posts 20770
on the threshold of a dream


11 posted 07-26-2002 09:46 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

the serious hills needing rain
fear the sharp pierce of heat that they contain

The hot breath of their wonder
fills me listening now in wait for thunder

This is superb, Martie... and I agree with Marge... You ARE poetry. *S* I've already enjoyed several readings... plan to enjoy many more. *S* Wonderful work!
Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 06-21-2000
Posts 7338
In the winds of Cherokee song


12 posted 07-27-2002 01:15 AM       View Profile for Mark Bohannan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mark Bohannan

If your words were to be a cloud...then we would scoop them up to build a billowed stairway to poetry heaven.  With that said.....know that I loved it and shall take this one to the pillow for this nights dreams.
Magnus
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since 10-10-2001
Posts 14644
South Carolina, USA


13 posted 07-27-2002 11:22 PM       View Profile for Magnus   Email Magnus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Magnus

Enjoyed the flow and rhyme of this...seems
you are praying for rain too....or less
heat...maybe both...  How's the fishing
going?   Hugs lady...
sodpossom
Senior Member
since 06-15-2001
Posts 745
N.C


14 posted 07-27-2002 11:26 PM       View Profile for sodpossom   Email sodpossom   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for sodpossom

Very nice rhyme and flow.Enjoyed it!
Sunshine
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Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


15 posted 09-11-2005 12:53 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

See?  Part three...
Enchantress
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since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


16 posted 09-11-2005 03:41 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

Love this!

I wait now at the lake or walking by the bay
I wait and listen or put a seashell
to my ear and it all comes back
the wind's soft murmur..and you.

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