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Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California

0 posted 2002-07-17 03:13 PM



Punctuated Heartbeat

somehow, you inserted a comma
between my thoughts,
then a semicolon of despair crept in
and I wondered how best
to parenthesis your sad


Your word caught me with its question mark.
Yes, I knew the answer,
it was written in connection with dash,
separate, but linked by sorrow's hand.



then you ellipsed your     hesitation
blank....spacing
but the mistakes had been made
and the editing began


humbled
I stuttered

deleted and dragged by cumbersome run-ons
     looking for flow    and a rhyme you know

go         girl
     echo        go



stuttering became staccato, then
a paraphrase wouldn't fit
             and semicolons began to dance
to the clacking of the keys
as you sold your soul to the devil's delight


Faster now  
a rhythm not of words
but sound
where I drown in fingers song


a float note still hung low
I grasp   so I may let go



then on the floor,
                   there, near file 13
lay your scattered thoughts
         edited by ruthless scissors


the punctuated heartbeat still pulses
     in exclamation, pointing.



© Copyright 2002 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved
the_loner_23
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since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479
Jacksonville, Florida, USA
1 posted 2002-07-17 03:18 PM



Mistletoe Angel
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Portland, Oregon
2 posted 2002-07-17 03:25 PM




YAY!!! Oh my gosh, I love this, sweet friend, yes, and may there always be many semicolons to always make dreams come true and for endless stories and memories of love to develop! (BIG HUGGGSSSSSS) You and Karilea make such a great team, sweet friend, I LOVE IT, I'm adding this to my library now, we all love you both so much! You have such beautiful hearts, sweet Martie and Karilea, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
3 posted 2002-07-17 03:41 PM


Oh this is wonderful!!
You two duet so well together...
I do hope we shall see more...please?
Love the presentation as well!!
Excellent!
~Hugs to you both~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

4 posted 2002-07-17 03:45 PM


this is incredible Ladies!  more....more...
encore....
Kudo's to you both!  and hugs...

Enjoy life, this is NOT a dress rehearsal.

{on the wings of words are spirits fly...and our souls are free~me}


Cpat Hair
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since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

5 posted 2002-07-17 05:02 PM


nice play of rythm and image..tattered remains discarded....

wonderful compliment of styles here...
I enjoyed

Greeneyes
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Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
6 posted 2002-07-17 05:06 PM


You two, do this very well....what a beautiful read.....


Lauren~

The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket
I lean against the wind pretend I am weightless and in this moment I am happy

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
7 posted 2002-07-17 05:09 PM


When two of my favorite poets collaborate, the result is bound to be superb! *S* I enjoyed this very much, ladies... from the title through the last word. *S*
Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
8 posted 2002-07-17 05:16 PM


duet doit duo...you two are the same person
sometimes I think...(grin) well kinda...dug it ladies

catalinamoon
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since 2000-06-03
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The Shores of Alone
9 posted 2002-07-17 05:20 PM


I knew this would be great, just look at the combination of writers
Sandra

Charisma
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lost in blue pages
10 posted 2002-07-17 05:31 PM


oh my gosh, you two are awesome, stunning piece.

Charisma

Auguste
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since 2000-02-16
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By the sea
11 posted 2002-07-17 06:03 PM


This is very clever.   Wonderful work, both of you!
Goodknight
Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386
Ohio, USA
12 posted 2002-07-17 07:30 PM


Martie and Sunshine - this is just terrific - so clever and so much fun to read - thanks to you both for a wonderful read - Paul
Martie
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since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
13 posted 2002-07-17 09:31 PM


Thank you so much for your replies...Sunshine is so easy to write with... and fun, and fast.  Enjoyed this alot.

Karilea..thanks for the opportunity to do a duet again.   

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
14 posted 2002-07-17 11:30 PM


You two write so beautifully together...
but that was predictable....seeing that each of you is such an exceptional writer on your own...
I hope you do this more often...
~ 2 hugs from my heart...
one for each of yours

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

mycafe
Senior Member
since 2002-05-23
Posts 584

15 posted 2002-07-18 01:38 AM


So uniquely done...but of course from a unique duo!

mycafe

Keep counting your blessings

Sudhir Iyer
Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943
Mumbai, India : now in Belgium
16 posted 2002-07-18 05:13 AM


Incredible writing... from two of my favourites here...

Regards,
Sudhir

Mysteria
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since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
17 posted 2002-07-18 05:17 AM


I love it when you two hold hands and play, it is simply delightful!

Nothing means more to me than faith,
family and my friends.

       
Proud Canadian

Kit McCallum
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Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
18 posted 2002-07-18 07:09 AM


Ladies ... this is exceptional!   What a wonderful collaboration Martie and Karilea!  I loved the theme of this piece and how well you both played on the wording and brought punctuation to life. Absolutely excellent!

Best wishes and hugs to you both,
/Kit

Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
19 posted 2002-07-18 07:16 AM



Martie is one of the most imaginative poets around...so for me, it's always a thrill to climb up on her mountain and view the world with her...thank you all for allowing us some play space...

rwood
Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793
Tennessee
20 posted 2002-07-18 07:39 AM


TWO..very extraordinary things I love about these pages...

Really great..really..with an exclamation!!and a :)

Sincerely,
Reg

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
21 posted 2002-07-18 08:42 AM


Awesome! One is good two is better, especially when it is you two.
Keth

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
22 posted 2002-07-18 11:03 AM


Martie & Karilea~
A very enjoyable read for this friend~
Delightful ladies~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
           noles1@totcon.com                       

Balladeer
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since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
23 posted 2002-07-18 09:28 PM


WOW! You two fit together so perfectly....this is very, very good writing and an excellent collaboration. Both of you could juggle eggs without breaking them and you use the same soft touch in your poetry...this was a thoroughly enjoyable read
Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
24 posted 2002-07-19 01:13 AM


Thanks for bringing punctuation to life.  You take the dry out of grammar.  Truly excellent collaboration.  Enjoyed the read.

Shenachie

Mark Bohannan
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269
In the winds of Cherokee song
25 posted 2002-07-19 11:12 AM


Hard to find a better duet than the two of you. Sort of like mixing the best of both worlds to create a whole new euphoria.  Beautiful .............
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