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Open Poetry #21
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shadowchild458
Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 117
MN,USA

0 posted 2002-07-11 02:29 AM


a dislodged train of thoughts
not really sure where it goes
as it turns the bend the fog comes
and i'm lost again in my own world
can't find my way back anymore
though the door is open
i can't manuver through the dark
a candle won't help with the dust
and the dirt and the mold
enveloping my mind and my thoughts
waiting and waiting i sit down to think
and fall asleep with my mind unaware
it will never wake up and i'll never come out
to the world again
never see the smiles ever again
never come out of the darkness
killing my brain
is this thing they like to call
a coma

© Copyright 2002 Abby - All Rights Reserved
Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
1 posted 2002-07-11 02:40 AM




(sigh) Wow, this is a very haunting but wonderful debut, sweet friend, here you can always share your powerful thoughts and feelings in which we will all happily guide you with inspiration and feedback as we watch you grow! Welcome to Passions, sweet friend, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! (sigh) I can't wait to read more of your lovely words, sweet friend, we all love you so much!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

RosePetal
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Member Elite
since 2001-08-26
Posts 2985
South Florida
2 posted 2002-07-11 02:41 AM


very interesting poem...Welcome to passions, get comfortable and enjoy!

Please check your e-mail for a special greeting

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2002-07-11 06:53 AM



At first your poem brought me to the idea of an idea never waking up, never being fulfilled, then you U-turned on me with the idea of a coma.  Good writing.  Looking forward to more.  Welcome to Passions!

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.


Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

4 posted 2002-07-11 07:01 AM


very interesting concept turned into a wonderful poem.  welcome to passions, enjoy your stay.  We are friendly here!

Enjoy life, this is NOT a dress rehearsal.

{on the wings of words are spirits fly...and our souls are free~me}


Goodknight
Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386
Ohio, USA
5 posted 2002-07-11 10:00 AM


haunting first poem - well written - look forward to more - welcome - Paul
Cerenity
Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637
Escondido-California
6 posted 2002-07-12 01:45 AM


Hi Shadowchild,

I liked the vividness you painted with your words, very nice and welcome to Passions,

Love, Cerenity

CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

7 posted 2002-07-12 01:59 AM


A good write ShadowChild and I thank you4the enjoyed read...
*~coco~*

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