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Open Poetry #21
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Collection: Prayers for the slowly dying
| Open Poetry #21 |
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Collection: Prayers for the slowly dying |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298
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Prayers for the slowly dying 1. The eye of the storm Though the world may spin ferociously fast and dizzy my eyes time after time miss my appointed path I pray to look up always up for there is a calm just past my fingertips a far as the eye can comprehend if only my heart will let me see that guided footfalls have no need of worry nor fear of blindness. 2. Lord, take these tears Lord, are you still here? ‘cause I feel awfully alone today. I need your help to reason; I need your help to sustain. These unruly tears, they have no basis the source from which they well has more than enough reasons to be thankful- this morning I am breathing and moving with a tolerable amount of pain the sun is shining and last night’s rain has freshly washed the world; music fills my ears and my hands are busy- with your blessings Lord I am surrounded. Though I am but a singular of the many for whom you hung I have faith that without my finding the reasons you will understand when I say that today it hurts to be me. 3. A non-saline solution Lord, I faltered. Back I looked into hatred’s face and with eyes wide open, fell into the angry defiant stare. And surely I say that I found comfort there for so long it was all that held me upright and above ground. So difficult a crutch to throw I was able to stand alone only with help from You. But now Lord I failed- I looked back. A wicked wretch am I-it suits me well. Sadness saturates but it affects me not. Compassion is naught; my eyes are unseeing. The breaths I barely manage to inhale are heavy laden. No signs of regret- I cannot move to stop this backward slide. My heart has stopped. Solid and sinking in my chest, my ears cannot hear it beating. My soul is alone, bereft. A pillar of salt is taking my shape. Lord my very essence reaches out to you and implores please, before the stiffness arrives my soul, turn me. Liquefy me. Mold me back into a reflection of you. One more time I ask Lord wash me clean. Revive me with your touch… 4. Lord lift me up Upwards, raw handed laboriously one over the other I climbed towards a higher power, towards the light. The longer the length of rope between my legs, the better off I felt; I thought myself higher. I was happy enough when I reached the point of No Luggage Allowed-leave it all behind. I had strength only enough to carry me. I made one mistake, though, in leaving my weaknesses behind all of darkness now knew my deepest recesses. Open hearted I tend to write. My pain I permanently inked. It was with gleaming eyes he must have dutifully noted each and every time I shattered. I never saw him wield the blade but I remember breaking when I hit the ground. I cannot do this alone I know now you never intended it so. Once again this morn I pray Lord, lift me up. 5. …that I might be forgiven I say that I am the Vulnerable that I would know from where springs my strength; Naïve, that I would not be tainted by the hardness of this world; Joyful that I might find the laughter that heals from within. But I also admit that I am the Angry that I might learn to appreciate peace. I know I am the Kind; I need be. I am the Haughty- so as to learn to be the Humbled. That you may teach me to bend I am the Stubborn. I am the Fallen that your grace may lift me up. Lord in your name I am many reaching as one towards heaven. But what I really want most of all Lord is to be the Penitent that I might be the Forgiven. 6. Tonight after I say goodnight Lord I am a sinner saved only by your grace. This you already know. So I guess, it is me that barely realizes the only way I will make it to heaven, is if you take me on breath after your mercy forgives… I need your shelter from this world, from myself. Again tonight I take a deep breath and whisper my plea Lord, forgive me…. 7. Enlighten me Lord your word reads that you will not give me more than I can bear. But Lord, after today, added onto this weekend and that, added onto the week before, and…. well all I can say, is that you must have much more faith in my ability than I. 8. Sooner or later This never-ending oppressive pain has a way of bringing out the hope in me. I try to have faith that it will be resolved in its proper time and in accordance with your will but each night I hope and pray Lord to see you sooner than later. 9. I am overwhelmed Today stress and lack of sleep have crowded in with my brain inside my hurting head and it feels like it is going to pop any minute now and I think that must be why my eyes, very responsibly I might add, do their part to stay the inevitable explosion by closing every chance they get. I have tried caffeine, vitamins, and toothpicks. They are not working. Lord, for strength to finish this day I look to you…. 10. Today I am thin Lord I cannot do this alone. I need you now more than ever. I am stretched to the point of transparency. I am beset by the enemy, my armor pierced. I am a sieve, tatters tearing in the wind. Lord mend me with your mercy, layer me with your love, and Lord… most of all, solidify me with your strength. Raise up my faith, wave it high, that I might find a hope for tomorrow. Surround me with your grace that I might make it through today. 11. Niagara undertow I try to tell myself that I am focusing on my life on me on exactly what it is I signed my name to twenty seven years ago and on the promise of eternity but no, Lord you and I both know that is too deep...right now I guess I would do good to just say that I am just trying to focus on the car in front of me and the next five minutes or so, forget any hope of remembering yesterday and planning for tomorrow Lord I pray just let me get safely through this hour. I am estranged. I am on the outside looking in. My skin is set on random; I have warped and swirled, dizzied me into an ambient hypnotic stupor, for which I have no definition no beginning, no end. And when I listen, that little voice tries to wake me, it tries to tell me that something deep inside my belief is lying to me disputing and dissolving the very core of me. My brow furrows but I can’t quite finish the thought because I can’t take my mind off the miracle called Niagara falls and how that amount of water just keeps falling over the edge, does it never end? Try as I might I cannot find the reason for my over-spilling for the crash and burn for my lack of presence. Transparent as I have become I have not yet reached where the mellifluous water stills where I am no more. As much as I wish to be...I must not be finished [This message has been edited by jellybeans (07-08-2002 07:09 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 jellybeans - All Rights Reserved | |||
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the_loner_23 Member Ascendant
since 2002-06-08
Posts 5479Jacksonville, Florida, USA |
 I really enjoyed this one.Cold hands means a warm heart |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I was happy enough when I reached the point of No Luggage Allowed-leave it all behind. I had strength only enough to carry me. I made one mistake, though, in leaving my weaknesses behind all of darkness now knew my deepest recesses. Open hearted I tend to write. My pain I permanently inked. It was with gleaming eyes he must have dutifully noted each and every time I shattered. ================================= I am estranged. I am on the outside looking in. My skin is set on random; I have warped and swirled, dizzied me into an ambient hypnotic stupor, for which I have no definition no beginning no end. And when I listen, that little voice tries to wake me, it tries to tell me that something deep inside my belief is lying to me disputing and dissolving the very core of me. ============================= far too many gifts here for one read... this series was always a fave of mine... must place this in library for safe keeping. peace and poetry jm Now for me some words come easy |
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rwood Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793Tennessee |
I have faith that without my finding the reasons you will understand when I say that today it hurts to be me. I agree with Janet..many exquisite realities float upon this thread and have touched me today. I see myself as very fortunate..compared to those that do suffer. Library is a must for this and bless your heart for reaching so deeply inside and bless those that your words speak for. Sincerely, Reg |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
jellybeans Amazing writing! Pulled from a depth that hurts to look at, it is so naked with truth. |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
These are amazing I've missed your presence in here. I will not bend to the cowardice of a silent judgement. |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
thank you all so much, I had lost access to my poetry disk with these on it, and thought I had lost them entirely, then it turns out I had printed them once for my daughter, and she saved them...figured I better post them, cause Ron and PIP are like setting them in concrete....it is wonderful to be able to post 'me' here....and know there are readers out there who can relate  |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
These are gems each and every one. I am definitely placing them in my library so as to have easy access to them at all times. You stripped life down to the bare bones and layed it all on the line in these remarkable prayers and I know that there are those close to me that will enjoy reading them and possibly using them as well. I can't tell you how glad that I am to have run into this thread. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Individually, these have always been some of your most impressive writing... Collected this way, they are awesome. Excellent work, gal... And by the way... since you write so much and so well you can afford to lose gems like these even temporarily... perhaps you could send your muse to visit me? LOL |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Jellybeans...I think this is probably the most amazingly impressive poem I have ever read at this website... Thanks so much for sharing it with us... it has really helped me to face today.  ~ thanking you hugsLyra |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Excellent write from a very pretty gal.... |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
You've amazed me here woman... I'm gonna have to print and reread... just *amazing*... Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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Goodknight Member Elite
since 2002-06-15
Posts 2386Ohio, USA |
this is so powerful it will need to be reread and redigested several times but I am sure this reply would only be more glowing after those rereads - thanks for a great poem - Paul |
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jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
Mark, thank you for your comments, and if my writing helps in any way then I am glad also that you ran into this thread suthern, if you’d give my muse a whack, I’d be happy to send it over…she’s been awfully quiet these days..sigh…love you lady…my poems are not happy, until your name is on them Madame, thank you….so much…I have read that this is a hard time for you, and if I helped, then I am glad to have placed my struggles with life in black and white…sighs and hugs back Toerag…*smile* good to see you, and thank you much devina, thank you lady your comments are always touching to me Goodknight, thank you…I hesitated to put them all together, as originally they had been posted as a series, but singularly as each was written…but finally decided to make it into a collection…am glad you enjoyed |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Psalms of Alms... BTTT  |
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Magnus
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135South Carolina, USA |
Oft times....the most difficult writes are those of truth, when we bare our soul for us and others to see...I commend you for these... |
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