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Open Poetry #21
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all done--with mirrors
| Open Poetry #21 |
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all done--with mirrors |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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Projected into tube of scope a single eye in wink dejected as the eye elopes into reflected think... Shards on mirrors dazzle eye-- parse of words in piece of pie-- between the crosshairs of the scope reflected by the dreams of hope-- string in mend upon guitar-- shoulders bend in dreams of far. Finger takes a taut string--weep... Walking neck and sweeping street-- Bending tunes from something wound-- make this "everyday" profound. Every brick beneath my feet be uneven--my eyes meet the beauty of an imperfection-- beneath my feet? RESURRECTION... I am swallowed by dark cave. I am sin--I'm unforgave. My heart is beat of fist guitar. pounding box between the chords... trail, kaleidoscope of stars-- I forgot what life is for... [This message has been edited by serenity (07-07-2002 03:25 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Karen, No way!  Show you care to those you love...today. |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
giving this a boost..hoping it gives you one. nothing but silent appreciation here I will not bend to the cowardice of a silent judgement. |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Serene one, I tried to pick a favorite line, I ended up with a favorite poem...a  |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Projected into tube of scope a single eye in wink dejected as the eye elopes into reflected think... Shards on mirrors dazzle eye-- parse of words in piece of pie-- between the crosshairs of the scope reflected by the dreams of hope-- string in mend upon guitar-- shoulders bend in dreams of far. ===================================== One needs to read this gem sevral times to see all its gifts...so many cleverly done images and metaphors...the inner rhymes...the alliterations... "as the eye elopes into reflected think... could that line be any cooler... very cool write KA..written with a depth of emotion that makes me want to hug you.   |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Serenity, A very good write.  |
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Saunni Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 1777West Virginia |
Serenity, I can't seem to pick just a single line out because each one was EXCELLENT!  Sauni:)The Only Time I See The Sun Is When I'm Within That Vanilla Breeze.The Only Time I'm One With The Sun Is When He Shelters Me From The Rain. L.S |
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Mark Bohannan Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-21
Posts 7269In the winds of Cherokee song |
My heart is beat of fist guitar. pounding box between the chords... ***************** as the eye elopes into reflected think... ========================== Now this is absolutely stunning in it's use of metaphors. I am sure that I only caught a fraction of what it shows in my first 2 reads, so I am saving it to pick at a little bit more. Beautifully depicted and a wonderful read from the first wink to the last turn of the kaleidoscope. |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
serenity- This is an amazing write! I agree with JM...there is much depth to be found within this piece. I love the imagery and the use of metaphors. Awesome! Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
just a bit of an exercize in mixed metaphor--I was trying to use the patchwork of seeming unrelated ideas to convey the theme of illusion...not sure if I succeeded, but it was a fun write anyhow... Thanks all! to forum! |
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