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Open Poetry #21
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Another Day On The Bus
| Open Poetry #21 |
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Another Day On The Bus |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
I was on a bus with little space, And sat down by this guy, I noticed on his teenaged face Some brow rings on his eye. Six rings hung from his ear lobe Five more from his nose Three more on his other ear Black polish on his toes. His hair was shaved and head a'gleaming, A rash of weird tattoos, One was of his mother, The other Fu-Man-Chu. His shorts hung down to his feet, Like a farmer's horse feed sack, He was bouncing to some rapping beat, And eating a Big Mac. This lady took a seat in front, She watched this kid in horror, Then she rolled her eyes back, And scooted up some more. I watched her as she sat there, Old and wrinkled and bent, On her back I saw a string, Some cat hair and some lent. Now strings on things that stick right out, Are an annoying thing, And I thought without a doubt, I'd remove the silly thing. She jumped right up onto her heels, And leapt up to her feet, Bellowed out an angry squeal, And smacked the young kid's cheek. I said nothing, (out of fear), This business wasn't mine, I got up, my stop was here, The teen was right behind. I heard he was a preacher's son, Went to church most every Sunday, Said his prayers most every day, To be a pastor some day. Don't ever judge one by his clothes, Never compare to others, And as the age old saying goes, Don't judge books by their covers. And if you ride a bus to town, Beware of "kind" old ladies, Remember raising off some string, May also raise some Hades! [This message has been edited by Toerag (07-02-2002 05:59 PM).] |
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mable_sue Junior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 25Iowa |
I love life lesson poems...like fables for adults!!! Nice work. Great images. A couple of suggestions: Read the second stanza outloud without the second "hung." See if you like it. I heard he was a preacher's son, Went to church most every Sunday, Said his prayers most every day, To be a pastor some day. This stanza doesn't flow as well as the others because the the day endings.... Just a few thoughts. Liz |
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Krissy Senior Member
since 2002-02-22
Posts 556kent England |
Toe hi there I liked this I like it a lot, a very good moral and a good laugh, very funny, I have a huge grin on my face. Thank you for the laugh. This is excellent writing too, the rhyme is perfect and it flowed perfectly all in all a wonderful poem. I enjoyed it hugely. And I know mum will too, and if I ever let her back on her computer she’ll reply   Love and warm stuff As always Krissy  And while thy willing soul transpiers |
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Titia Geertman Member Ascendant
since 2001-05-07
Posts 5182Netherlands |
He he...scared of old ladies??? you better be!!! Clear message here Toe, wrapped in some good poetry. Titia Like scattered leaves...my words will flow |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Toe darling boy this is excellent writing, the moral is as my daughter pointed out absolutely excellent, never judge a book by it’s cover, not only a good point but you also made me smile broadly. And I always look a lot better wearing a smile. Fabulous writing and wonderfully well written what can I say except I enjoyed this hugely   Love and warm stuff As always Mushy Breathe through the heat of our desire |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Amen!!! This is very good..a lesson we should all learn. Never judge a toe by it's nail... |
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Bridget Shenachie Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056Kansas USA |
I wish that you had described the cowardly sneak that got that poor kid clobbered. Then I would really know who to beware of. Enjoyed! Shenachie |
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my3monkeytoes Member
since 2002-05-11
Posts 152In the Carolina Breeze |
OOOOOooo...I love black nail polish. HAHAHA! Delightful, you are, Toe. ~SM |
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ecrivan Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923my own state |
had a friend with dowager nails all in black the friendship didn't last..I'm glad it didn't.Liked this one |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I love this, Toe!!! *S* The humor is delightful... but doesn't begin to hide the wisdom... and every word is greatly appreciated by this bus rider who amuses herself by watching her fellow sardines. LOL Excellent work, dear one.... I wish I'd seen it yesterday... but it was certainly a treat to find this morning. *S* |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Toe, That's what you get for riding buses to nowhere. Enjoyed |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Toe You caught a great story and told it with a smile..Much enjoyed! |
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