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Passions in Poetry

beautiful skies

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kaile
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Member Ascendant
since 02-06-2000
Posts 5323
singapore


0 posted 06-30-2002 04:05 AM       View Profile for kaile   Email kaile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for kaile

you said
"but skies are the same everywhere"

far settled into
the mundaneness of living
and the relentless pursuit
of material stuff,
I stammered how
I couldn't remember
the specifics
but knew myself to be correct

And indeed I was
The skies abroad are prettier
than those in Singapore~

Perhaps it was the way
huge white clouds
occupied the entire sky,
leaving scant traces of blue

Perhaps it was the way
I could observe clouds
in their entirety,
unhindered by high-rise buildings

Perhaps it was the way
how the highlands,  
enveloped in mist,
romantically complemented the sky

I knew better
but it was no use
flaunting my knowledge
when you weren't
around to share

© Copyright 2002 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved
Temptress
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Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL


1 posted 06-30-2002 04:49 AM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

loved this..and it shouldn't be so far down here..

How grave is my condition, for I cannot find the words to say, I need you so.
~Sarah MacLachlan~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


2 posted 06-30-2002 06:12 AM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

Enjoyed...James
cherrypoptart
Member
since 06-09-2002
Posts 110
state of wordthiness


3 posted 06-30-2002 06:36 AM       View Profile for cherrypoptart   Email cherrypoptart   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for cherrypoptart

Very nice. I like the thoughts.
mycafe
Senior Member
since 05-23-2002
Posts 602


4 posted 07-01-2002 01:29 AM       View Profile for mycafe   Email mycafe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mycafe

I can identify with your thoughts here.  Very interesting poem here

mycafe

Keep counting your blessings

Sven
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Member Laureate
since 11-23-1999
Posts 15611
Lansing, MI USA


5 posted 07-01-2002 04:41 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

the sense of loss in this is so subtle, that one almost misses it. . . it appears on the surface that the poet is ruminating about the sky. . . when, in fact. . . he is missing his heart. . .

great work my friend. . . well done. . .

-------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

kaile
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Member Ascendant
since 02-06-2000
Posts 5323
singapore


6 posted 07-23-2005 07:15 AM       View Profile for kaile   Email kaile   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kaile

[revised]

you insisted
"skies are the same everywhere"

already acclimated as
a lab rat relentlessly
working the treadmill,
I stammered how
I couldn't remember
the specifics
but knew myself to be correct

And indeed I was
the skies abroad are prettier
than those in our country~
Perhaps it was the way
how I could admire clouds
for miles beyond humble view,
unhindered by cold hard steel

Perhaps it was the way
how clouds decorated the blue,
like showcases from the divine chest

Perhaps it was the way
fluffy white dazzled
with dynamic formations,
changing subtly to tease
this riveted viewer

Perhaps it was the way
how lush highlands,  
enveloped in mist, romantically
complemented the sky

I knew better now
but it was no use
flaunting my sumg knowledge
when you weren't
around to share

Midnitesun
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Member Empyrean
since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


7 posted 07-23-2005 10:50 AM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

there are some parts of the first version I like better. I preferred that you wrote Singapore, as it underscored how the sky view is blocked in all modern downtown cities full of high rises, like Denver, Los Angeles, and I'm sure...NY and Tokyo.

but I enjoyed both, kaile
 
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