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Open Poetry #21
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Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

0 posted 2002-06-28 08:27 AM


My heart takes me back
as I wander through the
labyrinth pathways
ichored with confusion
of the past

I will not mount those steeds of false gaiety
with their rampant eyes
and guerrilla lips
who offer no warmth to the traveller
and no destination to the journey

The kaleidoscopic colours
of the reflective glass
do not compel me
with their gaudy signs
and their rankling dreams

The calliope that plays my song
holds in trust
a dirge of wanting
as the faceless wave of the future
carouses across my soul

Not for me the laughter
edged in bitterness
and brittle with sorrow
for I have my own shades
who hover waiting
for the carnival to end
for the ship of fools to sail

I shall board and go with them

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



© Copyright 2002 Lynne Dale - All Rights Reserved
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

1 posted 2002-06-28 09:02 AM


The kaleidoscopic colours
of the reflective glass
do not compel me
with their gaudy signs
and their rankling dreams

The calliope that plays my song
holds in trust
a dirge of wanting
as the faceless wave of the future
carouses across my soul
=================================

Impressive write of theme, metaphor and vocabualry Keth...youve got some really cool images and analogies here.
Powerful write of angst on the edge.
Your writing continues to grow...free verse suits your expressions well.
peace and poetry
jm

When your own emptiness is all thats getting through,
There comes a point when youre not sure why youre still talking,
I passed that point long ago.

Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
2 posted 2002-06-28 09:05 AM


Keth beloved sister of my heart and keeper of my soul’s secrets, how can you do this so well and so consistently your writing is never anything less than perfect, when you show your range, which is phenomenal, you really illume the page. What can I say about the wonder that this is, it’s image laden and perfect flow is outstandingly good. The fact it is a darker poem than is your wont is obvious, what might not be apparent to all who read you is the sheer brilliance you manage to combine of your own unique style and others more famed for their darker poetry. Her writing is good, and yours is superior, yes I am slightly biased, but only because your writing deserve all the accolades I can heap on you.

I love your writing utterly utterly


I wub you too
Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

Breathe through the heat of our desire
Thy coolness and they balm
Let sense be dumb let flesh retire
Speak through the eathquake wind and fire
Oh

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
3 posted 2002-06-28 09:05 AM


Fantastic Kethry!
Great imagery!
~Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
4 posted 2002-06-28 09:28 AM


Keth,
Your talent is showing in this one. Excellent.

Krissy
Senior Member
since 2002-02-22
Posts 556
kent England
5 posted 2002-06-28 12:00 PM


Auntie Kethp mum said to be sure to check out your free verse and she is not wrong if I had missed these gems I’d be kicking myself forever. You are inarguably one of the best poets on this site, when you write FV you are stretching as a poet and I love to see it.

Mum, adores your writing, but her forte isn’t FV, that’s not to say she can’t appreciate it, she just struggles with writing it. I wouldn’t say I’m an expert not by a long way when you consider how much a newbie I am, but I do seem to have an affinity with FV. This is so well presented, the flow, is extremely good, the feel of the piece, is carried in each word, and you don’t slip up once in the conceptual manifestation. Ignore me I’ve been reading W H Auden again Without gushing as my darling mummy does, I shall simply say this is excellent writing

If you want gush it’s utterly utterly wonderful


Love and warm stuff
As always
Krissy

And while thy willing soul transpiers
at every pore with instant fires
Andrew Marvell 1621-1678

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
6 posted 2002-06-28 12:39 PM


Not for me the laughter
edged in bitterness
and brittle with sorrow
for I have my own shades
who hover waiting
for the carnival to end
for the ship of fools to sail

Oh.....just so very beautiful, Keth...

~ lots of hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
7 posted 2002-06-28 07:03 PM


ahhhhh, Lyra stole my favorite verse....I could join you there...
very very nice images

hugs
M

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
8 posted 2002-06-28 07:58 PM




(big hugggssssss) Oh Lyra, I can feel angst in these words yet I can also sense a boon of determination also, sweet friend, yes, always go about things your own way and never let the ghosts of lifes carnivals taunt you! (sigh) This is excellent, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kethry, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2002-06-28 09:09 PM



Kethry!  You're stretching!  
Doesn't it FEEL good?

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
10 posted 2002-06-28 10:27 PM


Good writing.....

"The calliope that plays my song
                   holds in trust
                   a dirge of wanting
                   as the faceless wave of the future"

Ain't you gettin good!

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
11 posted 2002-06-29 12:33 PM


Traitor! It's not like there's a lot of really great rhymed poetry out here, you know, and now you run off with the majority and go free verse on me! Well, I never! But maybe I should have. Hmmm. And it's not as if you did a tentative little mealy-mouthed poem either. This one rocks. You should be ashamed, but I expect you're all proud of yourself just because it's so excellent.

Nan

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
12 posted 2002-06-29 01:20 AM


Yup...I'm with Nan. But I'll say it for myself. I wish I could do Free Verse!

Show you care to those you love...today.

Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
13 posted 2002-06-29 01:56 AM


Sounds like my ship has come in.  When does it sail?  Enjoyed.



Shenachie

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
14 posted 2002-06-29 06:22 AM


Thanks everyone, I've been struggling with Sylvia Plath because although she had some fantastic phrases the breaks appear to me to be in the wrong places so I thought I would see if I could make sense of her work by mimicking her style. I don't know successful this is but I'm glad there are so many positive responses.

Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
15 posted 2002-06-29 03:25 PM


I like this poem very much, Kethry. *S* Such magnificent phrases... such affirmation that the temptations will not persuade you from another path: "I will not mount those steeds of false gaiety" and "Not for me the laughter edged in bitterness and brittle with sorrow"... I love these powerful declarations. *S* Well written!
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
16 posted 2002-06-29 04:04 PM


I loved your phrasing and imagery throughout Kethry ... this is a wonderful write, much enjoyed!

Best wishes,
/Kit

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