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Zinsser
Senior Member

since 2001-02-27

Posts 1641
Calif.

0 posted 2002-06-17 09:57 AM

To live my life is a gift
To live in my skin in my mind
A gift from the pits of hell
Needing this black magic
Running through my veins
As not to feel the day to day
Pain of my own shameful existence
Distaistfull looks I do draw
Or invisable as if I were a disease
Contagous if viewed
The assumptions of me
Being uneducated or uncouth
No longer hurt for I am
Passive in my mind of
My state of affairs

The brick wall behind me
feels comforting
as I zone out on the yelling
Being directed at me by the
Store keeper it belongs too
Soon they will come
Soon I will be put away
No longer needing to see
All, with the eyes I've been
Cursed with, long since given
Up on speech,Had nothing left
Nothing left to say when they
Took my family away
Will not fight anymore
For it matters not
I'm a pawn in some sick
game of the Gods

The white padded room
Funny in its own sick way
My dark world the contrast
As I flop around in here
like a dieng fish
Not a sound escapes
from me nor do
I hear others
Sometimes I see
The kindest eyes
I can't focus on
Who they belong too
But they haunt me
Reminding me of humanity
Of being human once
So long ago I almost
forgot, wanting still
the freedom of forgetfullness
But I can hear....
An internal noise
A voice like my mother
A memory

You are strong child of mine
The world is full of pain
My gift to you is life
And A gift it is
If you manage it
And don't let it manage you

Oh momma I have failed,
Were my thoughts as tears
streamed down my face
There were those eyes
The voice behind them
You will heal now
For those are magic tears
They will not stop
Until the pain is gone
And the healing complete
I heard my voice for
The first time in years
Saying "Thank You"
In the saying releasing
All of my years of pain
And fear

The memories seem as
close as yesterday
I choose not to forget
Not now , Not ever
And in that choice
Is freedom to view
allowing others also to
view my soul
The freedom to manage life
And to have some say
" You have the kindest eyes"
And others
"Thank You"

[This message has been edited by Zinsser (06-17-2002 12:31 PM).]

Interloper