driving with the breaks on

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woodtic
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 87

0 posted 2002-06-10 02:09 AM

I am tired.
hot rubber,
asphalt steam.
Breaks held on.
We drive in dreams.
Ruby after glow, disc red.
Wronged by thoughtless sins
move on in dread.

I am tired.
Like old leather belts.
To long worn,
With holes that yelp,
At giving in to wasted girth.
Only moderetion can unearth.
A better way to live and breath.
I am tired for the lack of these.
Wonder, wonder at the truth.
How to redo miss spent youth?
I can't of course and so go on
with damage worn and rusted long.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

1 posted 2002-06-10 02:22 AM

<b>I am tired.
Like old leather belts.
To long worn,
With holes that yelp,</b>

Really ejoyed

[This message has been edited by Dark Angel (06-10-2002 02:24 AM).]

woodtic
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 87

2 posted 2002-06-10 02:41 AM

Hey D.A. I thank you much for the peak. Been away for a long while.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2002-06-10 02:45 AM

I do this sometimes...James

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2002-06-10 03:31 AM

I LOVED...THE theme of this, yet in the spirit of your critique message? I must say that the language interfered.

and, hey? I HATE critique...but? gently? I would love to see this cleaned up a bit--

"Breaks held on"

gentle hug, should read, "Brakes, held on.."

if there is something I am otherwise missing, lemme know?

and? " To long worn,"

again, I'm confused...should that be a "too?"

and..."moderetion" should read, "moderation"

but? yet, as lovely as it is? If I had written this, (and I wish I did) I woud edit, to make miss spent, misspent, grin?

(UNLESS, I WAS TRYING TO MAKE a sublanguage implication...)

I adore the delicacy of your thought train--and I will be reading you in the future. With much promise of interest!

*youch* hope that didn't seem "mean"--not my intent at all....(See? I HATE CRITIQUE)

I loved this--actually. (grin...guess I started looking at it, as if it were MINE)

k..now I hit submit, and "sigh"

woodtic
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 87

5 posted 2002-06-10 03:42 AM

Dear Serenity.

Usually I would try harder. But my brain is fried like an egg on the Alabma asphalt. I'm suprised I spellled that . Don't worry that kind and gentle regard you showed warms my heart and happy to see you even looked in.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2002-06-10 03:52 AM

yanno? I wouldn't have looked if it didn't interest me...smiles and hugs. I knew y'were lovely.

(oh....

giggle...don't be surprised...it is spelled, "Alabama")

and don't mind me, I'm used to fried asphalt! *chuckles n hugs*

(or? you could do like me and edit endlessly, blaming it all on "typos")

[This message has been edited by serenity (06-10-2002 04:04 AM).]

bags123
Member

since 2002-06-06

Posts 128

7 posted 2002-06-10 07:36 AM

I often feel worn "like old leather belts" myself. Enjoyed.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

8 posted 2002-06-10 08:46 AM

You need an overhaul...
take the foot off the brake
and cruise...

Tiersdin
Member Elite

since 2000-11-17

Posts 2364
east coast

9 posted 2002-06-10 09:02 AM

Ditto Ms. Sun, above...

excellent write!

~R.T.

"I shall never bond again, as I have bonded with you..."

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-09-23

Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown

10 posted 2002-06-10 09:46 AM

I feel this way sometimes myself.

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

11 posted 2002-06-10 09:51 AM

woodtic
Everything wears, enjoyed the read.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

12 posted 2002-06-10 10:04 AM

You should see me sometimes....It might encourage you.......Interesting read!

woodtic
Member

since 2002-01-06

Posts 87

13 posted 2002-06-10 10:36 AM

Thank you all for looking in. I've had some sleep and your kind words have refreshed me more.

wornways
Member

since 2001-10-18

Posts 204
CA, USA

14 posted 2002-06-11 07:20 AM

interesting ... i can relate with the idea, i think, but not necessarily with the words, or at least the images.

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

15 posted 2002-06-11 12:43 PM

woodtic,
I've followed people like this...on the road and in life.

Excellent write, just excellent.

It's never too late to have a good childhood! Woohoo!

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