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Passions in Poetry

Bless Me Father for I Have Punned

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Dr.Moose1
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since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


0 posted 03-05-2008 03:59 PM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

I was sitting around reminiscing about the dark ages ( the early years of PIP ) when I remembered a
poignantly written punny piece by Balladeer about a "Foo" bird, and thought maybe some of you were up to putting pun to poem. The usual any style any forum W/links, or post 'em here. My own meager contribution appears below. Hail Mary ( mea culpa )
Doc


A man went to the flower shop for peas,
not knowing of another place to look.
Just why will be revealed by degrees,
'twas vegetables for dinner he would cook.

The florist showed him flowers by the bunch,
with each the man just slowly shook his head
"Why these would hardly even do for lunch
mush less the dinner I must cook instead !"

And so it was the man didn't get his peas,
and all because he didn't know where to look.
That I should stoop so low surprises me,
( the devil made me do it by the book !)

The moral of this story is, you see,
you cannot see the florist for the peas.
Midnitesun
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since 05-18-2001
Posts 29020
Gaia


1 posted 03-05-2008 08:05 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

Doc, you really got me with that ending!
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


2 posted 03-05-2008 08:54 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Yep, I remember the Foo bird alright...and a few other punny things. Here's one...

There was a pitcher for the Cubs - Milt Famey was his name.
Some people say he was the best to ever play the game.
In '32 he won two dozen games with lightning throws...
The Cubs went to the Series with the Yankees as their foes.

The Series was magnificent - the games tied three to three.
Milt pitched the first and third and fifth and won them easily.
It all came down to one last game. The park shook with the sound
Of 50,000 screams of joy when Famey took the mound.

The truth is Milt was pretty nervous on that final day.
He had a beer or ten to chase the butterflies away.
He pitched each inning flawlessly and then, when he was through,
He'd sit down on the bench and have another beer or two.

By inning number five poor Milt was pretty well near blitzed
But still he mowed the Yankees down - no walks, no runs, no hits.
The final inning came at last..Milt took the mound real slow.
The Cubs were leading one to zip with but three outs to go!

Milt tried hard not to stagger 'neath the hot Chicago sun.
He saw three batters standing at home plate instead of one!
He walked five batters in a row to everyone's dismay
As New York won the Series on that hot September day.

Reporters asked the Yankees how it felt to win that way,
To win the Series from a gift instead of stirling play.
The manager called out amid the celebration ruckus,
"We all think it was the beer that made Milt Famey walk us!!"
.
.
.
(if you can understand this one....you're American    and old!)
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


3 posted 03-05-2008 08:59 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Here's one about Toerag...

Poor Toerag didn't have no friends.
He lived his life alone
He bought a huge robotics book
And built himself a clone.

That clone looked just like Toerag did
As ugly as could be
And every word that left his mouth
Was pure profanity.

Toerag loved to cuss a lot..
Of that you could be sure
But that clone made poor Toerag look
Like some poor amateur.

When they went out on double-dates
His mouth embarrassed Toe
Until Toe made his mind up
That the clone just had to go.

He said, "We're going out today..
A picnic, if you will."
Then took the clone up high atop
Deer Rockabilly Hill.

The opportunity arose...
Toe pushed him to his death!
The clone screamed out obscenities
Until his final breath!!!!

A forest ranger wandered by,
Placed Toe in custody.
Poor Toerag screamed out in dismay,
"Why are you arresting me?!?"

"No need to plead your innocence
Because I saw it all.
I'm placing you under arrest because
You made an obscene clone fall!!"
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


4 posted 03-06-2008 11:42 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Midnitesun,
I'm glad you enjoyed, is the little guy laughing or sick to his stomach?
Doc

Balladeer,
It's good to see you're still in rare form. Yup and yup ( old and American ).I find it hard to believe ol' Toe is still around with all those barbs sticking out of him, although he must be getting used to it by now.Here's one for you, look out below!
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


5 posted 03-06-2008 11:51 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

In the spring of the year number 2008
was decided that PIP have its' own talent show.
Balladeer thought " That's great I'll just set up a band,"
" with a talent like mine we must win, don't ya know."

But ol' deer hit a snag, no musicians applied
just some cattle were all that were willing to play.
Though he searched all of PIP it appeared he was stuck,
come the day of the show he couldn't hide his dismay.

Now the cows in the band liked their practical jokes,
and the day of the show they played one on ol' deer,
putting glue on the chair he would use to play drums
and the moral of this is a"bun"dantly clear.

If you play drums like 'deer you shouldn't beat 'round the bush,
for a herd in the band is worth glue on the tush !
Balladino
Junior Member
since 03-06-2008
Posts 18
Prehistorical


6 posted 03-06-2008 01:32 PM       View Profile for Balladino   Email Balladino   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Balladino

Toerag was jailed on a lovely fine spring day
When birds were chirping at young green that smiled on trees
He was puzzled and puzzled and had quite a rage
Each time he saw the guard  he read  familiar gage  

Toe’s Clone was reprogrammed by his best friend's friend
How, on the earth, poor Toe got this secret  knowledge?

He sat at the damp dark and thought about his bad fate
He stared at the bluest sky through those iron grates
It seemed that he read the ballads in pipblue pages
He rarely got them for he never eyed them straight

A charging moment was changing poor Toe's dull mind
He whistled the guard over and talked to him as a friend
“I will give all my money and my neighbor's bank
You must do me a great favor of greatly kind”

“After I click the reply and get a new clean sheet”
Pointing at the window he calmly spoke his thought
“I'll copy and  paste me, from head to toes on my feet
Then you  need to point the little word of "submit"

If I were still here after your simple deed
Kindly call a gentle man named Master Ron
Tell him  that the service is lost or  is deleted  
It needs to be cautiously searched and re-found

It was like this when I forget to dial the pun
Thank you a lot in advance and put down your gun!”


[This message has been edited by Balladino (03-06-2008 05:03 PM).]

Balladeer
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Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


7 posted 03-06-2008 05:11 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Good grief, Moose! Your arms would have to be ten feet long to make that reach. I like it!

Toerag, God will get you for that...
Balladeer
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since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


8 posted 03-06-2008 06:11 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

The African chief, Akmalah, was the strongest chief of all.
All others who opposed him in a fight were doomed to fall.
All thrones of fallen victims were then stowed upon a shelf
In Akmalah's grass hut...to be seen by no one but himself.

The years went on....chiefs tried and failed to take Akmalah down.
They lost their armies, then their heads and, finally, their crown.
More thrones were then placed on the shelf...a worthy load indeed.
Akmalah's strength and power helped to fill his evil greed.

Another war and victory. He placed the throne up high
Along with all the others, it was pleasing to his eye.
It's weight surpassed what shelves can hold and so the whole thing fell
Crushing him beneath the weight and sending him to Hell.

There is a moral to this tale, as I'm sure you must know.
A little piece of wise advice I leave before I go.
Remember, as you go through life (and spare me all your moans)
People who live in grass houses should  never stow thrones!

Balladino
Junior Member
since 03-06-2008
Posts 18
Prehistorical


9 posted 03-07-2008 06:09 PM       View Profile for Balladino   Email Balladino   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Balladino

The Foo Bird by Balladeer http://piptalk.com/main/forumdisplay.cgi?action=displayarchive&number=2&topic=000653
Dr.Moose1
Member Elite
since 09-05-99
Posts 3505
Bewilderment , USA


10 posted 03-11-2008 09:05 AM       View Profile for Dr.Moose1   Email Dr.Moose1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dr.Moose1

Balladeer & Toe,
Thanks for the laughs guys, much appreciated.
Doc
oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


11 posted 03-11-2008 03:50 PM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

One thing that might make me gag
Is sniffing from a garbage bag.
Another is a toothless hag
Who who smells en toute like her Toerag.

Toe raggin' on, Jimbeaux
Balladino
Junior Member
since 03-06-2008
Posts 18
Prehistorical


12 posted 03-11-2008 04:13 PM       View Profile for Balladino   Email Balladino   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for Balladino

Who, who, who was the one that loudly brags?
If, I, I, I have never seen you Balla(d)rag.
Coming into this kingdom with such a hubris
Be advised to prepare a huge white, white, white flag  

ballarag: to bully , to threaten

[This message has been edited by Balladino (03-11-2008 04:59 PM).]

Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


13 posted 03-19-2008 04:52 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

haha ur right u can't go to a flourist for peas lol.

~Zach~  

~*With the wind and my heart at my side. I'll live the life i want*~


Seoulair
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since 03-27-2008
Posts 776
Seoul S.Korea


14 posted 04-06-2008 09:53 PM       View Profile for Seoulair   Email Seoulair   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seoulair

Javert’s Store

Javert was a very brilliant man
With lot of imagination

A  retired 4-Star navy officer
Has opened a store by the Norah River
To sell his collections of nights and dreams
That he collected through all those years
In service under water

But his nights were all plain black
And his dreams, transparent with cracks
He wanted fancy them before the sale
He hired a diligent helper, Mr.Wack

First they bought a celestial map
And something to wrap
They searched Wiki- nocturnal  
And get neon color of conventional

They also have a custom designed
And other do-it yourself kind
He planed to lease his collections  too
With unlimited times of renew

“a slice with one star topping,
pay extra if you want moon
But day-dream and night-mare
is delivered  by mail, soon

after the Order! Order! Order!

Always a puzzle to me
 
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