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Passions in Poetry

A pertinent challenge:

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oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


0 posted 09-24-2007 10:19 PM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

A pertinent challenge:  Put up the best poem you think you've ever written.  No judgement allowed in comments, no "winners or "losers."  It's about saying "This is as good as I get."  What do you want to see in your anthology?

Best, Jim
Edward Grim
Senior Member
since 12-18-2005
Posts 1112
Greenville, South Carolina


1 posted 09-24-2007 11:00 PM       View Profile for Edward Grim   Email Edward Grim   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Edward Grim's Home Page   View IP for Edward Grim

Groovy challenge Jim. Well, I couldn't decide so here's two (you know how much I love to break the rules). I've been told by my close friends that these two are my best. And I'm still working on publishing my anthology and these two are in it, so, here they are:



The American Dream

The happy people…

Sadness strict like a whip,
cracks like your mom’s
China from Turkey.
Like a working computer
at times of jerking
from a dirty
web page,
and online flirting.
Happy…

Funny melancholy,
frowning like your dad
when his lover is itching
and your Mom knows the lady
because tomorrow they’re
playing bridge.


______________________________



Up the Bum

He had a smoke and mirrors
look to his face.
Not that he was mysterious,
but rather a man like myself.
Not me in senses and living
but in likenesses of Narcissus.
Resembling those memories of Sisyphus
rolling a burning joint
of fire-producing glands;
burned by one too many
suit monkeys.

Human remains to be chewed
by good ‘ol boys
with claws out their mouths.
Meant for the
textile-producing malice machines.
Calculators made to be our friends
but still screwed us intensely
and intensely again.

I want to feel enclosed
and trapped in something.
‘Cause there’s nowhere else to live
but this rotten apple
with the segmented beings
of obscurity.
A world cast away from me,
a state of indifference
that’s still native
in feeling,
indigenous to the
outward coast
of warm and fuzzy things.

Tape deck ice-skating
on the
Kodak reminder-maker
swallowed whole,
engulfed into body factions
to reinforce muscle memory.
Makes us remember the
people we used to know,
to write them gift cards
for their set of last birthdays.

In tribute to good ideas,
something or another
with plural nouns
will make them seem
like notions with substance,
thoughts less radical
and unable to be challenged
by those who think logically.

Certain lines of concepts
will be left for eating,
and the rest:
Flotsam and jetsam
in the sea of stupidity,
thinking for the gasses of people;
bleeding juices
secreting babies,
teething for freebies
and other forms
of American culture.

"Well I wish that you would cheat with someone, 'cause you're like diggin' holes in water and we know that can't be done."

oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


2 posted 09-27-2007 01:51 AM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

Edster: I'd be proud of these, too.

Sick old Jimbeaux
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


3 posted 09-27-2007 05:51 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Weird. I was just thinking about this, and I don't know that I have a whole poem I could call a favorite, but there's two lines from an old poem that I thought I might elaborate on:

"A rose in full drops a petal
and yearns to be all together."

This is a hard question for me though. I never seem to know when or if I "hit a homerun."
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


4 posted 09-27-2007 06:04 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

This one is kind of the same mood, and since I'm obsessing with personification of late:

Last Call (for an Autumn Leaf)

The bar
(go to the bar old girl)
at least her elbow knows the way
her body floats the floor
of rust
and greengold is the memory
verdigris of summering -
burnished brass--the color took--
thank the gods that veins are "in"
thank goddess
they can't see her ass
quivering in too-thin skin
as her August king salutes.
He poured her shot of tanqueray--
watching sadly as she drank.

Autumn is the color
bruise
digging through the past for change
to make it happen
or pretend
that she be tender
green again
licking eagerly a-thrush
the bottom of the glass.

"Again?"

Winter turned his back and then
he turned the bright whites on...
Dee
Member Elite
since 08-19-2000
Posts 2361
Queensland, Australia


5 posted 02-25-2008 04:33 AM       View Profile for Dee   Email Dee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dee

The best I've ever written? Depends on my mood. Its a toss up between
http://piptalk.com/main/forumdisplay.cgi?action=displayarchive&number=69&topic=001187

and
http://piptalk.com/main/forumdisplay.cgi?action=displayarchive&number=70&topic=002004

Dee

Stand straight and tall, not the reflection as others see you, but as you truely are.        Clearwater

SEA
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Member Seraphic
since 01-18-2000
Posts 24152
with you


6 posted 02-25-2008 02:01 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

I would rather have folks here pick two of mine they like best. I have no idea...I like all the ones I write(because they are my emotions), but beauty is in the eye of the beholder...so? I have no clue what my "best" are.
Ringo
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since 02-20-2003
Posts 3696
Saluting with misty eyes


7 posted 02-25-2008 08:54 PM       View Profile for Ringo   Email Ringo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ringo

Jim- I don't know whether I should thank you for giving me the inspiration to go back through my collected works on this site, or hate you for forcing me to go back and relive all the garbage I have put on the blue pages.
lol

I think I'll go with the thanks.

As I am my own worst critic, I would hesitate to pick my "best"; however, I will put the few I remember beiong really proud of at the time they were written:

Fighting The Dragon

Concrete Matress

Imagine

I hope they find their approval with those assembled.

And SEA??? I have always truly enjoyed this one:
Whispered On The Wind

What would you attempt to do...if you knew you could not fail?.
www.myspace.com/mindlesspoet

SEA
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Member Seraphic
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with you


8 posted 02-25-2008 09:39 PM       View Profile for SEA   Email SEA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SEA

awww really? That is cool...
icebox
Member Elite
since 05-03-2003
Posts 4246
in the shadows


9 posted 03-03-2008 12:45 PM       View Profile for icebox   Email icebox   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for icebox

An interesting challenge, but I agree with Sea, I can never figure this out.  After I post them I always see what is wrong with them.
Ethan Halo
Senior Member
since 04-28-2000
Posts 820
on the roof again


10 posted 11-19-2008 03:47 AM       View Profile for Ethan Halo   Email Ethan Halo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ethan Halo's Home Page   View IP for Ethan Halo

*bittersweet*

blood and rainbows; all i see
and this is my apology
it wasn't supposed to get out of hand
you were just supposed to understand

and all your smiles can't save this hurt
all i wanted...
and all the lines get a little blurred
all i wanted...
and i'm not sure that my heart can convince my nerve

the memory starts to fade
the dreams turn into stains
a bittersweet eulogy

blood and rainbows; all i see
i don't want your sympathy
lonely mornings from last night's lust
the guilty flowers have turned to dust

all the days you left me here
all i wanted...
last night's promises in my ears
all i wanted...
confusion clears and i'm left choking on the fear

the memory starts to fade
the dreams turn into stains
a bittersweet eulogy

blood and rainbows; all i see
still the pain shows through the seams
technicolor dreams of you and me
on a black and white reality

and now i see we'll never be
the things i thought we were
it's killin' me, but i believe
that the world is still pure

words unspoken, rip me open
now i'm dying on the bedroom floor


blood and rainbow's symphony
a bittersweet cacophony

The soul is oftentimes a battlefield where reason and judgement wage war on passion and appetite.

oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 02-24-2007
Posts 1007
Santa Monica, California, USA


11 posted 11-26-2008 03:22 PM       View Profile for oceanvu2   Email oceanvu2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for oceanvu2

My goodness!  Excellent choices all around so far.  Even though there is no "grading" in this challenge, I think you guys have been of a great roll.

Best, Jimbeaux
Callista
Member
since 10-05-2008
Posts 63
USA


12 posted 12-10-2008 10:46 PM       View Profile for Callista   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Callista

My first adult attempt- a prolonged labor. That is why I love it so (as only a mother could).

Candela

You go about the daily business of your life
gulping great gusts of air,
emitting an exquisite light.
I marvel- I marvel
You are a lovely luminary.

Bioluminescence is your birthright;
You are heir to the contained
and continuous explosion of the Sun.
-nitrogen-calcium- carbon-
You are star stuff in singular form.

Me?
I swim my murky night-cave.
Sallow
blinded by a dismal, despairing darkness.
Memories of what i used to see return
to stab my heavy (my hungry) heart.
And yet,
and yet...
I marvel at my sighted offspring-

I marvel at your light.


"The Moving Finger writes, and, having writ,
Moves on: nor all thy Piety nor Wit
Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line.."
latearrival
Member Elite
since 03-21-2003
Posts 4407
Florida


13 posted 12-11-2008 04:10 AM       View Profile for latearrival   Email latearrival   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for latearrival

      I Am Here

I am here
Yes, I will hug you
If that fits your needs.
I can hold you close,
And silently share your grief.
I don't mind watching over you,
as I sit listening to your silence.
My pain is as deep as yours,
As I have been in that darkest place.
So yes, rest your head ~
My shoulders are broad and strong.
I can handle horrid details,
It sometimes needs to be said out loud.
Spill over with black bile, I can  sponge    it off.
Then we can go on together......

But until I see some small sign from you,
That I am wanted
I stand timidly by your side.
I can not read so well,
That I can meet your needs.
Help me please
So I won't walk away.
Without you ever knowing..
I was there.
with love, marty

(I wrote this in answer to a poem written in anguish about the sudden death of her son in a car accident)
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


14 posted 12-11-2008 08:34 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

I think people judge their "best" or their "favorite" by the thoughts and feelings behind them that went into their creation and not their "acceptance by others" abilities, which is as it should be. I remember Streisand at a concert announcing that she was going to sing her "favorite song" which turned out to be a song I'd never heard her sing before but, despite all of her million-sellers, that was the one she liked best.

Ringo, I like the middle one very much. I'd like it more if you correct the spelling in the title
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


15 posted 12-11-2008 10:15 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

Because this is a subjective task here is my second pick (still looking for my first...):


oh and I chopped 2 stanzas from this.  


I have ran naked from house to house
Looking for the home that should have been there from the start
Looking for the protection of parents that see beyond themselves
Pleading with tired eyes for some sort of recognition
That I am more important than the flesh they see

I ran naked with head held high
Screaming the injustice of just living
In a world full of greed, impatience and lust
Trying to break us, trying to make us
Into something reflected in their own mirror

I walk naked to show off the wounds and scars
Of not giving in to the consensus of this tormented world
To show all that will look at my hideous scabs
That I can be brought to my knees but never for longer
Than it takes to weep for your blackened soul

I walk naked through life
To show you I have nothing to hide
And I still walk with pride because
I can cry for you, but never will I
Give in


"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


16 posted 12-11-2008 11:29 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

Finally found my favorite:

It’s taken all this time for me to see, all this time for understanding to creep in
There were days when the hate consumed what was left of me
I cursed you, punished you a million times over as I lay in bed
all the time screaming that I should have left you for dead,
knowing in your mind that would have been better than the current shape you’re in

Hurting me
Leaving me blind
Shoving me so far away
Nothing seemed easy to find
and I could finally see what wasn’t good for me

It’s a knowledge that ate away at my best intent; a relentless voice scratching at my brain
I couldn’t make the wars in your head cease firing
I couldn’t make the self inflicted wounds heal
so I buried the failure and blamed it on whatever felt real
feeling somewhere below the surface it was I who was responsible for all this pain

Hurting me
Leaving me blind
Shoving me so far away
Nothing seemed easy to find
and I could finally see what wasn’t good for me

So with aching eyes and bleeding heart I listened to you say goodbye
Wishing you could recognize, that being here, even like this, was my life
I lost a part of me when you decided you couldn’t be what I needed
Three months of silent begging of the phone and self-hate for so easily having conceded
Three months of asking myself how you could so effortlessly cease to try

Hurting me
Leaving me blind
Shoving me so far away
Nothing seemed easy to find
and I could finally see what wasn’t good for me

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Lucie
Senior Member
since 06-20-99
Posts 1123
Houston


17 posted 12-14-2008 01:02 PM       View Profile for Lucie   Email Lucie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lucie

I haven't posted in a long time. I'm a quiet visitor now. As I was telling my daughter though, the best poems I have ever written were challenges given by my fellow poets. This one was a challenge given long ago by "Hoot". Thanks for letting me revisit some memories.

"The Little King"

Once there lived a little boy, a shy and quiet child.
Often he was overlooked his sibling kind of wild.
He traveled through each day in life in quiet fantasy.
Of knights in armor, far off lands and kingdoms make believe.

He built a castle in his mind with motes around its wall.
A drawbridge he alone controlled, which no one crossed at all.
He was an evil wicked King his reign was far and wide.
Strong character he presented all to hide the fear inside.

In mind he wove elaborate tales of dragons he would slay.
The other kingdoms he would seize and belong to him someday.
But he was caught quite unawares when down the road did stroll.
A bent and wicked little woman, (such an awfully ugly troll).

She hollered up to him across the mote filled with shark fin.
My name is Elizabeth, I’m your sister… let me in!
The little King he rolled his eyes with exasperated moan
He yelled over his shoulder.. Mom! She won’t leave me alone.

Oh I forgot to tell you all about the mother Queen.
She was the only person he allowed inside his dream.
She was a kind and gentle soul and seems to understand.
That Christopher needed privacy in his far off kingdom land.

So she hollered from the kitchen of this castle in his mind.
That if Beth didn’t step away, she’d have a sore behind.
Go away and leave him be, he doesn’t bother you.
I’ll make you scrub the dungeon, go find something else to do.

The little King puffed up his chest allegiance did he vow.
And claimed that if it took all day, he’d repay the Queen somehow.
So off in search of tribute to his mother Queen he went.
And brought back to her a flower, a small dandelion, (bent).

But in his eyes she saw the dozen roses that he gave,
bent and kissed the little King, promising to always save.
You see the little King's big heart wasn’t really all that mean,
But big sisters they just can’t view, what’s seen by mother Queen.
 
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