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Passions in Poetry

OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

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Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


0 posted 06-15-2005 05:53 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

How about a poem about being Vulnerable
with out using- the word Vulnerable, weak, pathetic,need, dependent. others will be fine.


Using-free style

(the shorter the better)

Have fun...

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


1 posted 06-15-2005 10:20 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum92/HTML/003408.html

I forgot.... heh.....
-JUju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


2 posted 06-16-2005 08:15 AM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Lying, apathetic
the cool breath of 'morn
awakens my spirit
to go traveling, traversing
along city streets, tramping  
over people and life itself -
I think that I
should retire to sleep
again
because
the daylight crowds my brain
while the night embraces me
with soft kisses.
Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


3 posted 06-16-2005 11:05 AM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

That is a good poem I liked it alot.  You used the show don't tell technique, which is great for setting an mood or atmosphere. I liked the clear symbols too. well done.

-Juju
Walter Poe
Senior Member
since 10-13-1999
Posts 724


4 posted 06-17-2005 03:38 PM       View Profile for Walter Poe   Email Walter Poe   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Walter Poe

Walking this way i met myself
i looked into my eyes
i looked deep into my own soul
at what lay beneath the skin this skin
i saw my weakness
that eats away at me
i saw the wolf at my door
I saw the darkness deep within me
and how on my life it did draw
i saw a future devoid of hope
i saw a past of wasted dreams
that my friend that was the day
that i reached my end

Take a good look at my face
Well, don't my smile look out of  place
look a little closer its easy to trace
The tracks of my tears

Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


5 posted 06-17-2005 04:00 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

Very nice poem I liked the end.  


Kinda dark, but oh well.  I would change the word weakness. The reason I listed those words is that those words are over used. I garentee if you change that word it will make youre poem even better(:

good job,
-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

Don_Juan
Member
since 04-08-2004
Posts 254
Far from where I am going


6 posted 07-07-2005 01:55 AM       View Profile for Don_Juan   Email Don_Juan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Don_Juan

Wandering aimlessly
through a field of black
hovering on what appears to be soil
a crimson tear of terror
streaks throughout the sky
falling to shards
among nothingness
It was the day of my birth
I have deteriorated more
this year than most
as weights of responsibility
have been tied to my throat
It was my birthday today
and never have I been more lost.

(an attempt playing off of my recent birthday on the June 17th. I hope this fills the criteria)

nice use of muffin


Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


7 posted 07-07-2005 10:55 AM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

THat was really good.  
I like the way you phased each stanza.  I like poems that are like this.  well done. (:

-Juju

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 08-27-2002
Posts 40647
Realms of Light


8 posted 08-08-2005 01:42 PM       View Profile for Earth Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Earth Angel's Home Page   View IP for Earth Angel

Hi, Juju! Your challenge inspired me to write "Scorched".
http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum93/HTML/000941.html  

Thank you!


EA
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


9 posted 08-08-2005 08:23 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Here's mine Juju - short and maybe not so sweet
http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum93/HTML/000944.html
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


10 posted 08-09-2005 08:49 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

http://piptalk.com/pip/Forum93/HTML/000957.html

Excellent challenge, Juju.  Thank you!
Marilyn
Member Elite
since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


11 posted 08-09-2005 10:44 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

No light pours in through tainted glass
This love of woe has come to pass
Though darkness grows with every hour
My heart does seek the one with power
To shine through darkness baring light
Who fights for me with all their might
Who's love is true and stong and sure
Who loving look is all the cure
and though I wait and though I look
What sun does shine upon this book?
It pages old and worn and sad
But inside all will make you glad
Just take a chance to look inside
For all the wonder it can provide
But many looked for just one page
Some saw two but didn't gage
The life there hidden in the words
The life they sought amoungst the birds
Where song is sung and joy is near
But they just couldn't fight the fear
And so the book with aged face
Forever waits there in it's place.
MGROVES
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 02-01-2004
Posts 3801
california


12 posted 08-11-2005 09:43 AM       View Profile for MGROVES   Email MGROVES   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for MGROVES

took a journey
my soul and i
above it all~
as spirits
wings kept
sights afar~
when near to heart
the lights grew dim~
as life and love
and truths
never given
all came tumbling in~
    

My spirit will rise
above the sea~
There will be no drowning
of my soul or me~

Juju
Member Elite
since 12-29-2003
Posts 3353
In your dreams


13 posted 09-04-2005 07:39 PM       View Profile for Juju   Email Juju   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Juju's Home Page   View IP for Juju

Wow it was really alot of fun seeing you all taking apart in this chalange.

Juju - 1.) a magic charm or fetish 2.)Magic 3.)A taboo connected woth the use of magic

The dictionary never lies.... I am magical (;

 
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