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Passions in Poetry

Parody Challenge ---- To His Koi Mistress

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Ratleader
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
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0 posted 08-21-2003 11:04 PM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

I wrote this first (God knows why, I must be nuts!) and decided that the best place for it would be here, as a challenge.....

Take a well-known or even a classical poem, and write a parody of it, using as much of the original scan and rhyme as sense and modern taste will allow. Here's what I came up with, and a link to the original if you want to peek at it.... http://netpoets.com/classic/poems/043009.htm


To His Koi Mistress

Had you but words enough, and time
And your scales a bit less slime,
And feet of course, some way
To walk and pass the livelong day
We’d talk it over, side by side
And cure your longing for the tide.
But you do not, and yet I would
Love you in park or sitzbath or in flood,
And for your part you don’t refuse,
Though if you spoke at all it would be news,
And conversation might help love to grow--
Alas, in that you are a little slow.
Your orange scales are worthy of some praise
And goggle eyes out of your forehead gaze;
Far better if you had a breast
Or even two, and for the rest
You're incomplete in every part
And with some extras through the art
Of DNA. Too bad, your chromosomal state
Declares you have another fate,
For at my back I clearly hear
My dinner guests; the time is near
When you upon a platter lie
As guest of honor. Do not sigh,
For you’ve no lungs. Your airsack round
Can’t make the necessary sound.
I’ve given up; though I did try,
You’ll keep your wet virginity.
Your lack of lips or hips or bust
Gave me no focus for my lust,
Nor was there any other private place:
We do not match when we embrace,
And you do smell of fish. Your hue
Is something else I would undo,
And will, for what transpires
Will darken you. The charcoal fires
Will warm you, and I may
Nibble a bit for love’s sake on the way.
And then with Cajun spices we’ll devour –
You’re after all a carp, and in my power,
And you’re a pretty fish, but after all,
You aren’t the Cinderella at this ball.
Our love has brought me too much strife;
I’m heading north to a new life;
I'll choose, under the midnight sun,
A mistress from the salmon run.


~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

[This message has been edited by Ratleader (08-22-2003 12:36 AM).]

littlewing
Member Rara Avis
since 03-02-2003
Posts 9998
New York


1 posted 08-22-2003 12:18 AM       View Profile for littlewing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for littlewing

Ed - what an awesome challenge and a tough one too . . . Ok gimme some time with this one . . .
Legion
Member
since 07-20-2003
Posts 82


2 posted 08-22-2003 07:51 AM       View Profile for Legion   Email Legion   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Legion


They’re old one’s but do these qualify?

A Darkling Poet (the thrush replies to Thomas Hardy)

I perched above a coppice gate
One bloody freezing day
I felt a bit disconsolate
My wife had flown away
And great black clouds all gathered round
Like someone burning tyres
I wish that mankind had not found
That knack for starting fires

A poet stood beneath my tree
Tom Hardy was his name
So I chirped a soliloquy
To ask of him his game
" Oi Thomas find another gate
to lean your arse upon
I’m trying to attract a mate
I lost me other one"

The duffer then starts smiling up
Some Cheshire cat gone mad
Like he’d just found a golden cup
He never knew he had
I wished the stupid git would go
And sling his bleeding hook
But as I sang a song or two
He wrote poems in his book

Why didn’t he just go away
The chicks were running scared
That plonker poet was in the way
Of me and my new bird
Just then a fear began to grow
His smile began to haunt
Could Thomas Hardy somehow know
Some secret that I don’t
http://www.uchicago.edu/docs/millennium/chandler/poem2.html

Rudyard Life

If you can argue senseless things or nothing
And still be wrong more often than you’re right;
If you spend all your weekends window shopping
Then talk about the things you failed to buy all night.
If you work hard but have no spending money,
Or have some money saved inside a garden shed
yet know your only hope of milk and honey
Is if some rich old Aunt you had dropped dead.

If you start missing football practice
Because you’re booked to have YOUR highlights done!
If you find Baywatch re-runs entertaining
And sit there praying Pam and co. will run;
If you can’t burp without a pardon
As easily as you thought you used to do
Or shocked discover ‘House and Garden’
Instead of ‘Loaded’ in the toilet (once the loo).

If you find ‘Yes dear’ easier than saying ‘no’
Yet cringe in case you get the answer wrong;
If you dream of Public Houses– but scared to go
Think saying ‘darling please’ may be too strong.
If you believe that life can’t get more boring;
That beds were never made for having fun;
If your lover turns into a stranger snoring
Then you will be a married man my son.
http://www.kipling.org.uk/kip_fra.htm

Parking the Car (after crossing the bar)

Headline in the evening star
My pager beeps for me!
Another boys night at the bar
I’m up in court at three.

Though I am wrecked I can recall
Quaffing quarts of foamy beer
And a woman dancing round a pole
Me joining in; a scream; a cheer;

A siren (or perhaps a bell);
Two policemen and a bruiser
A black eye and a broken nose;
The back seat of a cruiser.

I see I’m late, that I must go
To pay for damaging that bar
But what I really need to know
Is where I parked my car!
http://netpoets.com/classic/poems/064007.htm
Ratleader
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-23-2003
Posts 7179
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass


3 posted 08-22-2003 10:04 AM       View Profile for Ratleader   Email Ratleader   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ratleader's Home Page   View IP for Ratleader

Oh most definitely! Qualify and make my morning -- beautiful stuff there!

'Course, you know me and rules, they help you play the game, and part of the game is to bend and stretch 'em as far as they'll go.....

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19275
Between the Lines


4 posted 08-22-2003 11:21 AM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

not sure I can do this..will contemplate between weeding breaks... I think I have done a parody before, but oh so long ago.

But would be a nice challenge.

M
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


5 posted 08-22-2003 01:04 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

These are too good...

I'll think about this one, but methinks you've got me on this one, Ed.

Enjoyed these offerings tho.

Sadelite
Member Elite
since 10-11-2003
Posts 2561


6 posted 06-23-2004 01:02 PM       View Profile for Sadelite   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sadelite

Ratleader,
  I was rummaging through rooms I hadn' been and I found this.  Too funny with an underlying theme.  I can't help cracking up, though I get the drift.  Loved it!   You made my day!!!
          Sadelite
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