»
Discussion
»
Poetry Challenge!
»
I need your help
| Poetry Challenge! |
|
I need your help |
|
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
I'm really tired of being in a writing slump!! Does anyone have a spare 'phrase' you can spare for me? I need inspiration!!! |
||
| © Copyright 2003 Poet deVine - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Phaedrus Member
since 2002-01-26
Posts 180 |
A consequence of lies all built upon The misinterpretation of a kiss |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Sigh. I don't know...not sure I like it... *** She wondered why he avoided her Why he claimed ‘busy’ every time she called Hurt, she retreated a step, Became aloof as their friendship stalled She told him she found a lover He told her the same thing She told him she was quite happy He said he was shopping for a ring Their friendship grew strained Each missing their friend of old Each lost in thoughts of ‘why?’ Why had they both grown so cold Each thought the other harbored Feelings of passionate love and desire Because of a small incident at a party Ignited a momentary fire The kiss they shared was passionate But it was never meant to divide Neither admitted it wasn’t what they wanted So friendship was thrown to the side What they lost was something so precious It was an aching void of ‘I miss’ A consequence of lies all built upon the misinterpretation of a kiss |
||
|
Phaedrus Member
since 2002-01-26
Posts 180 |
One heck of a lot better than I could ever do. I’ve been kicking those lines around for months.  |
||
|
IcyFlamez89 Member
since 2003-02-14
Posts 292Jersey City NJ |
I'm in a slump too. For me, I doodle and sketch, the random lines and subtle shades often evoking a thought that wishes to escape. pictures are nice too, I guess. As for a phrase... I see the world in gray; help me find the colors. ??? |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
P - I SERIOUSLY doubt it. You are a much deeper poet than I..I'm surface you are depth... Hmmm... I see the world in gray; help me find the colors. Thanks! I'll give it a try.  |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
In sunset times no hues of blue No orange glow in west With passions though I’ve found the shade And know I’ve seen the best With stark-hidden eyes I see the world in gray; help me find life’s colors. That take this pain away Give me your yellow tones Your crimson kiss of tint Purple tinged to lavender Subtle brushing with this hint The heart of an artist paints With words stroked in blue A thousand words lined alone My painted gift to you **** |
||
Masked Intruder
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231Near golden sunsets |
Sleeping in the shadows, Dreaming in the sun. ------------- Ripe and plump, soft to the touch. ------------- It fell from the sky, swirling madness. ------------- You'll hear my voice only when I can't sleep. ------------- It comes and goes. -------------- I fade. -------------- Silence. |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Ok..I like this one: It fell from the sky, swirling madness |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Obsidian wings Cloaked in a whisper Rising from nightmarish dreams Taking my breath with a single sigh Determined to find My foolish screams Don’t look up Stay your eyes From dark visions ancient and ageless hellish descent signaled by shrieks As it fell from the sky, swirling madness **** Blech....see what I mean? It's not working. |
||
|
Masked Intruder
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231Near golden sunsets |
Okay, I think that your first problem is you woke up waaaay too early. *Grins* But, c'mon, darlin. Give yourself a break. That one wasn't bad. You just need to stop forcing them. |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
If I don't force them, I remain constipated-muse wise! |
||
|
Phaedrus Member
since 2002-01-26
Posts 180 |
Your problem may be that you just think you can’t write.  As for surface writing as opposed to writing with depth the latter is easier – HONEST! Depth in poetry goes hand in hand with obscurity it’s the difference between telling a story and suggesting an interpretation that creates poetry with depth. Telling the reader something precisely while keeping them interested is far harder than just suggesting and keeping them so occupied in the interpretation that they don’t have time to be disinterested. You also have to realise that surface poetry and poetry with depth are both equally valid ways of getting your point across and if either was to dominate or be seen as superior to the other poetry in general and readers in particular would be the losers. One isn’t any better or less valid than the other. This for instance: She wondered why he avoided her Why he claimed ‘busy’ every time she called Hurt, she retreated a step, Became aloof as their friendship stalled Is just as valid as this: Buried in his busyness; Lost in unanswered calls, She reverses from unfriendliness Into easily defended halls. The first version tells the reader what’s happening/happened while the second version allows the reader to decide what’s going on – to interpret what’s happening. Attempting to add depth by removing clarity can be overdone though. The idea is to guide them to an interpretation that is as close as possible to what you wanted to tell the reader in the first place while avoiding entirely actually telling them and without losing them along the way. My problem unlike yours is that I know I can't write. |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
quote: Perhaps this is why I don't understand some poetry. Can a mind be trained to 'interpret' poetry? For a long time I thought I could only write rhyming poetry. I've tried free and blank verse and that's harder for me. Sometimes when I read it, it sounds like a story just chopped into broken lines. I seriously think I'm losing my 'poetic' soul. |
||
|
Phaedrus Member
since 2002-01-26
Posts 180 |
It seems strangely ironic and slightly surreal that someone who obviously can’t write poetry is trying to explain how to write poetry to someone who so obviously can. Perhaps one way around the absurdity is to explain that my earlier post is how I read and write poetry, I can just about explain that if you’re interested but I’m not too sure what you’d gain from it. |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Obviously I'm at some kind of crossroad here so I would be pleased if you would explain to me... |
||
|
Phaedrus Member
since 2002-01-26
Posts 180 |
As I said I don’t see what you might gain listening to someone who can’t write, you’d be far better reading Ron’s explanations in the Free Verse or Meter thread in the alley. I can only explain how I write not the right (if there is a right) way to write or how you should write. |
||
|
MaskOfZero New Member
since 2003-05-10
Posts 4 |
Waiting for Dawn Morning will come soon, it must This night has been so long and dark Moonless—with pale stars gasping light Through boiling clouds of soot In a palette drained of color Shades haunt the twilight world Wandering without vision or warning Until a landmark looms Suddenly, out of the murk An ancient basalt standing stone On a dry, windswept plain Pointing a finger to the sky Touching the gray new day Beckoning the slow dawn To paint the world again |
||
|
MaskOfZero New Member
since 2003-05-10
Posts 4 |
When it is time Each puzzle piece will fall in place When it is time Scattered words will suddenly rhyme And what was once a headlong race Flows around with a dancer's grace When it is time |
||
|
MaskOfZero New Member
since 2003-05-10
Posts 4 |
The Early Light Before you see the sun on horizon There is a brief time when soft light will bless Rising gently, as long night dies at dawn What the day will bring we can only guess But for now, there is a moment of truce In the eternal war of light and dark Before a crow caws in the looming spruce And the sleepy dog lifts his head to bark In dim new light is a shining promise Of when morning sun will paint all in gold And songbirds shall herald the coming bliss Knowing soon that warmth will banish night's cold In the early light a pure hope can give The desperate soul a reason to live |
||
Ringo
since 2003-02-20
Posts 3684Saluting with misty eyes |
I used to have those "blocks" all the time, until I met an author who made me realize that it wasn't really a block at all... He actually geave me an exercise to assist with the removing the block, and I pass it on to you. Sit down in front of your computer, and get comfortable. Turn the lights low. Take a deep cleansing breath, and without opening your eyes, imagine if your bills were two months behind, and weren't going to get paid without you finishing something NOW. It is absolutely amazing at how quickly you can come up with quality under those terms. lol Now, for those lines... Laying here beside you, seeing you breathe Hearing your sorrow, hearing your need... When the morning cries and you don't know why... |
||
|
Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Sharon, Perhaps this is why I don't understand some poetry. Can a mind be trained to 'interpret' poetry? Everyone comes away from a poem with something different. This is why a poet can only put in a piece what they are thinking for feeling as they write it. Every poem is not for everyone. There are many pieces I have read that leave me baffled. I do not believe that that makes me any less of a poet. I also do not believe that if someone else read the same piece and gets every line is more of a poet or even brighter then I. You are an amazing poet and you do write deep pieces even if they are not so deep for you. Each pieces touches people differently. I have always respected your talent and thought highly of your work from the first day I found this place. Never give up, this to shall pass. Marilyn (I hope this helps a little) |
||
|
morefiah Member
since 2003-03-26
Posts 150Spanish Town, Jamaica |
I think you guys must be kidding. 'Devine, I wish I could write half as well as you do. I have been having writers block for a couple of weeks now, and I come onto this thread and see what you do with the lines that you were given, and I say to myself: "Damn!! Phaedrus, duhh... says who you can't write? Give me a break people. Are you trying to make the rest of us less talented people feel bad here? Naah... just kidding. I really think you guys are good though so hang in there. |
||
|
wings of the moon Member
since 2003-03-27
Posts 323Pink bubblegum land |
a few annoying lines i can never, ever continue... grrrr...damn them Break them up, tear them aprt in any direction that you wish, I don't mind A new strange rose I found today with peach coloured petals in its array, ripe with candid splendour it moved, "more than yesterday, less than tomorrow, i love you" |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
