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Passions in Poetry

I need your help

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Poet deVine
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Hurricane Alley


0 posted 05-08-2003 11:24 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine


I'm really tired of being in a writing slump!! Does anyone have a spare 'phrase' you can spare for me? I need inspiration!!!
Phaedrus
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since 01-26-2002
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1 posted 05-09-2003 01:19 PM       View Profile for Phaedrus   Email Phaedrus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Phaedrus


A consequence of lies all built upon
The misinterpretation of a kiss
Poet deVine
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2 posted 05-09-2003 08:05 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Sigh. I don't know...not sure I like it...


***


She wondered why he avoided her
Why he claimed ‘busy’ every time she called
Hurt, she retreated a step,
Became aloof as their friendship stalled
She told him she found a lover
He told her the same thing
She told him she was quite happy
He said he was shopping for a ring
Their friendship grew strained
Each missing their friend of old
Each lost in thoughts of ‘why?’
Why had they both grown so cold
Each thought the other harbored
Feelings of passionate love and desire
Because of a small incident at a party
Ignited a momentary fire
The kiss they shared was passionate
But it was never meant to divide
Neither admitted it wasn’t what they wanted
So friendship was thrown to the side
What they lost was something so precious
It was an aching void of ‘I miss’
A consequence of lies all built upon
the misinterpretation of a kiss
Phaedrus
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since 01-26-2002
Posts 280


3 posted 05-09-2003 09:52 PM       View Profile for Phaedrus   Email Phaedrus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Phaedrus


One heck of a lot better than I could ever do.

I’ve been kicking those lines around for months.
IcyFlamez89
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since 02-14-2003
Posts 300
Jersey City NJ


4 posted 05-09-2003 10:07 PM       View Profile for IcyFlamez89   Email IcyFlamez89   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit IcyFlamez89's Home Page   View IP for IcyFlamez89

I'm in a slump too. For me, I doodle and sketch, the random lines and subtle shades often evoking a thought that wishes to escape. pictures are nice too, I guess. As for a phrase...

I see the world in gray; help me find the colors.

???
Poet deVine
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5 posted 05-09-2003 11:10 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

P - I SERIOUSLY doubt it. You are a much deeper poet than I..I'm surface you are depth...


Hmmm...

I see the world in gray; help me find the colors.

Thanks! I'll give it a try.
Poet deVine
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6 posted 05-09-2003 11:18 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

In sunset times no hues of blue
No orange glow in west
With passions though
I’ve found the shade
And know I’ve seen the best

With stark-hidden eyes
I see the world in gray;
help me find life’s colors.
That take this pain away

Give me your yellow tones
Your crimson kiss of tint
Purple tinged to lavender
Subtle brushing with this hint

The heart of an artist paints
With words stroked in blue
A thousand words lined alone
My painted gift to you


****

Masked Intruder
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Near golden sunsets


7 posted 05-10-2003 03:24 AM       View Profile for Masked Intruder   Email Masked Intruder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Masked Intruder

Sleeping in the shadows,
Dreaming in the sun.


-------------


Ripe and plump, soft to the touch.


-------------


It fell from the sky, swirling madness.


-------------


You'll hear my voice only when I can't sleep.


-------------


It comes and goes.


--------------


I fade.


--------------


Silence.
Poet deVine
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8 posted 05-10-2003 04:31 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Ok..I like this one:

It fell from the sky, swirling madness


Poet deVine
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9 posted 05-10-2003 04:46 AM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine


Obsidian wings
Cloaked in a whisper
Rising from nightmarish dreams
Taking my breath with a single sigh
Determined to find
My foolish screams

Don’t look up
Stay your eyes
From dark visions ancient and ageless
hellish descent signaled by shrieks
As it fell from the sky,
swirling madness


****
Blech....see what I mean? It's not working.
Masked Intruder
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Near golden sunsets


10 posted 05-10-2003 12:22 PM       View Profile for Masked Intruder   Email Masked Intruder   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Masked Intruder

Okay, I think that your first problem is you woke up waaaay too early.  *Grins*

But, c'mon, darlin.  Give yourself a break.  That one wasn't bad.  You just need to stop forcing them.
Poet deVine
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11 posted 05-10-2003 12:39 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

If I don't force them, I remain constipated-muse wise!
Phaedrus
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12 posted 05-10-2003 02:01 PM       View Profile for Phaedrus   Email Phaedrus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Phaedrus

Your problem may be that you just think you can’t write.

As for surface writing as opposed to writing with depth the latter is easier – HONEST!

Depth in poetry goes hand in hand with obscurity it’s the difference between telling a story and suggesting an interpretation that creates poetry with depth. Telling the reader something precisely while keeping them interested is far harder than just suggesting and keeping them so occupied in the interpretation that they don’t have time to be disinterested. You also have to realise that surface poetry and poetry with depth are both equally valid ways of getting your point across and if either was to dominate or be seen as superior to the other poetry in general and readers in particular would be the losers. One isn’t any better or less valid than the other.

This for instance:

She wondered why he avoided her
Why he claimed ‘busy’ every time she called
Hurt, she retreated a step,
Became aloof as their friendship stalled

Is just as valid as this:

Buried in his busyness;
Lost in unanswered calls,
She reverses from unfriendliness
Into easily defended halls.

The first version tells the reader what’s happening/happened while the second version allows the reader to decide what’s going on – to interpret what’s happening. Attempting to add depth by removing clarity can be overdone though. The idea is to guide them to an interpretation that is as close as possible to what you wanted to tell the reader in the first place while avoiding entirely actually telling them and without losing them along the way.

My problem unlike yours is that I know I can't write.
Poet deVine
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13 posted 05-10-2003 04:41 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

quote:

The idea is to guide them to an interpretation that is as close as possible to what you wanted to tell the reader in the first place while avoiding entirely actually telling them and without losing them along the way.



Perhaps this is why I don't understand some poetry. Can a mind be trained to 'interpret' poetry? For a long time I thought I could only write rhyming poetry. I've tried free and blank verse and that's harder for me. Sometimes when I read it, it sounds like a story just chopped into broken lines.

I seriously think I'm losing my 'poetic' soul.
Phaedrus
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14 posted 05-10-2003 05:35 PM       View Profile for Phaedrus   Email Phaedrus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Phaedrus


It seems strangely ironic and slightly surreal that someone who obviously can’t write poetry is trying to explain how to write poetry to someone who so obviously can.

Perhaps one way around the absurdity is to explain that my earlier post is how I read and write poetry, I can just about explain that if you’re interested but I’m not too sure what you’d gain from it.
Poet deVine
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15 posted 05-10-2003 07:54 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

Obviously I'm at some kind of crossroad here so I would be pleased if you would explain to me...
Phaedrus
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16 posted 05-10-2003 08:47 PM       View Profile for Phaedrus   Email Phaedrus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Phaedrus


As I said I don’t see what you might gain listening to someone who can’t write, you’d be far better reading Ron’s explanations in the Free Verse or Meter thread in the alley.

I can only explain how I write not the right (if there is a right) way to write or how you should write.
MaskOfZero
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17 posted 05-10-2003 09:01 PM       View Profile for MaskOfZero   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for MaskOfZero

        Waiting for Dawn

Morning will come soon, it must
This night has been so long and dark
Moonless—with pale stars gasping light
Through boiling clouds of soot
In a palette drained of color
Shades haunt the twilight world
Wandering without vision or warning
Until a landmark looms
Suddenly, out of the murk
An ancient basalt standing stone
On a dry, windswept plain
Pointing a finger to the sky
Touching the gray new day
Beckoning the slow dawn
To paint the world again
MaskOfZero
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since 05-10-2003
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18 posted 05-10-2003 09:15 PM       View Profile for MaskOfZero   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for MaskOfZero

When it is time
Each puzzle piece will fall in place
When it is time
Scattered words will suddenly rhyme
And what was once a headlong race
Flows around with a dancer's grace
When it is time
MaskOfZero
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Posts 4


19 posted 05-10-2003 09:21 PM       View Profile for MaskOfZero   Edit/Delete Message     View IP for MaskOfZero


       The Early Light

Before you see the sun on horizon
There is a brief time when soft light will bless
Rising gently, as long night dies at dawn
What the day will bring we can only guess
But for now, there is a moment of truce
In the eternal war of light and dark
Before a crow caws in the looming spruce
And the sleepy dog lifts his head to bark
In dim new light is a shining promise
Of when morning sun will paint all in gold
And songbirds shall herald the coming bliss
Knowing soon that warmth will banish night's cold
In the early light a pure hope can give
The desperate soul a reason to live
Ringo
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Saluting with misty eyes


20 posted 05-10-2003 10:32 PM       View Profile for Ringo   Email Ringo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ringo

I used to have those "blocks" all the time, until I met an author who made me realize that it wasn't really a block at all... He actually geave me an exercise to assist with the removing the block, and I pass it on to you.
Sit down in front of your computer, and get comfortable. Turn the lights low. Take a deep cleansing breath, and without opening your eyes, imagine if your bills were two months behind, and weren't going to get paid without you finishing something NOW. It is absolutely amazing at how quickly you can come up with quality under those terms. lol
Now, for those lines...

Laying here beside you, seeing you breathe
Hearing your sorrow, hearing your need...

When the morning cries and you don't know why...

Marilyn
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since 09-26-1999
Posts 2646
Ontario, Canada


21 posted 05-13-2003 11:40 AM       View Profile for Marilyn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Marilyn

Sharon,

Perhaps this is why I don't understand some poetry. Can a mind be trained to 'interpret' poetry?


Everyone comes away from a poem with something different. This is why a poet can only put in a piece what they are thinking for feeling as they write it. Every poem is not for everyone. There are many pieces I have read that leave me baffled. I do not believe that that makes me any less of a poet. I also do not believe that if someone else read the same piece and gets every line is more of a poet or even brighter then I.

You are an amazing poet and you do write deep pieces even if they are not so deep for you. Each pieces touches people differently.

I have always respected your talent and thought highly of your work from the first day I found this place.

Never give up, this to shall pass.

Marilyn

(I hope this helps a little)
morefiah
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since 03-26-2003
Posts 156
Spanish Town, Jamaica


22 posted 05-14-2003 10:30 AM       View Profile for morefiah   Email morefiah   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for morefiah

I think you guys must be kidding. 'Devine, I wish I could write half as well as you do. I have been having writers block for a couple of weeks now, and I come onto this thread and see what you do with the lines that you were given, and I say to myself: "Damn!!

Phaedrus, duhh... says who you can't write? Give me a break people. Are you trying to make the rest of us less talented people feel bad here? Naah... just kidding. I really think you guys are good though so hang in there.
wings of the moon
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since 03-27-2003
Posts 325
Pink bubblegum land


23 posted 05-18-2003 11:34 AM       View Profile for wings of the moon   Email wings of the moon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wings of the moon

a few annoying lines i can never, ever continue... grrrr...damn them Break them up, tear them aprt in any direction that you wish, I don't mind

A new strange rose I found today
with peach coloured petals in its array,
ripe with candid splendour it moved,


"more than yesterday, less than tomorrow, i love you"

 
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