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Passions in Poetry

Friendly Goodbye

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Magic Bunny
Junior Member
since 07-26-99
Posts 19


0 posted 07-29-99 07:35 PM       View Profile for Magic Bunny   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Magic Bunny

Hiya! O.k. Here's the situation. There's a song I'm writing to sing for my friend's goodbye party. She's moving to Washington in a couple of days and they asked me to sing a song! My friend Nadia is going to play on the piano. Here's an idea for some of the song:

When someone close is leaving,
they a piece of your heart.
When it seems like it's ending,
we wonder what happened to the start.

What seems like it was yesterday,
you took them as a friend.
It's many years of friendship,
and a broken heart to mend.

But, it's not over.
You're always on my mind.
You'll stay there forever,
and then soon you'll find,
even though were far away,
in our hearts we'll both stay,
and we'll go on... in time.

*********************************************
Anybody else know what to say? I don't want it to be sad. I want it to remind here that we'll stay friends forever. Help?
Cobra
Member
since 07-27-99
Posts 60


1 posted 07-29-99 08:15 PM       View Profile for Cobra   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Cobra

Try this:

Do you remember?
Our friendship was the best.
With you moving on,
my emotions put me to the test.

I know that were hurting,
there's not much to say.
But, please remember you're my friend,
and that how we will stay.

*Repeat your 3rd paragraph

------------------
Cammie
Magic Bunny
Junior Member
since 07-26-99
Posts 19


2 posted 07-29-99 08:17 PM       View Profile for Magic Bunny   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Magic Bunny

Hmmm... Not bad. Does anyone else have any other ideas? I want it to sound ... happier. THANKS!

------------------
The Magical Rainbow Bunny
redwriter1
Member
since 07-22-99
Posts 476
Franklin, TN


3 posted 07-30-99 01:04 AM       View Profile for redwriter1   Email redwriter1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for redwriter1

If you are trying to be sincere.. try writing in the first person..

tell this person.. "honestly" the way you feel about the loss.. but how glad you are to have know them.. what they have meant to you..

and how much a better person you are for knowing them..

try to concentrate on the positive.

as in..


don't talk about going away..
talk about.. how your friend will never really leave your heart because they have put an idelible mark on your life..


ie...


I wish you didn't have to go
but you'll never really be gone
in my mind you'll stay forever
like a never ending song..

(ooohh.. did i say that? ) lol

redwriter1
Member
since 07-22-99
Posts 476
Franklin, TN


4 posted 07-30-99 01:07 AM       View Profile for redwriter1   Email redwriter1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for redwriter1

oops one more thing..
if you're trying to write lyrics..

try not so hard to be "poetic".
just say what you mean.. and then
figure a way to make the last words match. hahah.. sounds simple don't it?

but.. it does work when you truly speak from your heart.. so .. my advice.. write aletter about how much the person means to you.. and then.. edit edit edit..

hope that helps..

sweet thoughts... always work...
honesty .. never fails...
don't set out to "write a song"
set out to have a conversation..

try it.. let me know if that helps..

Red
Magic Bunny
Junior Member
since 07-26-99
Posts 19


5 posted 07-30-99 11:46 AM       View Profile for Magic Bunny   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Magic Bunny

Thanks Red! I see what you are saying. That's a way of making sure this song is positive! I'll really miss her, but it would be a whole lot better if it was happier. I'll just write what I really feel in a nice way. Thank you so much!
Sue
Member
since 08-04-99
Posts 407
France


6 posted 08-04-99 10:10 AM       View Profile for Sue   Email Sue   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sue

However far you travel,
However many years
I'll not forget our friendship
And not give way to tears.

Knowing you I'm happy
To have you for my friend,
and we will always keep in touch
Until the very end.
 
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