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Passions in Poetry

In the Stillness of the Night...

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Fofinha
New Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 8
Clifton, CO, USA


0 posted 07-28-99 12:14 PM       View Profile for Fofinha   Email Fofinha   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Fofinha's Home Page   View IP for Fofinha

This doesn't flow to well...help....

I hear your voice
in the stillness of the night
whispering my name

I try to ignore
you calling my name
but your voice grows louder

As tears begin to stream down my face
I can no klonger deny
my love for you

Here in the stillness of the night.



------------------
It is a rare and special thing
to find a friend
who will remain a friend forever...
Sweet T
Member
since 06-14-99
Posts 65
mesa, arizona maricopa


1 posted 07-28-99 12:35 PM       View Profile for Sweet T   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sweet T

Your words say a lot. I think that all you need to do is put more umph in the stillness part. If this person is like a love you want to forget focus on how hard it is to forget. If it is about a lost friend give more umph to the depression of that loss. I am a beginning poet and I hope that this can help you a little bit. If not then at least I tried. To me though it is a great poem.
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