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Passions in Poetry

Writer's block...=(

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Fofinha
New Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 8
Clifton, CO, USA


0 posted 07-18-99 04:52 PM       View Profile for Fofinha   Email Fofinha   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Fofinha's Home Page   View IP for Fofinha

I am working on a poem and it just isn't coming out right... This is the only place I found that could possibly help me... HELP....

Throughut my life
I've been on a search
For the greatest treasure
My one true love

Though the way has been long
And the roads many,
The search is over
My heart is full of song..

From the moment we met
I knew I found
The greatest treasure...
My one true love
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 05-26-99
Posts 25869
Hurricane Alley


1 posted 07-18-99 09:32 PM       View Profile for Poet deVine   Email Poet deVine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet deVine

It seems I've searched
my whole life through
for the greatest treasure
my one true love

Though the way has been long
And the roads many,
The search is finally over
and my heart is full of song

Then from the moment we met
There was no doubt
I found that treasure...
My one true love

You have a good rhythm and some good phrases..did you want to say more? This is sweet and simple!
Fofinha
New Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 8
Clifton, CO, USA


2 posted 07-19-99 01:22 AM       View Profile for Fofinha   Email Fofinha   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Fofinha's Home Page   View IP for Fofinha

Thank you!!! Just by changing those few words, it is complete... I could add more..but I think you are right...

Moon Dust
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-11-99
Posts 2250
Skelmersdale, UK


3 posted 07-20-99 06:18 PM       View Profile for Moon Dust   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Moon Dust

actully its fine as it is but when i start a poem i get the feelings down first, then make changes if needed. If you think you need to add a bit more then thats up to you.

------------------
The day is at it's end, but for you it's only just begining.
redwriter1
Member
since 07-22-99
Posts 476
Franklin, TN


4 posted 07-22-99 09:10 PM       View Profile for redwriter1   Email redwriter1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for redwriter1

go to geocities and searchg for the diamond rio site.. and listen to the song
" i know how the river feels"

I think it says exactly what you are trying
to convey.

just a thought.. you won't be disappointed
LngJhnAg
Member Elite
since 07-23-99
Posts 3654
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion


5 posted 07-23-99 02:45 PM       View Profile for LngJhnAg   Email LngJhnAg   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LngJhnAg

Fofinha

It seems I've searched
my whole life through
for the greatest treasure
my one true love

Though the way has been long
And the roads many,
The search is finally over
and my heart is full of song

Then from the moment we met
There was no doubt
I found that treasure...
My one true love

hmmm... there seem to be four directions you may go with this, Fofinha - stop right there, or go outwards and/or inwards. Lets look at the last three options.

First, outwards. You could pursue the obvious thread that you were alone and you were seeking the one person who could make you complete. Then you found him (her).

Where once I was alone and dark,
Half the person I am now,
I'm completed because I found...
My one true love.


Or, the inward approach...

I searched for the person I am,
For the heart I knew was there.
I found both within my soul...
My own true love.

Or, try changing the focus from searching for yourself, or for someone you could call your own, to a combination of the two... For example, the realization that you finally found yourself worthy of your own love, and thereby you found love in another. Something like this...

I discovered when I loved myself,
Is when I had finally found,
The richness of another...
My one true love.


I'm new here, so if I have presumed too much, please tolerate me, forgive me, and guide me.
Fofinha
New Member
since 07-18-99
Posts 8
Clifton, CO, USA


6 posted 07-23-99 02:53 PM       View Profile for Fofinha   Email Fofinha   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Fofinha's Home Page   View IP for Fofinha

Thank you all for your help with this... I ultimately have decided to stop where I left off with it... I am now working on several others... Again..Thanx.. =)
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