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Passions in Poetry

A Study Of Loss

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Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


0 posted 06-01-2002 10:45 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Severn

She swings her legs, my mother,
laughing with her silly pig-tails,
twenty-one.

Would she have kept on swinging
if she had foreseen electric shock treatment
and the naked belief of her insanity
in the faces of the kindly, patronising nurses

I wonder -
would she have borne me?

The angry man:
he lashed a cord around the books I loved.
We were at war, but really, I know he tried.
It’s a pity the peace has died again
over something as inane as a plate.
What a shame, Dad.

I’d love to walk with you among those pine trees you planted.
Never mind.

And the girl.
She thinks if she writes in convolution,
a mess, someone will find her and make it all ok.
It doesn’t work that well though, little one,
when your omelettes are burned
on one side and nothing changes but location.

Like quilts  - it takes years to unravel patterns
by a thread.

Singing alone in the nights, singing ‘watching
bridges burn, everybody has to go.’
Funny, the stars have ceased to answer.
Maybe it’s because I live in a city
and I can’t see the sky anymore.

The face of distance:
Tell me Pooh, do you remember Roo and the Owl?  
I know his sleepy wings have settled in his gardens.
She though, ah yes, we’ll talk soon about soft pacific sands
and the weight of a smile. And tell me Pooh,
will you sail to the moon do you think?
Far from all this earth-bound sadness.

They have both left fairytale.

It’s like a cord snapping shut.
Closing around the capacity to care,
to give a damn,
to open like the lily and say
come on in, I’m here.

My friend and I, we walked tonight, and in the rain,
under the streetlight, I said ‘it’s only two weeks away
and you never ask how I am.’ Apparently,
he doesn’t know what to say, because of history.

I remember when I, young,
had eyes as guileless, and hurt,
as the whale’s song.
Vessel-like, I emptied pain into my palms
and hoped for better days.

[This message has been edited by Severn (06-01-2002 11:01 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved
Seymour Tabin
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since 07-07-99
Posts 32119
Tamarac Fla


1 posted 06-01-2002 11:24 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Severn,
Aa very revealing write, well done, enjoyed the read.
Martie
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since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
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2 posted 06-01-2002 11:37 AM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Kamla

So much pain in this...it hurt!

So many expectations lead to so many disappointments.  Trust, love, friedship...all such true and heart laced things, seem sometimes to be less then the dream of them.  That is the hardest lesson of youth, I think...as is the fact that we are not children any more..

Sorry to ramble, your poem's fault.  You dipped your pen in so many feelings..that you gave me some.  Huggles!

PS..I tried to email you with the Passion's address for you, but it came back twice..can you please send me current, I seem to have lost it...thanks

[This message has been edited by Martie (06-01-2002 12:24 PM).]

Mistletoe Angel
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since 12-17-2000
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City of Roses


3 posted 06-01-2002 01:55 PM       View Profile for Mistletoe Angel   Email Mistletoe Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Mistletoe Angel's Home Page   View IP for Mistletoe Angel



(big hugggssssss) Oh Kamla, this is soooooo heartaching, sweet friend, I know this feeling so so much of adolescence, for I am living through this rough time right now where I know I am not a child anymore but I am also not free to make my own choices so I am caught in the crossover and I don't have much security! (sad sigh) My heart cries out to you, sweet friend, while all expectations may not be kept, know you will always be cared for, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Kamla, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton


"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

[This message has been edited by Mistletoe Angel (06-01-2002 04:14 PM).]

Jamie
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since 06-26-2000
Posts 3219
Blue Heaven


4 posted 06-01-2002 06:11 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

K

I am at work right now and have tried several times to reply to this, and keep getting interrupted by actually having to work, and the simple truth is I am going to need some time to reply to this in a manner even approaching what I feel I should. For now, Satpsych X 100 and twice that in hugs and kind warm thoughts.

Remember the I in love you.

J

There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar.
byron

serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


5 posted 06-01-2002 06:15 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

K? The silliness that I write could not compare to this--hand over heart hugs...

sometimes I wonder if you even know how lovely you are????

*hushed midi-k*
Madame Chipmunk
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since 12-05-2001
Posts 8552
Michigan


6 posted 06-01-2002 06:49 PM       View Profile for Madame Chipmunk   Email Madame Chipmunk   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Madame Chipmunk's Home Page   View IP for Madame Chipmunk

remember when I, young,
had eyes as guileless, and hurt,
as the whale’s song.
Vessel-like, I emptied pain into my palms
and hoped for better days.

Ouch...this hurts terribly, Kamla

A beautiful poem...

~ tearful hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Jamie
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Blue Heaven


7 posted 06-01-2002 10:55 PM       View Profile for Jamie   Email Jamie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Jamie's Home Page   View IP for Jamie

I haven't forgotten this-- just so you know
.
.
.
J
.
.
hk>lk
Enchantress
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since 08-14-2001
Posts 37801
Somewhere in time~


8 posted 06-01-2002 11:08 PM       View Profile for Enchantress   Email Enchantress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Enchantress

This write, is painful to read...
yet so incredibly remarkable!
~Hugs~
Christopher
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since 08-02-99
Posts 9130
Purgatorial Incarceration


9 posted 06-02-2002 12:18 AM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

one of the things I love the most about the written word is how "easily" it can express and invoke multiple emotions at a given time, or alternately. even so, to take both tacks here is a stroke (either of luck or genius, you decide *grin*) knowing where this comes from, my automatic emotion when seeing your mom is a softly
sad feeling of concern and desire to comfort. it seems to me (and I'd have to look back to be sure) that you almost always start poems involving your mom in the past, when things were "good" and then, like a lightning strike, jump forward to the current reality. whether that's on purpose or not, I don't know, but it's an excellent tool for emphasizing the stark pain of the now… there can be no sweet without sour, sour without sweet. the contrast is vivid and always jumps at the throat.

next, I smile a bit, a grim one, I admit, but fitting to a darker humour in the question of whether you would even be here were she to have known - oh, and the tangents that sends the mind off on in regard to questioning the validity and fact of our existence.

then your dad - nowhere near the focal point of most of your writings… to see him here was a surprise. even though the reader doesn't know what the deal with the "plate" is, they can see the word "trivial" written across your tone very easily, I think. the emotion here was both sadness and a mite of anger at the words "lashed a cord around the books I loved" which can be read literally or metaphorically, in the sense, perhaps, of disallowing emotions, activities, you name it - it's one of those things that the reader will fill in the blank for themselves on. I also appreciated the small concession to him "trying," especially since, once again, it emphasized the contrast, this time in regard to the plate.

"What a shame, Dad." indeed. lose the comma though, but indeed.

"Never mind." (make it one word, would look better, and no, don't nevermind )

Next, you have a different kind of melancholy - you have the recognition of someone who tells the whole world the pain she's in, but in such a way as to keep away the possibility of resolution… one she's perhaps afraid to tackle. yet - there is that desire, that hope that "someone" will break through the maze and help to heal. I think here though, that the other person is the same one who made that maze of words…

omlettes and location - blech. I appreciate where you were trying to go with this, but I just got a picture in my mind of eggs spanning across miles (kilometres) and it was humourous - something ill-fitting this. either ditch the eggs for another metaphor (eggs in one basket indeed) or get rid f it altogether and leave "nothing changes but location" by itself, I think it'd work better.

"like quilts" - again, appreciate the direction, but is too… much, too soft, to obvious. don't need it.

a fitting song following the above, who's it by? I don't recognize it off the top of my head. still, if apropos, it is. the next made me sigh… the picture formed in my head of someone crowded in, and yet still alone. almost like losing all the friends (bridges burned) and finding yourself in a room full of strangers (city) - can be a lonely thing, and there is no connection to call upon (ceased to answer). excellent stanza, I liked this one the best of all.

the next - will ask you more about it next time we talk, but this one made me think of certain things that I don't know if you intended. still, I appreciate the inclusion of common symbolism through the characters… so where's Christopher Robbins? You HAVE to have a Christopher!

then, take the cliché and reword it, remake it into an image that says the same, yet presents it in an entirely different manner. I like that a lot! can a heart truly close? I don't think so… trust can though, and it's understandable… but the desire? one could argue about that. besides, flowers will always bloom sometimes (until dead) and as Eric sang - "It can't rain all the time…"

history. yeah. yeah.

you remember when you were young a lot - and I think you can find a better way to say that… it's too… mundane here and breaks a perfectly good stride. that wouldn't be so bad earlier on in the poem, but as a closing, it chokes and renders itself an unwelcome visitor. perhaps something like "younger I /eyes as guiless, and hurt…" just a suggestion. still, even with that skip at the beginning of the stanza, this closed perfectly (ha) with a strong, vivid image that sticks in the mind and heart. the imagery of pain into palms is powerful, and gives images that suggest more than acceptance, perhaps - aggression? ah well, hoped for better days… one could end an amazing poem that way… oh, you did.

hugs l'il k - proud and awed, for the emotions, but also for the presentation. the best in some time.
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


10 posted 06-02-2002 12:29 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

There is much emotion poured out into this one and loss is never an easy thing to accept. Sad, but a good read
ShadowRider
Senior Member
since 07-14-2001
Posts 1092
USA


11 posted 06-02-2002 01:55 AM       View Profile for ShadowRider   Email ShadowRider   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ShadowRider

a slideshow of non-forgotten images
become one's past
sad that we remember too much of the pathos
and too little of the glory days

You seem to have shaded your life in a poem
revealing those critical zero-hour moments
with a shaking hand of truth.

tsr
DarkAngelChelle
Member
since 12-06-2001
Posts 90
Kansas


12 posted 06-02-2002 02:02 AM       View Profile for DarkAngelChelle   Email DarkAngelChelle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for DarkAngelChelle

The outpouring of emotion in this piece is incredible.  You express your feelings well.  They are left out in the open for the reader to take a look at, but still seem somehow locked away as very much a part of yourself.  It's like looking at something through glass.  I don't know if I explained that well, but I hope you get the gist.  If not, just know know that this is a remarkable piece.  
*hugs*

~What is cherished most is what must be the hardest fought for.~

wayoutwalt
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since 06-22-99
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TEXAS (it's all big)


13 posted 06-02-2002 02:05 AM       View Profile for wayoutwalt   Email wayoutwalt   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wayoutwalt

I love the poetry in this the realness of it and yuh the Pooh in it!!
Duncan
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since 08-07-2001
Posts 5716


14 posted 06-02-2002 02:18 AM       View Profile for Duncan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Duncan

It’s a pity the peace has died again
over something as inane as a plate.
What a shame, Dad.

I’d love to walk with you among those pine trees you planted.
Never mind.


Your thoughts make me want to talk a bit more openly that I should, relating much to them.  I like the way you write.  That simple.  Hope it (my response) says more than it seems to.




Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer where I started
Chasing after you

Lifehouse


[This message has been edited by Duncan (06-02-2002 02:22 AM).]

ThUnDeRkYsS
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since 09-23-1999
Posts 739
Wisconsin


15 posted 06-02-2002 04:05 AM       View Profile for ThUnDeRkYsS   Email ThUnDeRkYsS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ThUnDeRkYsS

I wish I, too, could walk with you through those pines after having read this work of yours Very perceptive look into you my dear, dont know what else to say other than that.  {{{{{HUGZ}}}}}

Strive for higher levels, if they seem out of reach... Grow, and they will get closer.


Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 07-17-99
Posts 8273


16 posted 06-02-2002 08:14 AM       View Profile for Severn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Severn

Thank you all...I haven't the time right now to thank you all individually - but I will come back and do so. All of your words have been wonderful..

Hugs

K
furlong
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since 04-08-2001
Posts 128


17 posted 06-02-2002 05:25 PM       View Profile for furlong   Email furlong   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for furlong

Owl!?

Vat ees dees Owl character?>>>>>>>

"Wol" eef you pleeze

grrrr

une tres bon effort ma petit tigger (or something)

JamesMichael
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since 11-16-1999
Posts 31622
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA


18 posted 06-02-2002 06:08 PM       View Profile for JamesMichael   Email JamesMichael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JamesMichael

A nice expression of your feelings...I hope the days are better...James
Corinne
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since 10-28-1999
Posts 5247
state of confusion


19 posted 06-02-2002 07:21 PM       View Profile for Corinne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Corinne

Honest and bold, Severn. You continue to grow as a writer.

Core
Marge Tindal
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20 posted 06-02-2002 07:44 PM       View Profile for Marge Tindal   Email Marge Tindal   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marge Tindal's Home Page   View IP for Marge Tindal

Kamla~

'Like quilts  - it takes years to unravel patterns
by a thread.'


Remarkable thoughts permeate the entire piece~
This one touched me most tenderly~
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
         noles1@totcon.com                    

coyote
Senior Member
since 03-17-2001
Posts 1090


21 posted 06-03-2002 12:13 AM       View Profile for coyote   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for coyote

K,
I'm still contemplating an amazing journey of emotions from the mists of memory into the here and now of this very evening.
Excellent hardly seems appropriate.
As always.

coyote
Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 03-19-2001
Posts 13647
West Coast


22 posted 06-03-2002 07:56 AM       View Profile for Dark Stranger   Email Dark Stranger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Stranger

I like to go places
they used to go
to feel what they used to feel

I don't know them as they are now


enjoyed you here ms
Nan
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since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


23 posted 06-03-2002 09:03 AM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

You've touched upon so many issues here, K... I've got to go back for several readings to get even the remotest feel of your full intent... Excellent write, as you always do, m'friend..
arthur
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since 08-14-2001
Posts 992
england


24 posted 06-03-2002 09:24 AM       View Profile for arthur   Email arthur   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for arthur

thank you
arthur
 
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