Ooh... you know something, Karilea... I really love these short, well-composed poems of yours. I think most of the poetry from you that I've enjoyed most has been the stuff you've kept cropped down to a healthy one-digit stanza count. Not that it's a chore to read your longer ones, but you always seem to add a charming simplicity to the content of your shorter pieces, with more room for the mind of the reader to expand and absorb the message. Here's how I felt about this piece as a whole.
I like the apostrophe to start out the poem. Apostrophe is a nice way to open up any poem, really, if used correctly. You used correctly. Kudos.
More on the first stanza. "Dear heart" instead of "heart" is a good method of indicating the warm, caring tone of the narration, as well as a meter-filler, of course. I also liked the second line... what a nice way to complete an apostrophe, a gently-phrased request that has positive connotations. You really wanted a serene feel, didn't you? Well, you pulled it off. "Nightly dream" suggests continuity and comfort, the narrator in a familiar and well-known situation, and again gives the speaker an apparently enhanced wisdom.
The second stanza is my favourite. "dreams are fickle, as we know." That's a very true and relatable line, I like how it was said. Especially "as we know," which levels the addresser and the addressee even more. I like how evenly kept the two parties are in your poem.
Altogether in this poem, what I liked best was your excellent establishment of the narrator's role as passive observer. Personifications and verbs that referred to influences of nature (which are too many to name). In fact, the only thing the narrator ever discusses having done is "I held you close then saw you far." Everything else, verb-wise, is done by the environment. You really brought the setting to life in this poem.
You and your talent, Sunshine. I don't know how you do it.
All images begin in mirrors and end inside our subconsious.
~Genesis P-Orridge, "Thee Reversal of Fate"
[This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (05-30-2002 08:33 PM).]