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Suetang
Member Ascendant
since 2001-03-07
Posts 5187
Melbourne, Australia

0 posted 2002-05-28 07:23 PM


Before my father's funeral, three years ago, I wrote what was to be my very first attempt at poetry which was to be put with all the death notices.My sister took it upon herself to change the words I wrote as she didn't feel they were 'correct'.I have never forgiven her for what she did and because I spoke up in my defence I was left to feel an outcast by my mother and the rest of my family and was forced to apologise to my sister. To this day I have never forgiven her and she has not read any of my poetry.

* * * * *

You send me demeaning letters
Instead of seeing me face to face
You used a poison pen
Which I felt was an utter disgrace

You've belittled me once too often
So many things you did were wrong
You regard my feelings as superfluous
Not for a minute did you think I was strong

You really have no idea
About this person I've come to be
Your selfishness is ever present
And forbids you from being able to see

You rarely see my daughter
After all she is your niece
So absorbed in your own little world
Ties with you have all but ceased

You rewrote my first piece of poetry
I wrote before we buried Dad
You couldn't understand my anger
And wondered why I was so mad

I became the black sheep of the family
Expected to grace you with an apology
But no one cared about my feelings
Overdramatic was how you all saw me

You are always quick to judge me
But why not take a look at yourself
I'm doing quite nicely thank you
And I really don't need your help

I never will be able to forgive you
For all the hurt you have caused me
But you will never break my spirit
Or read any of my poetry

* * * * *

I don't mean for this to sound like am a
nasty person because I am not but I feel
I am a lonely voice in all that has
happened and have felt no support from
my family which hurts me deeply.

Suetang

© Copyright 2002 Sue Tancheff - All Rights Reserved
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
1 posted 2002-05-28 07:28 PM


Sue, this is terribly sad.
I can only imagine how you must feel.
I do hope in time that you and your sister
can heal your differences.
Life is far too short.
This is quite an outpouring of emotion.
~Hugs, Nancy~

NewEnglandlazurlu
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-01-04
Posts 7470
A Mountain Paradise
2 posted 2002-05-28 09:26 PM


Sue, I am so sorry you had to go through such an ordeal. Here you'd lost your Dad, someone from what I've read was one of the most important people in your life, and then your sister stabs you in the back. Life sure isn't fair sometimes. I hope writing about the pain helps heal your heart. You seem like a wonderful person and I just adore your writings and your pictures.  Hugs, Marti

" My wrinkles are badges of courage and reveal that I am a Mother."

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
3 posted 2002-05-28 09:45 PM


I can only hope that one day all of you can
put this behind.  It was a trying moment for
each of you...And continues to remain as
such...

The death of your father has certainly had
a significant impact on yourself.  I see
him in your poetry very frequently...and
I admire your strength...

Yes, writing of our pain certainly does help.
Don't ever stop writing feelings...

And life is too short...

SmartChick
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-09-23
Posts 7081
On A Journey To The Unknown
4 posted 2002-05-28 09:59 PM


How ironic that we have the same kind of sister. And, we also have the same name. I have a sister just like that. We haven't hardly spoken in several years. But, I still love her. And, I know you love your sister, too. But, when they are so stuck on themselves, there just isn't much we can do. Thank you for sharing this. Gee, I thought I was the only one in the world, who had a sister like mine. And, I also understand your feelings, too. *BIG HUGS*
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
5 posted 2002-05-28 10:24 PM


I have not read the other responses, I only know that deep feelings like this take a long time to be resolved, if they ever are.   What your sister did was wrong, but what I note is, you still call her your Sister...

whatever happens, I hope someday you find peace...

hugs, K

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
6 posted 2002-05-28 10:49 PM


Dear Sue
This is such a sad situation, I feel she is the one who needs to apologise to you but it's probably way too late for that now. No one has the right to change what anyone has written as it is your thoughts and feelings penned not theirs, poetry is a devine gift and it is a way for those who can to express how they are feeling in a way they praps couldn't otherwise do. I'm sorry for what you have gone through and I hope that one day your sister realises what she has done and apologises to you
~HUGS~ sweetie

Tracie

Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe



Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
7 posted 2002-05-28 10:54 PM




(big hugggssssss) Oh Sue, this is so very sad, sweet friend, my heart cries out to you for no one should ever feel left out in the family! (sigh) I understand what you feel here, sweet friend, I think you are never a selfish person at all, you have true feelings and she should be the one who is ashamed of herself! (sigh) My heart cries out to you, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Sue, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

rwood
Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793
Tennessee
8 posted 2002-05-28 11:32 PM


Sigh~ we make huge mistakes sometimes. Huge. Enormous. I know you probably would like to see her in her best and most sincere behavior suit and have her utter the words "Forgive me..I was wrong..I'm so sorry"..but we both know..there is a better chance that she would show up in jousting armor on a big dragon. Thing is..she was insecure..already..that will always be her way..I know..I have one of those dragons. And my lance..it gets shoved in my own heart sometimes. Being the big sis and being over responsible and over protective..makes my armor really heavy sometimes.. But I sure do love the heck out of them. And would fight to my death for them too..

Gosh I wrote a story..guess I felt guilty huh!
Love and hugs.
Reg

Trillium
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-09
Posts 12098
Idaho, USA
9 posted 2002-05-29 12:03 PM


Sue:  Your poem and note struck such a responsive chord in me.  I won't go into the details, but I have a similar situation so I readily understand how you feel and how much it hurts. I am trying to put it all behind me and think I'm succeeding so hope you can too.

Betty Lou Hebert

Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
10 posted 2002-05-29 12:19 PM


Dear Sue,  Your poem made a deep impression on me.  First of course because you are talented in expressing your emotions.  Secondly I am so sorry for the rift in your family.  The only thing I can say is this.  I would make the first move.  No mattter whose fault it is, everyone is being hurt.   I have lost so many of my family to death.  I am so glad that none of them died being angry with me.  Love to you.  Joyce
Bridget Shenachie
Senior Member
since 2002-01-23
Posts 1056
Kansas USA
11 posted 2002-05-30 02:06 AM


Sue--I recently wrote something along these lines and posted it in the Workshop.  I'm attaching it here:

The Shock of Insensitivity

Have you ever had anyone tell you how to feel?
That’s a whole different deck of cards;
Time to shuffle and redeal;
Or leave with no regards.

Some people just don’t know that you feel what you feel;
That feelings are neither right or wrong;
They’re simply current and real,
An emotional ping-pong.

There are those who intrude and pontificate,
Presume to know your heart better than yourself,
Unaware that they may violate
Your soul and spiritual pelf.

Some just cannot allow you your feelings,
Offering the uninvited, insensitive platitudes,
And watch the display of your emotional reelings,
Then, wonder at your ingratitude!

I have a message for those with the proclivity
To wield the wire brush and intrusive currycomb.
“If you don’t learn some sensitivity,
Then, stay the hell at home.”

Shenachie

20 May 2002

P.S.  “Pelf” is an archaic word for riches or wealth.
P.P.S.  The truth is--this insensitivity wouldn't bother us if we didn't care about these people.  So I pray to be willing to forgive when I have difficulty forgiving.  When you forgive people, it does not absolve them from responsibility for what they have done.  It does not excuse them.  It simply frees you from being affected in a harmful way.

My, didn't I get carried away!  Time to kick the soapbox out from under me!

Love you--
Shenachie

[This message has been edited by Bridget Shenachie (05-30-2002 02:16 AM).]

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
12 posted 2002-05-30 06:23 AM


Oh, those family situations are definitely heart treacherous. I know what you mean because I have a half brother that I haven't spoken to for approx four years!
But hey! This is one of the true pleasures of poetic language....one can vent with passion and style and it always helps to relieve the pressure.
I enjoyed the read!

jamesjiao
Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 268
Backwaters of Avalon
13 posted 2002-05-30 06:56 AM


This is really sad, Sue. I hope everything is ok for you now. Just an out-of-context question, are you the first-born or a later born (or the last born) in your family?

regards

- James
The beauty of nature is displayed,
not through itself,
but through the creatures
dwelling within its bosom.



Muys
Member
since 2002-04-06
Posts 389
The Netherlands
14 posted 2002-05-30 07:13 AM


Dear Sue
So sad it is
Always I said
Forgiving is the Key
To Harmony and Peace.
I hope you can do that
Hug Muys

[This message has been edited by Muys (05-30-2002 07:15 AM).]

Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
15 posted 2002-05-31 08:59 AM


I know this has been hard on you.  I also know that it will be harder to forgive your sister ... yet that is what you, a good person, must do.  It won't change much of anything for others, but you will feel immensely better and NOBODY can ever fault you for that!
I always enjoy reading your work

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

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