»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #20
»
smoking light shadow (no rhymes here, C!)
| Open Poetry #20 |
|
smoking light shadow (no rhymes here, C!) |
|
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
|
I sit in still darkness smoking light shadow into the room in fear my silence will draw him near to ask me "what is wrong?" I sit in still darkness smoking light shadow just the way my daddy did his silence compelled a spy in me-- a child in wonder: "what is wrong?" I sit in still darkness smoking light shadow visions in the curls, uncurling hauntings from the past. Voices in my head that nag: "what is wrong?" |
||
| © Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
Sat in that room a few times. I'm a great lover of silence...never quite get it when someone thinks it means something's wrong. Loved this one, K. (Rhyming's for the weak minded...just kidding!!) |
||
Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Karen, It wouldn't work if it rhymed! This is good.  |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
see - proof that rhyme is evil. this is a shining example of free verse. yay - hugs midi-k |
||
|
tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
WOW!!! sweet seren this is incredible, a most fantastic write and one that was very much enjoyed..thanks for sharing ~HUGS~ Tracie Love is the life of the soul... |
||
|
ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Nothing's wrong with your writing I'll tell you that much! "I sit in still darkness smoking light shadow" Don't know why but I can picture relate to that....Good work Celeste.....you know I can't pass without calling you that. I'm afraid our little politically incorrect friend might come back to haunt us if I don't...that wouldn't be anything to contemplate in the "smoking light shadow"!! |
||
|
Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
serene...I like it fits the image of you and the mood |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Great imagery, Serene one... I saw a play in words that I am sure are only light shadows created by smoke... |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Down with rhyme! Down with rhyme! Heh...(Hypocrite that I am, having just responded to Sy's 'What's to say' which everyone should read...) Hey girl - you're good yanno?  K |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
No rhyme divine from me twin of ryhme sublime?????? *covering my eyes* no I wont look...you cant make me!! * running from thread looking for vials of rhyme water* (lol) "I sit in still darkness smoking light shadow visions in the curls, uncurling hauntings from the past."   I remembering being one and the same ... |
||
|
Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
serenity To me you are one of my delights.  |
||
vandana
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463USA |
nice |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Okay...I am seeing here, how there can be meter and pattern even in free verse... Thanks all for the encouragement while I stretch me wings a bit! (still studying, types the drudge) love you all! to FORUM |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
quote:but of course - it isn't all chaos |
||
|
JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Like this...James |
||
|
Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
As far as I can see absolutely nothing is wrong. What you've written is just fine ... right ... wonderful Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
