Mental Kodak Moments

In memory of my beloved first husband who died on May 22, 1999....three years ago today
    

Without you, I thought I could no longer be
the moments of that awful time, blur in my brain
but life goes on
moments flow into each other
becoming days which pass in a twinkling
even as we wish them static

time has dulled my pain
but I still feel broken by the loss of you
memories...as if captured on camera
still live on, as a part of me
mental Kodak moments
framed in tears

now that I am once again in love
the ache is easier to bear
but you are always there
sailing near the shores of my conciousness
anchored deeply into my soul
whispering winds of encouragement
I still feel your strength
your caring

you remain in the depths of my being
tethered to my deepest thoughts
still loving me
haunting my dreams
from wherever you are

I watch you on videoptape
and memories laced with heartbreak
wrap themselves around my soul

seeing your face, your manner, your walk
hearing your voice and your laugh
I see you rolling on the floor
with our grandaughters
playing lovingly with them
eating the plastic food
they cooked just for their papa
on their toy stove

I feel your warmth still holding me
and your love for your family shining from you

and then I remember
exactly why
I fell in love with you

[This message has been edited by Madame Chipmunk (05-22-2002 10:36 PM).]

Thanks so much, Karilea...You are absolutely right about that...and the amazing thing is that I can love them both at the same time.

Sometimes we forget how much we love someone until we see them again, as I saw my first husband on the videotapes.

He used to edit the videos he took of the kids and grandkids and make them into whole little movies.  He had titles and even credits at the end.
The earlier ones, of our kids when they were little, are silent...because they were transferred from a movie camera...but the later ones have everyone's voices on them...and he had even put music on them.

They are a wonderful gift which he left me.

I also have a lot of videos of him as a Kalamazoo city commissioner....those too, are priceless.

~ memory hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Thanks so much, Nancy...Yes I have been very lucky indeed!
And I can love both of them at the same time now....
Luckily, David is very understanding of this.

~lucky hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Oh, this is priceless, very priceless! And, the most beautiful write I think I have ever read. Best wishes to you always. He is smiling down upon you!

Sauni:)The Only Time I See The Sun Is When I'm Within That Vanilla Breeze.The Only Time I'm One With The Sun Is When He Shelters Me From The Rain. L.S

Thank you so much, Sue...I wish that I had had more time today to read and reply to more of everyone's poems....I posted 2 of my own, but I don't think I replied to many more than that...I feel selfish...but this has just been one of those days....
Tomorrow, I will make up for it.

~ saddened hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Thank you so much, Martie...he was a very tender and loving person.
He died much too young, but as I look back at his life, I can see that he accomplished almost everything he ever wanted to do except to retire on his boat and do a lot of sailing.
He seemed to live life at a very fast pace...he was one of those people who just never stopped going and didn't need much sleep.  It was almost as if he was driven to do it all before he died because something inside of him made him realize that he wasn't going to get very old, and that he had less time than most people.

~ hugs with memories

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Thanks so much, Noah...You are right...and I love them both at the same time...
Something I never thought was possible...
but in my circumstance, it is.
~ big teary hugs

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks