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Open Poetry #20
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kaile
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since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146
singapore

0 posted 2002-05-22 02:20 PM


I'm not
the plastic bag
you take out
to throw away
licked bones

I'm not
the balloon
you let go of
in glee,
after your hands
get tired of
holding on to me

I'm not
your teddy bear
that you chuck aside
once you grow up
and play with the "sophisticated"

I saw you in the mirror
It wasn't pretty

Take advantage of my geniality
and you'll turn me
into a cringing mimosa
or a raging bulldog

Please, don't



© Copyright 2002 heng kaile - All Rights Reserved
Sven
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since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
1 posted 2002-05-22 04:18 PM


"a cringing mimosa"

I like that line. . . and I like the way that you've used these words to show the finding of it all. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
2 posted 2002-05-22 05:36 PM


feeling a little discarded faterider?
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown



JamesMichael
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since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
3 posted 2002-05-22 06:27 PM


Like this...James
Mistletoe Angel
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since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
4 posted 2002-05-22 08:56 PM




(big hugggsssssss) Oh Heng, I too hope this never happens to you, sweet friend, no one should ever be taken advantage of in any kind of love! (sigh) This is well-said, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Heng, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
5 posted 2002-05-22 09:03 PM


I don't know who this was directed towards but I can't see how they couldn't get the message. I wouldn't want to trap one of these "a cringing mimosa" I don't think it would be pleasant. Some very nice descriptions by example in this piece!
kaile
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singapore
6 posted 2002-05-22 11:59 PM


thanks John, i'm happy about the cringing mimosa too..

Kethry, discarded, no..exploited, yes..i felt that trying to be nice wasn't worth it

thanks James

Noah, this did happen to me but as a favourite saying goes, "what doesn't kill you only makes you stonger"...i live by that saying..

Eric, this was directed towards the kids i tutored but i don't think i am going to show it to them...live and let live... thank you, i'm trying to work on imagery..someday, i'll improve..heehee

thanks all for reading


VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
7 posted 2002-05-26 12:40 PM


ooooh, ooooh, oooh!  Fantastically done, faterider!  You did it, no need to get into the adult genre to remember the importance of a 'real' being, not something disposable, consumable. Excellent!

I wanna try one! I hope it won't look like I was unduly influenced by yours to make others think I'm a copier...plagiarist...I hate trying that word.  I'm such a good speller, but that words eludes me big time!

Whether on the shoal or on the shore,
I'll seek the lighthouse evermore.

Midnitesun
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Gaia
8 posted 2002-05-27 12:04 PM


Bravo! Hugs to the cringing mimosa. What an image! I agree, leave it here, don't show it to those ungrateful little wretches! Just kidding of course, maybe show and tell time. but next year would be soon enough. Let them mature a bit, and go have some fun. You've earned a vacation.
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
9 posted 2002-05-27 03:07 AM


especially well done - this can cover many areas of inter-personal relationships. very nice indeed.

Chris

kaile
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singapore
10 posted 2002-05-27 06:59 AM


VAS, thanks for the visit on my thread...thanks for the triple "oohs".anyway, will be waiting for your write...i will be away from passions in Jun, so leave me a note or a link on this thread so that i won't miss your poem...thanks muchly...

Kacy, thanks for the hugs to the mimosa in me.. oh yes, i will be going for a 3-week vacation in June..time for me to grow up a little(but i'll still have the fun)..

thanks Chris for reading...i'm glad your mind wandered off in so many directions..i only thought about writing about sadly-neglected moi...heehee

thanks all..

[This message has been edited by faterider (05-27-2002 01:37 PM).]

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

11 posted 2002-06-01 10:37 AM


Heavy fr..heavy...if it wasn't 2.30am I'd crit this for you...if I have time soon, and I remember I'll do so...

Suffice to say - the honesty, and the feeling, I like - and can relate to..

good job you..

K

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
12 posted 2002-06-05 03:34 PM


I wonder why people use other people, when we're all we've got, especially love....nice piece here FR
ParisGrl
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 610

13 posted 2002-06-05 05:04 PM


FateRider,

I am sorry that you feel that way.....very nice descriptions in your poem.

~Laura~

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
14 posted 2002-06-22 11:22 PM


hmm...just chking in after a bit of a 'vacation' from pip...lol  found this one..

'tis a very interesting write my friend...nicely done..

i must say though..the thought patterns of so many different human minds is strange; in that conversation with eagleone, 'discovering flesh' was so very different than this!  lol  

all the same..much enjoyed..glad to have stumbled upon this

hugs, g

~dgvarner/fallen rain~

"life is what happens while we're making other plans..."  ;)

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