First Poem, ever, Jelousy.......

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MilchstrabeStern
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 23

0 posted 2002-05-19 03:12 AM

I never write, some of my friends that are girls do, but i never do. This is the first time i write, the emotion just took over my body in such a way i needed to transfer it on paper, I realize im no poet, and am no good, but its a way for me to release my feelings.

Jelousy

Jeleousy is the setting sun
Jeleousy is the rissing moon
The moon now can shine
But will be discarded soon

Submerged and hiddin it lives deep within
Friends apear to be enemies
Terror fills your veins, like a abhored sin
Hatred and depression take over

Confused and in remorse
You look for an ansewer, who do you trust
It flows from your heart outward, gaining power
Your disarmed by its desieving smile

Twisting through your brain
It begins to plan its ambush
Slowly weakening, the severity enhances
Its time, the jelousy slowly advances

Stabbing pain from your finger tips
Steadily creeps up your arms
It follows its course to your lips
Fury builds, tension bares down

Love turns to hate
Hate turns to fury
Its much to late
You cant run, not from this monster

The friends you love arent so clear
You wonder why things are this way
Soon you realize, the end is near
Why couldnt you be like them...
Accepted and apreciated

It throws you on the floor
Smacks you around till you realize
That you dont matter, you dont belong
Jelousy decieves you, tells you your wrong

Jelousy isnt amusing
Jeleousy is Uncontrollable
Jelousy is abusing
Jelousy is leashless, a snearing dog

Thrown around, beat down
You pull through
only to be smacked down, again
You pull through
Your mind cant control it
Your hands cant control it
A gun cant...control it

What do you do
Jeleousy has taken over you
Your weak, your determined, your screwed
Its time, time for jelousy, to conclude

Lifeless and pale on the floor
Another victim to its dreaded power
You wait outside the golden door
Above you awaits a skyward tower
The tower of fate, the tower of hate
You have been scammed, and now damned..

Jeleousy lives on.....

-Bryan-

IKNAP
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 47
Torrington, Connecticut

1 posted 2002-05-19 03:17 AM

you said you dont write you could have fooled me!

MilchstrabeStern
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 23

2 posted 2002-05-19 03:21 AM

I don't, that was my first ever poem, the feeling was just so awful i needed it to be let go, it didnt go away so i added more to the poem.

IKNAP
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 47
Torrington, Connecticut

3 posted 2002-05-19 03:25 AM

wow im a first time too.. but mine was not like that!! tell me what you thought plaese!!

MilchstrabeStern
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 23

4 posted 2002-05-19 03:28 AM

Thought of what?

IKNAP
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 47
Torrington, Connecticut

5 posted 2002-05-19 03:33 AM

my first post, long last love,

MilchstrabeStern
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 23

6 posted 2002-05-19 03:36 AM

Yah its ok, I know that feeling you described...I cant judge poetry dont take my word :-D Was that ur first poem or just ur first post? this is my first poem in my life.

MilchstrabeStern
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 23

7 posted 2002-05-19 04:12 AM

Er by the way, i havnt got rid of the feeling yet, I'm sure In Truitina and Fortuna Imperatex Mundi arent helping....I just need to talk to her, guess I'll have to wait. Anyone have Aim?

IKNAP
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 47
Torrington, Connecticut

8 posted 2002-05-19 04:17 AM

i have aim my screen name is bebriggy

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

9 posted 2002-05-19 06:25 AM

A good expression of your feelings...James

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

10 posted 2002-05-19 07:56 AM

Welcome to Passions! Please look around, get acquainted, and if you have any questions, a moderator or two are always around to provide answers! Check your E-mail for a Special Greeting!

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

11 posted 2002-05-19 08:40 AM

Welcome to the family! Every poet has a first poem and it's usually something raw and from the heart. I hope you continue to write - this has a lot of merit! And as you grow as a poet, you'll learn a lot. Again, welcome to PiP.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

12 posted 2002-05-19 12:02 PM

WELCOME TO PASSIONS!

Please make yourself at home.
I shall look for further posts from you.
~Hugs, Nancy~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

13 posted 2002-05-19 01:37 PM

BRAVO!!! Wow, this is wonderful, sweet friend, I love it, this is an absolutely striking first post, you are a very fine and talented poet and you prove it in these explosive words! This is intensifying! (big hugggsssssss) I LOVE IT!!! Welcome to Passions, sweet Bryan, may you be inspired by all of us here as we will all be inspired by your lovely words! (sigh) I can't wait to read more of your lovely words, sweet friend, we all love yolu so much! You have such a beautiful heart, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

MilchstrabeStern
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 23

14 posted 2002-05-19 02:29 PM

Thanks...i guess? lol

Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

15 posted 2002-05-19 03:43 PM

Every one of us had a first poem....My first
was somewhat like your own....with time,
just as I experienced....you will learn more
of the art...for you certainly have the
feelings to go into the poetry...

Welcome to Passions..

bsquirrel

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-01-03

Posts 7855

16 posted 2002-05-19 04:26 PM

You got yr blood into the words, which is a great way to start writing. Welcome ... let the strangeness begin.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

Tiersdin
Member Elite

since 2000-11-17

Posts 2364
east coast

17 posted 2002-05-19 04:37 PM

Decent first poem! Welcome to Passions!

*smiles*
~Tier

"I shall never bond again, as I have bonded with you..."

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

18 posted 2002-05-19 04:41 PM

Welcome to Passions circle of poets and friends~

Each of us began with a 'first' ... you did just fine~
There will be more ... just let the thoughts flow to the page as you did with this one~
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Corinne
Member Ascendant

since 1999-10-28

Posts 5167
state of confusion

19 posted 2002-05-19 05:38 PM

Hi MilchstrabeStern,

You've got a good start here. One thing, though, it's best to check your spelling first. Put your poem into Microsoft Word or some other writing tool, and use spell check.

That way, your poem won't be fraught will errors.

It's spelled jealousy.

Good luck!

Cor

MilchstrabeStern
Junior Member

since 2002-05-19

Posts 23

20 posted 2002-05-19 06:14 PM

Yes i noticed hehe, along with a few other mistakes.

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