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Passions in Poetry

Dreams of a Goddess - serenity's dream challenge

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Sven
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25 posted 05-13-2002 03:13 PM       View Profile for Sven   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Sven

when dreams go unfinished, lives are just a little bit emptier. . .

you don't mind if I hang on to this one do you??  it's a great study for my problems with meter. . . thanks. . .

-------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Balladeer
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26 posted 05-13-2002 06:30 PM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

Tulips that grow
Two lips that go
Instead of asking other lips to stay.
Flowers will die
Like you and I...
Who came up with "the merry month of May"?

You were together 6 years? That's a successful marriage in my book!
SmartChick
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since 09-23-2001
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On A Journey To The Unknown


27 posted 05-13-2002 06:36 PM       View Profile for SmartChick   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit SmartChick's Home Page   View IP for SmartChick

This is beautiful, Ron. Looks to me like you met Serenitys challenge very well. You are a wonderful poet.
Kethry
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28 posted 05-13-2002 06:39 PM       View Profile for Kethry   Email Kethry   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Kethry


Keth

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind.  Unknown


Auguste
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By the sea


29 posted 05-13-2002 11:01 PM       View Profile for Auguste   Email Auguste   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Auguste's Home Page   View IP for Auguste

"Yet not a night has passed since then
or so I guess it always seems,
but what my goddess comes again
to share her kisses in my dreams.

Her phantom lips touch mine each night,
my hands reach for an empty space,
and when I wake, tears blur my sight
of love once found and not replaced"

Ron, such good writing here.  I have to say, I'm very impressed. Nicely done and can't wait to see some more of your work.

Michael
hoot_owl_rn
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30 posted 05-14-2002 09:07 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Simply amazing and what we all are striving to accomplish here on these pages you have created...perfection!! You write far too little my poet friend, far too little of these works here on the blue pages to enjoy and learn from
Dark Stranger
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31 posted 05-14-2002 09:11 AM       View Profile for Dark Stranger   Email Dark Stranger   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Stranger

a pleasure to read your art Ron
enjoyed it much
Seymour Tabin
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32 posted 05-14-2002 11:05 AM       View Profile for Seymour Tabin   Email Seymour Tabin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Seymour Tabin

Ron,
Better late than never, well done. Enjoyed
Magnus
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33 posted 05-14-2002 03:42 PM       View Profile for Magnus   Email Magnus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Magnus

Lacks talent?   Sheeesh....Ron,  you need to
read your poem again....  This is certainly
one that I shall never forget as a true work
of art...

Thank you for sharing it with us....
suthern
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on the threshold of a dream


34 posted 05-15-2002 10:37 AM       View Profile for suthern   Email suthern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for suthern

Ron, if you lack talent, the rest of us should toss our pens into the nearest gutter. *S*

This is beautiful... for a time, at least, you had something worth remembering... that's more than many ever attain. *S*
Christopher
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Purgatorial Incarceration


35 posted 05-15-2002 01:31 PM       View Profile for Christopher   Email Christopher   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Christopher

ron - do you ever write free verse?

i would like to see something in this vein freed like that. i really liked the feel of this poem.
Justbleu
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36 posted 05-15-2002 01:46 PM       View Profile for Justbleu   Email Justbleu   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Justbleu's Home Page   View IP for Justbleu

Very beautiful Ron....I'm glad Serenity begged you!!!!  This is wonderful!!!!!  And yet brings a tear to my eye....

Bridgette  


"Somewhere, somehow, it should be possible to touch someone and never let go again.  To hold someone, not for a moment but forever." Unknown

[This message has been edited by Justbleu (05-15-2002 01:46 PM).]

Ron
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37 posted 05-15-2002 02:07 PM       View Profile for Ron   Email Ron   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Ron's Home Page   View IP for Ron

Sven, this is a rather poor example of meter. As I said in this thread, I think there are good reasons to break cadence at specific times, but this poem has several such breaks that serve no creative purpose.

My past is now just memory,
of perfect days I bade farewell,
of a goddess who once loved me
when stepped she from her pedestal.

Hear the break in cadence? Feel how the tongue sort of gets stuck around the words I bolded? The broken meter doesn't draw attention where I want it, doesn't provide a "rest" for the ear, but rather is just sloppy. There are a few places like this one, places that should eventually be fixed.

Balladeer, I also considered it a successful marriage. Very successful. It was the divorce that was an abysmal failure.

Thanks to all else who enjoyed this one.

Chris, I guess my answer depends on your definition of free verse. I write a LOT of what most would call free verse, but usually with more structure than true free verse. I agree, though, that this poem, because it lacks a single focus, would probably be better handled with a little less structure.
serenity blaze
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38 posted 07-04-2003 09:24 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Sometimes breaks serve more creative purpose than we realize.

I understand this one so much better now.

Thanks again, Ron.
Sunshine
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Listening to every heart


39 posted 01-21-2004 05:04 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

quote:
Thanks, my friends, for all the kind words. Lacking the talent of some of our more prolific writers, I usually spend longer than one day on a poem and this one probably deserves more of my effort. Someday, I'll try to finish it.

Possibly next May?


Sharpen your pencil, m'friend.  May is coming again.
Susan Caldwell
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since 12-27-2002
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Florida


40 posted 12-01-2004 09:12 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

Remember this one Karen?

serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
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41 posted 12-01-2004 05:38 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Sure I do. But I just KNOW he's got a new one. I wanna read the new one...

whining

*pout*<--not that I think that'll work, but it's just another weapon in my persuasion arcenal.
Drauntz
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Los Angeles California


42 posted 06-18-2007 01:58 PM       View Profile for Drauntz   Email Drauntz   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Drauntz

a such a lovely dream made each sleep all the worth.

enjoyed
TomMark
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since 07-27-2007
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LA,CA


43 posted 12-05-2007 12:02 AM       View Profile for TomMark   Email TomMark   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for TomMark

It is enough for a life to love completely once.  
Tom
 
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