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Passions in Poetry

Siren song

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bsquirrel
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


0 posted 05-12-2002 05:46 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for bsquirrel

We met upon the shore.
The sand as white as her hands,
suffering demands.

The sadness in her eyes.
The way she wore her windy hair --
the sun would reflect the sky.

She said fall into me.
Let my shadow cover yours.
We won't have to feel undone in the tide.
Just cover me.
Let the ocean take you home.
And take me with you in your drowning arms.

She took my mouth away
and placed it in the ancient hold
of her ocean floor.

I tasted the sea.
I fell into her darkness then
and never re-emerged to crash on home.

She said please die with me.
Let me hold you as you go.
I don't know what to do without your breath.
Please follow me.
I need your emptiness fulfilled.
I burn to have the will to love.

We met upon the shore.
Oh, we met against the rising tide.
To defeat the reason of our swell.

She sang please shelter me.
Keep your hands upon the storm
and deflect rain into the seawall.
Please comfort me.
I don't know how to stay warm.
I need your open arms to take me down.

And we drowned.
The dark fell in waves all around.
And we drowned.
We spun out dark among the clouds.

They loved our sunset.
They loved our colors then.


She said burn ... together.
-TON

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (05-12-2002 05:47 PM).]

© Copyright 2002 MPC - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


1 posted 05-12-2002 05:54 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine


Ok, ok...just get better and better why don'tcha....
Macha
Junior Member
since 05-12-2002
Posts 14


2 posted 05-12-2002 07:19 PM       View Profile for Macha   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Macha

"I tasted the sea."

This line is an excellent inclusion in your poem.  It brings the feeling of drowning closer to home, the "taste" and consistency of seawater filling a victim's mouth.

This poem has a calm sound to me, despite the description of what can be a traumatic and violent death.  You named this well, and brought to light the darker shades that run beneath the siren's song.
Marsha
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Member Rara Avis
since 07-10-2000
Posts 7542
Maidstone Kent England


3 posted 05-12-2002 07:24 PM       View Profile for Marsha   Email Marsha   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Marsha's Home Page   View IP for Marsha

Bsquirrel darling boy this is sooooooooo incredible The depth of this is utterly amazing, I’m awe-struck by this wonderful piece. You know I love this don’t you. I can taste the sea in this, I can smell the ozone in the air, even hear an echo of the siren’s song.

Utterly utterly perfect poetry, you never cease to amaze me with your skill

Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

     

To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79

bsquirrel
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4 posted 05-12-2002 07:36 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Ah was in a bit of a gothic mood when I penned this drowned dream. Glad you all didn't mind gettin' wet with me.
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


5 posted 05-12-2002 08:54 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

We met upon the shore.
The sand as white as her hands,
suffering demands.


The sadness in her eyes.
The way she wore her windy hair --
the sun would reflect the sky.

She said fall into me.
Let my shadow cover yours.
We won't have to feel undone in the tide.

Just cover me.
Let the ocean take you home.
And take me with you in your drowning arms.

She took my mouth away
and placed it in the ancient hold
of her ocean floor.

=====================================


you are too cool for school..where does this kind of inspire come from?!!?
the uniqueness of your imagery, analogy and phrasing is what always makes an impression...and of course the way you wrap the emotions around the reader.
another very cool write Mike...must be nice to have such a productive muse
Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 12-05-2001
Posts 8552
Michigan


6 posted 05-12-2002 10:02 PM       View Profile for Madame Chipmunk   Email Madame Chipmunk   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Madame Chipmunk's Home Page   View IP for Madame Chipmunk

Beautifully creative, Mr.Squirrel

I don't know what to do without your breath.
Please follow me.
I need your emptiness fulfilled.

I guess this proves that rodents can be really good poets!

~scampering hugs from a chipmunk

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

BluesSerenade
Member Rara Avis
since 10-23-2001
Posts 9867
By the Seaside


7 posted 05-12-2002 10:12 PM       View Profile for BluesSerenade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BluesSerenade

Loved the last two lines and how you were swept away by the sea!  Your poetry is such a pleasure Encino man~  
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


8 posted 05-13-2002 12:32 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Janet, yesterday it came from listening to too much goth music.   Nah, that's only partly it. The music put me in a place where I started thinking about siren songs, about those tragic female figures that lured sailors to their deaths. I wondered what words someone could say that would draw someone to drown like that. I think I found 'em.

Chipmunk, yay, rodent poets!

Lori, glad y' enjoyed.

She said burn ... together.
-TON

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (05-13-2002 12:38 PM).]

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 10-13-2000
Posts 2347


9 posted 08-28-2002 02:46 PM       View Profile for jellybeans   Email jellybeans   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jellybeans

wow, now this is a 'saver'......incredible write.....am glad you directed me to it
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


10 posted 08-28-2002 02:57 PM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

Thanks for reading it, jellybeans.

Mike
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


11 posted 12-31-2002 02:17 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

I"m wet too
bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 01-03-2000
Posts 8382


12 posted 01-01-2003 02:22 AM       View Profile for bsquirrel   Email bsquirrel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for bsquirrel

*splash splash*
 
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