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Open Poetry #20
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Duncan
Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455


0 posted 2002-05-09 12:20 PM




Life slows
to the counting of days
passing of hours
attention to detail lessens
immersion in the mix
of wasteland
distracts
from the passing of hours
more slowly
than I’d like

finding myself
desperately close to
feeling the loss
of you

I walk outside
somehow expecting the air
to stir
but all is nearing stillness
every voice inside my head
screams to run

(JM, I think your muse channeled this one through me.  Not sure I like her, she’s kinda bossy.)



[This message has been edited by Duncan (05-09-2002 02:02 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 Duncan - All Rights Reserved
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

1 posted 2002-05-09 12:36 PM


oh my. This does seem to be going around. yep...feet of lead here too. sighs across the miles atchoo...oh, and a kiss nite nite too.

I'm bone weary! <--that sounds better than I actually intended!

dream sweet. I'm gonna go to couch...

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

2 posted 2002-05-09 09:11 AM


finding myself
desperately close to
feeling the loss
of you


I walk outside
somehow expecting the air
to stir
but all is nearing stillness
every voice inside my head
screams to run

=============================

I know these feelings all too well D...and the "stirrings" are inside ... till we write the words and let them breathe and scream if they need too...either way...they must be released.

as for me moody muse being bossy?
she prefers to call it "mothy persuasion"
she thinks its part of her charm
hey...at least she didnt MAKE you rhyme

When your own emptiness is all thats getting through
There comes a point when youre not sure why youre still talking...
I passed that point long ago

Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
3 posted 2002-05-09 09:51 AM


Duncan darling boy this is wonderful. This is a very special piece from you darling boy, incredible writing full of such aching and loneliness. I love it, It’s wonderful to see you work darling heart absolutely wonderful. I love it utterly utterly love it


Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy

  

To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79


Elan
Member
since 2002-05-03
Posts 382
State of Wide Eye
4 posted 2002-05-09 09:53 AM



JM's muse
looks good on you...
be kind...
she can be moody blues

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
5 posted 2002-05-09 08:24 PM




(sigh) I too am happy you shared this with us all, sweet friend, these feelings are very natural and I hope now you have gained stillness of heart and hope now fills you everyday! (big hugggssssss) This is striking, sweet friend, we all love you so much! you have such a beautiful heart, sweet Duncan, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
6 posted 2002-05-09 08:54 PM


OK, Duncan, I don't want to pour salt on your you-know-what. But JM's muse isn't the problem. CUPID is the proverbial trouble maker....always has been, always will be. But I'll send you a warm sisterly heart hug anyway, because I know you are hurting, and you are my friend.
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
7 posted 2002-05-09 08:57 PM


Duncan, just wanted you to know I'm thinking about ya!
~Hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

8 posted 2002-05-09 09:36 PM


I could feel the sting, and the eventual hope.
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
9 posted 2002-05-09 09:52 PM


The fear of pain is sometimes worse than the real deal...
There are times when the only answer to the restless heart is to give in to it.
Peacefulness to you. ThisDiamond

ctowen
Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286
Green Mountains of VT
10 posted 2002-05-09 10:10 PM


Very stirring ... could hear echoes of Time's footsteps screaming inside my head feeding on such heart's ache.
Somewhere  ... when the winds of time pick up speed .... you will want to remember this  loss, and you will.

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

11 posted 2002-05-10 01:06 AM


Nice writing you got there Duncan...very nice indeed..

K

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
12 posted 2002-05-10 08:03 PM


Duncan - great write. Peace walk with you...

BC

Madame Chipmunk
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296
Michigan
13 posted 2002-05-10 09:05 PM


Life slows
to the counting of days
passing of hours
attention to detail lessens
immersion in the mix
of wasteland
distracts
from the passing of hours
more slowly
than I’d like

I know this feeling quite well, Duncan...this is what it feels like to be diagnosed with cancer, although I'm sure that you didn't mean it in this context.
Nevertheless, it is a beautiful poem and I hope the feeling goes away soon.
~lots of hugggsss

Lyra

copyright2002 Lyra Nesius

"poetry is life distilled"  Gwendolyn Brooks

Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration
14 posted 2002-05-11 02:11 AM


finding myself
desperately close to
feeling the loss
of you



been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, then wore it while working on the car. honestly duncan, this was the strongest portion of the poem... and should probably be last... just a thought. another one i float right along with.

Chris

[This message has been edited by Christopher (05-11-2002 02:11 AM).]

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
15 posted 2002-05-11 02:29 AM


And...I own that T-shirt shop (used shirts that is).  This was an awesome bit of writing and I tend to agree with Christopher, that these lines would really have more impact as the last lines.  I read it out loud both ways, just my opinion but what do I know, I loved it!

We should spend less time worrying about when our life is going to end and more on when it's going to start!

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