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Passions in Poetry

Rhymed Compromise

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Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


50 posted 05-31-2002 08:09 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Allan--- hey you...look who's back and hungry for poetry
( or a glutton for punishment) LOL ....

Well, first of all thank you so much for taking the time to come and give this such an in depth read and reply...As I told you back when I invited you and anyone else who wanted to come on my work and give "hard critique" -- I believe we as poets must be able to see our work thru others eyes to be able to grow...and I believe we also need to be able to take constructive criticism as well. And that's not always easy...but something we must learn. We get spoiled here at Passions with all the praise and encouragement...and that too helps us grow and find new inspiration...but when our work is offered up for grade or publishing in the "real world" its not all about praise and compliments...we have to be able to handle our weaknesses being pointed out... Anyway....to your reply and suggestions....I am going to print them out so I can lay them and the poem side by side and go thru it more in depth and see your suggestions and comment next to the verse you are discussing.
To answer some of your questions...as far as the italics...on AOL they look "wavy" and  are hard on the eyes...I didnt like the presentation...so opted for the bold.
This was a purge poem and something I needed to write...also the first thing I had written in months and when I write these kinds of emotional (over emotional perhaps) poems, ...I often make the decision to let them write themselves...let it go where it needs to....I know this went on long and could have been cut back, but decided to let it stand on its own as a purge. When I sat down to write it...I actually didnt intend for it to rhyme...that became the purge and struggle with my muse..I only had the idea and inspire to write a dialogue with my muse.
The rhyme took over...or my muse did..how ever you want to look at it.

As to the rhyme issue, I have to disagree...I dont think this would have worked at all as a "free verse ramble" .... I feel it would have lost its impact---the rhyme ended up being the heart of the poem and the thing that makes it "different" thats why I layed the rhyme on so heavy and added in the internal rhymes as well ... if I didn't pull that off that's my issue to rewrite...but the theme of the poem is about me and my muse struggling with writers block and my more recent exploration of writing without rhyme...(which is the only way I've written since a child and at times have "needed rhyme" as a comfort zone)
but in the last year or so I have been more comfortable with free verse and have even began feeling restricted by the rhyme....the very few posts I had before this...were free verse as were several I have wrote that have never been posted...
I dont know if this inner struggle with rhyme will make sense to anyone but me...but that's what the yin-yang of this was about...how could it not rhyme? That's my humble opinion anyway....and perhaps the fact that the rhyme didn't work for some proves my point for me.( my now feeling restricted by it)  
Anyway....I hope I answered some of your questions and again...I thank you so much for the time and effort you gave this...and its great to see your name back here.


thanks again to all who came by
jm
  

Cant stand up for fallin apart
Cant see through this veil across my heart, over you-
Youll always be the one.
You were the first, youll be the last

Interloper
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 11-06-2000
Posts 8628
Deep in the heart


51 posted 05-31-2002 09:36 AM       View Profile for Interloper   Email Interloper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Interloper

While you never grace my work with your insightful and delightful comments, I never fail to read your work.  My two cents worth is saying that I don't care what the format, if a work is good, it is good.  If it carries a thought, a message, or just entertains ... whether rhyming or not ... structured or free verse ... then the poet has done her/his job.

Fool, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write.

[This message has been edited by Interloper (05-31-2002 01:54 PM).]

Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 11-08-1999
Posts 9405
Pennsylvania


52 posted 05-31-2002 09:42 AM       View Profile for Elizabeth Santos   Email Elizabeth Santos   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Elizabeth Santos

Your expression is amazing, why do I feel I am you when I read your words?

I guess you touch something deep within
You write not with a pen, but with your heart
This is truly superb, and overwhelmingly touching

hugs
Liz
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


53 posted 05-31-2002 12:23 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Interloper..... "never grace"?  Off hand I can recall several of your pieces and duets that you and SEA have done that I have replied to... maybe not recently but since you brought it up....lets be honest...you're not often on my work either.
Bear with me here.....

I have received several Emails about this reply and some other issues that came up on this thread and I feel the need to address some of it here--since I have become aware how much attention this is getting.
First of all I am not upset with any ones honest and sincere constructive replies...
and I love those of you who have been "protective" and concerned...you make me smile.
I am not here as much as I used to be (there was a time I did 50 plus replies a day)(crazy as that was) but I am a self admitted moth and poetry-aholic   ...yes, I do miss peoples work now and I feel bad about that( more than is probably healthy) but it cant be helped....and when I am here with limited time, I feel like I have to divide my time to those who do read my work regularly...these forums are too heavily posted now... no one can keep up. I can make the same point that Interloper made to me...there are quite a few who I often reply to that have not been on my few postings of late...but that's life in the "big forums" Its never about numbers to me.....its about trying to return the respect given....my poetry always is well received and believe me, I never take that support for granted....and while we are being honest... we all realize there are personal issues and personality conflicts that go on behind the scenes that may effect who we reply or dont reply to....in the end we all have to be true to ourselves first. I am here for the poetry...for a deep need and love for reading poetry....the fact that I rarely post my own work should prove that. But I have also been honest in saying that I am here too much and am trying to work on that. And I hope this is all taken as I intended..so much seems to be misunderstood in this written medium.

Back to Interloper....I am most sorry for neglecting your work and will try to correct my oversight in the future....  
that being said and all of the above being said was with no animosity intended...
I sincerely thank you for this -- what I believe to be a sincere and encouraging reply and I do appreciate your insight. Thank you much for such kind words and support of both my replies and my work.  


Liz ... thank you for such a touching and lovely reply....sometimes when we write...
we have to write to release the emotions and how we dress them up is not as important as the expression itself....thank you for understanding that was what I needed to do here. My struggle with writers block and my moody muse is well documented here *L* Its always a comfort to know others understand.
And welcome back....Youve been missed  


my love and respect to Poetry Land
jm


Cant stand up for fallin apart
Cant see through this veil across my heart, over you-
Youll always be the one.
You were the first, youll be the last


[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (05-31-2002 01:10 PM).]

ThUnDeRkYsS
Senior Member
since 09-23-1999
Posts 739
Wisconsin


54 posted 05-31-2002 05:25 PM       View Profile for ThUnDeRkYsS   Email ThUnDeRkYsS   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ThUnDeRkYsS

This was absolutely wonderful I must say.  The way it was written really got me into it, I'm very glad I took the time to read it.  Very often I am limited by time and shy away from long work and am SO glad I didnt do that this time.  I feel this place has changed a lot since I came here, especially reading the replies to this wonderful work of yours.  I never was on tons due to my busy life usually and am trying to get back more now.  It's too bad when all the politics of large forumn antics make their way into such a great place and stir things up too much... sway people into following others or trying to "fit in" or whatever.  I am open to all kinds of work, free verse, rhyme or not poetry is about feeling and portraiting what is in your heart, not judging people on how yours should look more like his, and "if you want a good example of REAL writing, take a look at this."  But the more people in one place the harder it is to get away from that and one thing is for sure, this place has grown since I joined back in Sept. of '99.  Great work again, thanks for this wonderful read   {{HUGZ}}

Strive for higher levels, if they seem out of reach... Grow, and they will get closer.


devina
Member Elite
since 10-28-1999
Posts 3189
Northern Cali


55 posted 05-31-2002 07:35 PM       View Profile for devina   Email devina   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for devina

Very late with this one...so glad I found it Janet...

this is amazing...just thought you should know!!!

I've missed this from you sweet girl!!!

*Hugs*

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...


esclandre
Member
since 06-11-2001
Posts 62
Northern California


56 posted 05-31-2002 08:49 PM       View Profile for esclandre   Email esclandre   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for esclandre

between the poem and the comments, i feel a little out of my league. i'm not very good at rhyme myself, that's why i write free verse (or at least try to. sometimes it doesn't come out like i'd wish it would.) *g*

esclandre
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


57 posted 06-01-2002 06:53 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

ThUnDeRkYsS .... Thank you for your kind words...Its good to see your name here again...thank you for taking the time to read my purge   Yes this place has grown so much, but thanks to Ron and the mods constant efforts, as big as its gotten the site still runs on respect...much smaller sites dont fair as well as this poetry giant does.  Thanks so much, I hope you'll be able to stop in more often

Devina ... hey girlie-girl!!....and its never too late have a freind stop in
thank you for the kind words and its good to have you back with us too!!

esclandre ... thank you for coming by and for this sincere reply ...no one here is out of their league....thats the beauty of this place...each is allowed the space to express and explore the style of poetry that they find most comfortable in and then are given the tools and encouragment to learn and grow and find new inspiration as well. I have learned so much here and been inspired so many times by the amazing poets here.


thank you all your insight and generosity
Peace and Poetry  
jm

Cant stand up for fallin apart
Cant see through this veil across my heart, over you-
Youll always be the one.
You were the first, youll be the last

MidnightSon
Member
since 05-15-2002
Posts 328
between the gutter & the stars


58 posted 06-03-2002 07:34 PM       View Profile for MidnightSon   Email MidnightSon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for MidnightSon

simply astonishing work. it literally made me stop and it glued me to my screen.

i can't pick out my favorite lines....this was heartfelt and provocative.... made me feel like you were speaking my mind's thoughts in some places. like you were couseling me for a few lines....

---------
""Some things are better left unsaid ...
left buried like the dead, left alone in my head.
Some things are better kept inside ...
you don't know the times I've tried,
you don't know the tears I've cried."

     "I know you better than you realize ...
after all, I see you through your own eyes.
With me there's no rejection ... I am your true reflection."
------
amazing, inspired words. you write from the place inside that hurts to stay and linger in. that's hard.
later gifted gator


"The soul is oftentimes a battlefield where reason and judgement wage war on passion and appetite."

[This message has been edited by MidnightSon (06-03-2002 07:35 PM).]

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


59 posted 06-03-2002 11:38 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

MS...you humble and honor me with this gracious rely...thank you so very much...
the parts of this you understand...leads me to believe we've walked many of the same roads, and thats the gift of this place and poetry...the reflection of ourselves that we find in one anothers words.
thank you Poet Sir...and again..welcome to poetry land

When man is lead to arrogance, poetry reminds him of his limitations
When mans concern narrows, poetry reminds him the diversity of existence

JFK

baerlon
Member
since 01-14-2000
Posts 213
Youngstown and East Liverpool,


60 posted 06-13-2002 09:32 PM       View Profile for baerlon   Email baerlon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit baerlon's Home Page   View IP for baerlon

Don't know where i was  when this was posted but these lines really hit me.

Some things are better left unsaid ...
left buried like the dead, left alone in my head.
Some things are better kept inside ...
you don't know the times I've tried,
you don't know the tears I've cried."

thx

There's a peace inside us all
Let it be your friend
It will help you carry on
In the end
There's a peace inside us all
-Creed

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


61 posted 06-14-2002 07:29 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

Hey bae.. dont worry..I cant keep up in here anymore either...thank you for taking the time to find this one in back pages...it means much to me...
thank you for letting me know you felt something in the words,
take care
jm

You ...
You are still a whisper on my lips ...
A feeling at my fingertips.

DV

SiO2
Junior Member
since 06-05-2002
Posts 24
New Zealand


62 posted 06-23-2002 08:51 AM       View Profile for SiO2   Email SiO2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SiO2

Can it be you seek to see, that infernal tragedy
The loss of singularity, with inner eye of peace.
Or is it that you wanted to, interpret that which haunted you,
By talking the whole thing through, with the only one that understood you…
Yourself?
Great write – I thought at first it was a little over done but you kept it going all the way through – good work!
Ps thanks for the comments on mine.
SiO2
Junior Member
since 06-05-2002
Posts 24
New Zealand


63 posted 06-23-2002 08:53 AM       View Profile for SiO2   Email SiO2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SiO2

Can it be you seek to see, that infernal tragedy
The loss of singularity, with inner eye of peace.
Or is it that you wanted to, interpret that which haunted you,
By talking the whole thing through, with the only one that understood you…
Yourself?
Great write – I thought at first it was a little over done but you kept it going all the way through – good work!
Ps thanks for the comments on mine.
BloomingRose
Member Elite
since 08-09-2000
Posts 3124
Florida


64 posted 06-27-2002 12:27 AM       View Profile for BloomingRose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BloomingRose

This is... truly amazing writing.

Deb
Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


65 posted 06-27-2002 11:41 AM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

SiO2, forgive me for missing the chance to thank you for this intuitive reply....

"Or is it that you wanted to, interpret that which haunted you,"
yes..that is it exactly...for its these things that take my muses words and silence my pen.

thank you so much and again welcome to Passions.  


Deb....hey you!!  Welcome back girlie....thank you for the kind words for taking the time to find me on back pages...good to see your name here again.
EagleOne
Member Elite
since 03-07-2000
Posts 2858
Between a laugh and a tear...


66 posted 07-02-2002 07:47 AM       View Profile for EagleOne   Email EagleOne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EagleOne

Just me wandering around in the dark again! ya know there are times, lot's of times, when your words just blow me away...

Maybe all one can do is hope to end up with the right regrets.  ~Arthur Miller

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


67 posted 07-02-2002 12:10 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

thank you Eddie...for always taking the time when you are able to be here, to find my work....youre faithful, tried and true
and groovy too

We wish ourselves beautiful ... and cry in the night.
Its not the love you fear ... but the fall from the height.

E. McCain

Dee
Member Elite
since 08-19-2000
Posts 2361
Queensland, Australia


68 posted 07-11-2002 12:40 AM       View Profile for Dee   Email Dee   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dee

You know something JM girlie? I miss your words too. Couldn't find anything new so I hope when I come back there is a thing or two for me to read

Love
Dee

Stand straight and tall, not the reflection as others see you, but as you truely are.        Clearwater

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 01-22-2000
Posts 18986


69 posted 07-11-2002 11:43 PM       View Profile for Janet Marie   Email Janet Marie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Janet Marie

I hope so too Dee-girlie....
me moody muse has took off for the summer...
well one of us should get a tan, right
thanks sweets...youre so good for my spirit.

Now for me some words come easy
But I know that they don't mean that much ...
Compared with the things that are said when lovers touch.

J.Browne

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


70 posted 06-15-2005 02:14 AM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

I found it!  Told K was on a mission to find this and found it!  This is my second favorite about the ocean of course as this part I just loved...

"I know you better than you realize ...
after all, I see you through your own eyes.
With me there's no rejection ... I am your true reflection.
Yet from me, you now feel the need for protection?
You used to say I was the one who gave you direction."

     "What about the times you leave me behind?
Need I remind? It's you who takes my words away ...
where's the intentions of kind when you're gone to stay?
For now it's probably better this way,
for all the things I'm feeling these days ...
there'll be no right words to say."


However, you know what I loved on this poem a lot? It was your response of honesty and directness on getting in touch with your muse, (just as you are honest, direct, and caring with everyone you speak to.)  I love it best when you have these conversations "with yourself" JM, they truly are allowing us some insight into living a better life in general.  

Now I can go to bed as I found it (sort of sad but I can always read tomorrow.)

Happy Birthday Moth Lady, and know this...

~* You are loved big time! *~
Dark Angel
Member Patricius
since 08-04-99
Posts 10270


71 posted 06-15-2005 05:58 AM       View Profile for Dark Angel   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Dark Angel

WOW JM...this absolutely floored me.

it's a

Happy Birthdayyyy



mxx

"we all have wings, but some of us don't know why"

Michael Hutchence (INXS)

 
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