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Open Poetry #20
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Raz
Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51
Quebec, Canada

0 posted 2002-05-04 07:20 PM


Near dawn

I slide my arm from under you,
squeeze reluctant life into my fingers,
work muscle and sinew to waking strength
and lean a breath away
so as not to wake you.

In this twilight myopia
your face indistinct, familiar
as the road home, your hands
half-curled, arms crossed
over your chest;

between full night and sunrise
I must decide whether to leave you
to dream, barely animate,
push back into my pillow
and own plain scent

or steal you from sleep,
risk that my breath has turned
from ambrosial to jungle-rot,
my smile from a perfect list of teeth
to stained and square.

Or rest, sure time is not fleeting,
that you will always wake to find me
more beautiful than when you left,
comfortable in knowing I need not fear
your having traveled.



© Copyright 2002 Raz - All Rights Reserved
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
1 posted 2002-05-04 07:22 PM



In the first read, I drew a smile
in the second, it widened,
and in the third read, I'm downright grinning
that you know very well this person next to you, and that her dreams only took her back to you, after all....

Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
2 posted 2002-05-04 07:23 PM


Or rest, sure time is not fleeting,
that you will always wake to find me
more beautiful than when you left,
comfortable in knowing I need not fear
your having traveled.

Well done. Enjoyed. Chris

Life is not measured by breaths you take, but by moments that take your breath away.

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
3 posted 2002-05-04 10:30 PM




(smiles) Oh Raz, I too got a smile on my face reading this, sweet friend, I too believe the more we travel and learn from our surroundings, the more beautiful we become and accustomed to our wisdom and our won philosophy and then others get that impression that now we can narrate the beauty that lies within better than ever before! (sigh) This is excellent and thoughtful, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Raz, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Marsha
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
4 posted 2002-05-04 10:39 PM


Raz darling boy OH MY this is so amazing, a simply stunning example of your craft, I think it’s beautiful, the flow simply exquisite and the content is utterly utterly fabulous.


Love and warm stuff
As always
Mushy


To give light to them that sit in darkness..... to guide our feet into the way of peace Luke 2:79


Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
5 posted 2002-05-04 11:06 PM


...Incredible write!!...

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Ivy Rose
Senior Member
since 2001-12-29
Posts 1300
MA, USA
6 posted 2002-05-05 12:32 PM


Raz...How beautifully you phrased your early morning thoughts of someone you loved.  Very intricate and skilled writing.

***Ivy Rose

Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
7 posted 2002-05-05 12:39 PM



Raz, you have a gift, and it's so evident in this beauty.  

Take care,
Melissa~

"Poetry is not an opinion expressed...
it is a song that rises from a bleeding
wound...or a smiling mouth"

~Kahlil Gibran~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
8 posted 2002-05-05 07:48 AM


Raz,
You have become one of my favorites. And this poem is a gem.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

9 posted 2002-05-05 09:50 AM


exquisite. oh my.

I will be reading more of you.

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
10 posted 2002-05-05 10:04 AM


enjoy
Victoria
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Ascendant
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869

11 posted 2002-05-05 03:22 PM


I enjoyed your lovely words Raz..nicely penned..

             ~Victoria

Aimster
Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297
Charlotte, NC
12 posted 2002-05-05 03:43 PM


raz,

prior to this...i had never read you
before. this is just a really wonderful
write that had me smiling. from now on
i will be reading you much more often.
take care.
amy

"you can't stop
the rain
from pouring down
can't stop the
world from turning 'round
can't stop me from
loving you
no matter
what you do"

Raz
Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51
Quebec, Canada
13 posted 2002-05-05 03:54 PM


Sunshine, Chris, Noah, Mushy, Enchantress, Ivy Rose, Melissa, Seymour, serenity, vandana, Victoria, Amy,

I’m glad you all enjoyed. Hope my future posts don’t let you down.

-Raz

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
14 posted 2002-05-05 06:30 PM


Raz

Love the tender honesty in this, the doubt and the love washed in late night thought, a poem...enjoyed.

Severn
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704

15 posted 2002-05-05 07:56 PM


Very melodious..which sometimes works, and sometimes doesn't in freeverse. This does...I like it..

K

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
16 posted 2002-05-06 05:14 PM


Raz - beautiful write, I'm glad I found this one of yours...

BC

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

17 posted 2002-05-06 08:09 PM


Good stuff.
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