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A sonnet, a challenge...
| Open Poetry #20 |
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A sonnet, a challenge... |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
I want to see sonnets up here. I want to see all you talented poets try some form. If you haven't already, it will open new realms to you and your writing, trust me (some of these realms only accessible by banging your head agaisnt ten-syllable lines....)  (I can't write iambic pentameter to save my life, but I'm working on it.) End of Tides Once time knew a younger earth, moon-smitten, and tide, lunar-raged, washed coasts with ardour. Each ebb passionate, flow so much harder to abide than what romance has written. Gravity’s circuit seeks balance within; astronomers predict the day when our dear, sweet moon will turn her face forever, and end of tides; sea moved sole by wind. Time may fear the inevitable day when moon and earth give airs of harmony, pretend a debonair independence; or, when these spheres in perfect balance stay, ebb and flow no longer a mystery, find great beauty still in love’s resplendence. -Raz [This message has been edited by Raz (05-02-2002 10:49 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Raz - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
  (smiles) Oh my gosh, I just love the imagery in this, sweet friend, your gorgeous words always reflect the moon in such splendor and joy always! (sigh) This is wonderful, sweet friend, may Lady Luna reach out to us all and offer us the symphony of harmony, sweet friend, we all love you so much! This is fabulous! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Raz, thank you for sharing!  May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Raz, I agree that practicing structures of poetry is very beneficial to the practicioner....good idea. You are true to the ten syllables but I'm afraid a sonnet requires much more, consisting of three quatrains and a couplet for a total of fourteen lines. The final couplet should stand alone and serve as a summary of the previous twelve lines. The rules are slightly more forgiving in the rhyme scheme. One sonnet form calls for A-B-A-B while another may use A-A-B-B but, to my knowledge, it must be one of these two forms, with the final couplet, of course, being A-A. Yes, iambic is necessary. One hint I can give you is that lunar-raged, gravity and inevitable can never be iambic words. Also a sentence cannot begin with an accented syllable to be iambic. Your sentences beginning with once, each,gravity, dear, time and ebb are trochaic, the opposite of iambic. I would be happy to work with you on this structure if you would like. I applaud the effort... |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
Balladeer, I'm not sure why, but the Shakespearean sonnet never appealed to me. Maybe something about the couplet resolving it all (nothing is ever that simple). I prefer the octave and the sestet. I take liberties with the iambic and the rhyme scheme, but at the same time do not profess to write great sonnets. One of my favourites is Gerard Manley Hopkins' 'Pied Beauty'... Glory be to God for dappled things -- For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow; For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim; Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches' wings; Landscape plotted & pieced -- fold, fallow, & plough; And all trades, their gear & tackle & trim. All things counter, original, spare, strange; Whatever is fickle, freckled, (who knows how?) With swíft, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dím; He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change: Praise hím. I am quite open to all technical advice you have to give (lord knows I need it... mostly mucking my way along and faking it). -Raz |
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Magicmystery Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
Raz, not quite a sonnet but a cool poem anyway.... I always wondered what would happen to life in the sea without the push and pull of lunar gravity.... and how would man have learned to count the months (note the word Moonth a measure of time by the phases of of dear Luna.) if it wasn't for her consistancy... Lovely write my dear. Sherry Cherish the good memories past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
Glad you found something of interest here, Sherry. The moon is a lady with dark, dark hair. -Raz (and that's 'la' salle de bain... ) |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I've tried sonnets...I've been told to stick to free verse...  but who knows, the bit of rebel in me may decide to try one more time for the halibut... uh, you Were talking about ocean tides, weren't you? |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
Raz - Feel free to join us in the workshop if you want to experiment with formats. Your Petrarchan format is intact - I enjoy that one as well.. It's really only your iambic pentameter that needs fine tuning. I'd be happy to assist if you'd like - Your choice, of course...  |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
LOL! We should all muck along and fake it as well as you can! Yes, I can understand the difficulty and even displeasure of trying to summarize a sonnet in just one couplet at the end. It almost obligates one to write the couplet first and then present the thought in 12 lines afterward since the explanation is the true 'hammer' of the piece. Thank you for not mentioning the fact that I'm a dolt for dwelling on the Shakespearian form and completely dismissing the Petrarchan. It's not a form I have ever cared for and it's easy to block from my memory Your replies are as gracious as your poetry. I shall work on some iambic advice this week-end and send it by e-mail. |
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Raz Member
since 2002-04-30
Posts 51Quebec, Canada |
sunshine, yes, about ocean tides (among other things). Nan, I will drop in as soon as I have something presentable. I do stress the 'experimenting' when I do form... you'll have to bear with me. (Or rap my knuckles sufficiently hard.) Balladeer, tact and honsesty (and a little grace doesn't hurt) are paramount when it comes to discussing poetry. I'm sick and tired of elitist, snarky poets who think they're king of the world when they're only pacing in very small cricles at the top of their own pile of manure. This place is a refreshing change from that, and a great, inviting, construcive place to learn. A 'dolt' is technically 'a stupid person'. You're far from that, friend. Thank you. -Raz |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
"I'm sick and tired of elitist, snarky poets who think they're king of the world when they're only pacing in very small cricles at the top of their own pile of manure." With those words, good sir, you have made a friend for life. I second that emotion.. |
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