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Open Poetry #20
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Stillborn (revised)
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Stillborn (revised) |
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wornways Member
since 2001-10-18
Posts 204CA, USA |
Stillborn That cloud of dust couldn’t have shown a fair potential, Even as its core exploded bare potential. Imagine the joy in the glowing heart of Sol To learn his third wife gave birth to rare potential. After countless ages, a mother raped of life, Watches forlorn as her fierce young lair potential. One often ponders from her place within the night, “Are they blind, that they not see their tear potential?” News of this plight has spread beyond the sterile stars, “What a grievous loss if they lose their potential!” His would be the grief such to quell his very fires, Should his children die in shunning square potential. No-one questions like Zahhar the human kismet; Will we ever come to seize our spare potential? [This message has been edited by wornways (05-02-2002 09:54 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Erin A. Thomas - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I am glad you added the "revised"...because I remember this from the other day, as you now point out, being the "unrevised" piece... What brought you around to revising it so soon? |
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wornways Member
since 2001-10-18
Posts 204CA, USA |
sunshine: the horrendous monorhyme i used in the previous revision. it had to go. it REALLY had to go. now, the only truly questionable word in the monorhyme is the way i used the adjectival form for "tear". i didn't know it existed, and it fairly blows my square mind. but, the OED shows a defitionition for the adjective "tear" thus: Fine, delicate; of the best quality. this is the obsolete usage with the earliest quote being from the mid 1500s. but, a related meaning found its way into an absolotute adjective (adjective as a noun) where you could refer to something that is of the finest or best quality as "tear". however, the use of tear as a direct adjective describing a noun fell out of use..... i just brought it back. |
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wornways Member
since 2001-10-18
Posts 204CA, USA |
this piece just refuses to stop writing itself. another edit made to second line of the third couplet. seems to flow better now. i wish i could make the whole thing flow as such. lol |
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