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Open Poetry #20
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Stillborn
| Open Poetry #20 |
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Stillborn |
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wornways Member
since 2001-10-18
Posts 204CA, USA |
Stillborn That cloud of dust could not have shown much potential; Not even as the Sun flared to thrutch potential. Imagine the joy in the glowing heart of Sol To learn that his third wife had born such potential. After countless ages, a mother, raped of life, Tries to tell her brutal young to clutch potential. One often ponders from her place within the night, “Either they are sightless, or they grutch potential.” News of this plight has spread beyond the sterile stars, “What a terrible loss if they slutch potential!” His would be the grief such to quell his very fires, Should his children die, before they glutch potential. No-one questions like Zahhar the human kismet; Will we ever grow enough to touch potential? |
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| © Copyright 2002 Erin A. Thomas - All Rights Reserved | |||
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wornways Member
since 2001-10-18
Posts 204CA, USA |
i'll be the first to say it: this is a great example of what happens when you thrutch a great idea into an restrictive form that is TOO restrictive for the expansiveness of the idea in question. the idea and this form are, by all means, a missmatch, and i see that. but, it's written now, and unless i am profoundly blessed with a sparkling means of revising this with a new monorhyme that can fit with most of the existing sentence structure, it's going to stay as it is. lol now, this one needs a glossery, because the more unusual words are the fault of the full OED, and you'll not find them in your websters or anything BUT the OED. THRUTCH: "push/thrust" as a single word, also squeeze/oppress GRUTCH: hold a grudge against SLUTCH: to become muddy, to make muddy, to mire GLUTCH: swallow, even if painfully, but get it down the hatch [This message has been edited by wornways (04-29-2002 12:22 PM).] |
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Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Erin~ I think it makes for a heady read~  I believe the portmanteau's are effectively done~ -------------------------------------------- portmanteau n 1: a word formed by joining two others (e.g., `smog' is a blend of `smoke' and `fog') -------------------------------------------- Perhaps the definition will make it easier for others ? I hope I got the idea right ! Nicely done~ *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
sincerely n-joyed it shirts eye view |
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Magicmystery Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
Thanks for the definitions.... I glutch it with a couple glasses of water.LOL I like your style.... had to read it again.... much more there than can be absorbed by the first read. It would be a shame to waste our birthright seeing as we have been given such a gift: our planet, LIFE. Ours is a fragile existance, not something we should take for granted. Your poem moved me deeply. Thankyou. Love, Light and Peace, Sherry Cherish the good memories past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
I am being thrutched ... but I don't know which way ... yet  |
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wornways Member
since 2001-10-18
Posts 204CA, USA |
thank you folks! love that this poem could reach you despite my poor taste of a monorhyme. a bit of lightning struck me on the nob last night and i have an idea for a replacement monorhyme that will fit in well with the existing sentence structure and will not force me to sacrifice the idea of the poem. i'll post it when i manage the time to revise it. very glad to see your thoughts about this. i'm amazed that the message was strong enough to shine through the blundering my choice of words. what REALLY blows me a way is that, out of the now 50 ghazals i've written to traditional form, i've not yet used this monorhyme, and it's one of the most obvious rhyme schemes available. i'm possitively dumbfounded. [This message has been edited by wornways (04-30-2002 10:59 AM).] |
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