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Open Poetry #20
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2002-04-26 02:49 AM


"you know," she said,
and she sat nervous,
hands in twitch of twine of yarn--
I don't believe I'd seen that done--
the balling up of life undone...
and like the literature in gaze
just like the movies
she portrayed
she sat and rolled herself apart--
and licked the frays of fingered heart.

"I thought--" she said.
She hesitated...
"I knew.." she sighed.
I knew. I waited.
"I couldn't
let him down you know..."
I worked the knots
of yarn let go.

I fed the strand
to nervous hand
as she balled up all her strife...
"I wish..." she said
in tremor's stand,
"I wish that I could knit my life."

[This message has been edited by serenity (04-26-2002 02:53 AM).]

© Copyright 2002 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
1 posted 2002-04-26 05:38 AM


don't we all.. I really liked the way you thought this one out

M

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
2 posted 2002-04-26 05:55 AM


ms serenity
you blend a pair
they share the same thoughts
the same body
they are one of a kind

enjoyed it

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

3 posted 2002-04-26 07:40 AM


hands in twitch of twine of yarn--
I don't believe I'd seen that done--
the balling up of life undone...

and like the literature in gaze
just like the movies
she portrayed
she sat and rolled herself apart--
and licked the frays of fingered heart.

====================================

gawwwd I love the way your mind in rhyme works....could those lines and metaphors be any cooler? And you know I am loving the conversational format of this ( what a relief--someone else's muse hears voices too)
very very cool write me twin...love the bittersweet wisdom of the end ... and, only you could make knitting this cool.

Professor Gloom
Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082
of Depression
4 posted 2002-04-26 08:22 AM


When I read your poetry I hear other voices
Adding to the richness that is there already
Such as:

"you know," she said, and she sat nervous,
eyes giving a far off sparkle
hands in twitch of twine of yarn—
soft of varied colors of a muted rainbow
“I don't believe I'd seen that done”
she turned toward me and her hands continued,
she sighed and continued slightly softer

“the balling up of life undone...
and like the literature in gaze
just like the movies”
a brief smile paused on her lips
then the light from the setting sun
casually around the curtain slips

she portrayed
she sat and rolled herself apart--
and licked the frays of fingered heart.

Hope you don’t mind
If the voices read along.

Gloom

[This message has been edited by Professor Gloom (04-26-2002 08:28 AM).]

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2002-04-26 08:58 AM


are you kidding? I wish I could claim each voice on a tax return!!!!!! I wish, in fact, that everything, was ME...yummies>
SmittenKitten
Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131
where the sky and horizon meet
6 posted 2002-04-26 09:58 AM



Serenity~ You are so cool K   Your poems are so uniquely you...I'd pick one out anywhere!  This poem is so profound and touching....it's going into my library so I can print it out and read it again and again.

*hugs*
~Krista

Your beautiful words & creativity allow me to connect with the same in myself.  
Thank you for having the courage to share yourself so that I can too

SmittenKitten
Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131
where the sky and horizon meet
7 posted 2002-04-26 09:59 AM



Woops...   That check mark will be the end of me!

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
8 posted 2002-04-26 10:11 AM


Karen

What a great concept!  I really enjoyed this.

Soleil Noir
Senior Member
since 2001-12-19
Posts 688
USA
9 posted 2002-04-26 10:14 AM



This has a deep ache to it
and for some reason,
that particular rent in the
fabric of this life
shall never quite be the same...

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
10 posted 2002-04-26 10:20 AM


serenity
Wonders upon wonders I am jealous of this one
Excellent.

ecrivan
Member Elite
since 2001-12-10
Posts 3923
my own state
11 posted 2002-04-26 10:49 AM


and a wonderful knit of words this is liked the hand imagery too


Opeth
Senior Member
since 2001-12-13
Posts 1543
The Ravines
12 posted 2002-04-26 11:27 AM


I had to read it twice...quite original and fresh ~ excellent use of metaphors to describe the poem's story. well done.
devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
13 posted 2002-04-26 12:38 PM


Loved your saying so much in this round about way...think it's time for a night out...(you should be on your way to Cali right now!) *G This speaks volumes me sis...was a pleasure as always!!!

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...



Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

14 posted 2002-04-26 01:32 PM


way cool, k.
really like this one.

"Grab a pen, grab some paper, do yourself a little favor."    e

bsquirrel
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855

15 posted 2002-04-26 02:29 PM


My favorite poem of yours. But -- am I the only one who sees this? -- this has nothing to do with two women knitting. (otherwise wouldn't it be called two women, knitting?) Hmm....  (imagination overdrive!!!) Anyway, loved it!

[This message has been edited by bsquirrel (04-26-2002 03:06 PM).]

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
16 posted 2002-04-26 02:54 PM


what colors would you knit your life in??  and, what kind of a stitch would you use??

(I ask great questions huh??)

excellent. . . I see that you've been flying and wondering yourself. . .

------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

17 posted 2002-04-26 03:21 PM


wow.

Thank you, all of you.

Sometimes it's the simplest images that hit home.

Now excuse me while I go carve that in stone...(I am SUCH A DITZ!!!   )

I DO love you all, yanno... Um, and Mike? BLESS YOU ME BOY!!!!

[This message has been edited by serenity (04-26-2002 03:47 PM).]

Magnus
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
18 posted 2002-04-26 06:19 PM


I could see her sitting there...fretting
over the ball of yarn....so many questions
and so few answers...

Don't we all have these feelings...

YOU done good girl!

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
19 posted 2002-04-26 06:24 PM


Me, too my friend..what Magnus said....to kint or quilt our lives...to lay it out before us
in so all of it could be seen at once...would we cry, go slight crazy, laugh, or just say "duh"....I wonder if any of us could stand such a vision and then quietly just walk away.


Deep write dear friend!

jwesley

Mistletoe Angel
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
20 posted 2002-04-26 06:46 PM




(big huggssssssss) Oh Karen, I can feel such sadness but beauty too behind these words, sweet friend, I too wish we could watch over our hearts closely like a seamstress or weaver at work so we can be comfortable witrh what we can expect! (kiss on cheek) This is powerfully expressed, sweet friend, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Karen, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Silver Streak
Member Elite
since 2002-01-02
Posts 3625
FL, USA
21 posted 2002-04-26 07:00 PM


A wonderful write, serenity!

((serenity))
-newell

Sharing God's Love through perfectlovepoetry.com

Copyright: 2002 Newell Elsworth Usher

rwood
Member Elite
since 2000-02-29
Posts 3793
Tennessee
22 posted 2002-04-26 10:14 PM


This..is poetry. A wonderful weave of chainlink metaphors and truth. We wish but we don't..sometimes I want to come unravelled..maybe start over..maybe try a new groove..This is sooo cool.. You inspired me..

Sincerely,
Reg

Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
23 posted 2002-04-27 09:21 PM



Dang girl, I just LOVE the way you write!  You turn images into gold.  And, you're one of the rare few at passions that I always relate to.  Excellent writing...

Take care,
Melissa~

"Poetry is not an opinion expressed...
it is a song that rises from a bleeding
wound...or a smiling mouth"

~Kahlil Gibran~

Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
24 posted 2002-04-27 10:29 PM


hands in twitch of twine of yarn--
I don't believe I'd seen that done--
the balling up of life undone...
and like the literature in gaze
just like the movies
she portrayed
she sat and rolled herself apart--
and licked the frays of fingered heart.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Karen!  This is such a way cool write!
AND very very unique!
Enjoyed this keeper so much!
~Hugs~

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
25 posted 2002-04-27 10:48 PM


serenity,
Wow...sweet lady I am so taken by this. It's a keeper. Wow.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

26 posted 2002-04-28 12:05 PM


hand over heart thank yous to all.


paladin
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Senior Member
since 2001-08-05
Posts 930
Pensacola,Fl.
27 posted 2002-04-28 12:14 PM


I must admit I have dropped a few stiches in the fabric of my life.Too bade you can't just unravel it back to the mistake and make it right.

paladin

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
28 posted 2002-04-28 09:43 AM


serenity - many thoughts here. Great write, I like it very much...

BC

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
29 posted 2002-04-29 10:05 AM


"I couldn't
let him down you know..."

How many of us have become unraveled for just such reasons. *S* This is superb, serenity... one of those reads I didn't want to end. *S*

Larry C
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
30 posted 2002-04-29 11:20 AM


serenity,
Maybe those two old ladies have some more pearls of wisdom. (no pressure...really...well a little!)

It's never too late to have a good childhood! Woohoo!

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
31 posted 2002-04-29 02:03 PM


Serenity~

'I worked the knots
of yarn let go.'


Tough to do ... but, thank god, it can be done~

Touching knit-of-knot my friend~
*HUGS*
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
         noles1@totcon.com                    

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