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Open Poetry #20
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Sven
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Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

0 posted 2002-04-24 04:29 PM


daystars dawn upon his Solstice flight
sailing through the sky on Universal streams
he finds his way to the heart's true light

moonrays fade now from his sight
as he leaves the land of once-broken dreams
daystars dawn upon his Solstice flight

once lost in the darkness of that night
he learns the way of starshine beams
he finds his way to the heart's true light

he sees that long will be the fight
when ears hear the heart's dark screams
daystars dawn upon his Solstice flight

he longs to feel dawn's full might
he finally learns what it all means
he finds his way to the heart's true light

his heart now feels the power of right
and now, as it breaks at its seams
daystars dawn upon his Solstice flight
he finds his way to the heart's true light

----------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

© Copyright 2002 John Garcia - All Rights Reserved
Secret Whisper
Member
since 2001-01-25
Posts 298
Through the Looking Glass
1 posted 2002-04-24 05:19 PM


I don't know how you could improve upon this piece. The diction is very good ( I particularly liked the tone of the first stanza.) Kudos to you.

"Why should I live? Why should I do anything? Is there in life any purpose which the inevitable death that awaits me does not undo and destroy?" -Tols

Startime
Member Ascendant
since 2000-10-03
Posts 5918
Canada
2 posted 2002-04-24 05:23 PM


The magic in your words
paints a vision that makes me sigh
The vision within your words
brings a tear to the eye

thank you...**big big hugs**

Love I leave with you whether it is in your life now or yet the essense of your dreams.

vandana
Deputy Moderator 5 Tours
Member Patricius
since 1999-10-22
Posts 10463
USA
3 posted 2002-04-24 05:28 PM


enjoy your read
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

4 posted 2002-04-24 05:35 PM


now yanno I love a flight of magicical poetry! Beautiful---and you reminded me that Beltane is the next Sabbat--and THAT is MY holiday!

I don't often getto hear the male point of view--so I particularly enjoy when you write in this style. Blessed Be!

Mistletoe Angel
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Member Empyrean
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon
5 posted 2002-04-24 08:00 PM




WOW!!! Oh my gosh, this is such a wonderful villanelle honoring our loving lord, sweet friend, I LOVE IT!!! (big hugggssssss) This seems to me like the story of a boy longing to get to the Lord and every stanza is like getting one step closer until he is standing before His kingdom in spirit and embraced with love and hope! (smiles) God Bless You, sweet friend, this is excellent, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Sven, thank you for sharing!



May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

Magnus
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South Carolina, USA
6 posted 2002-04-24 08:41 PM


Beautifully done my poet friend...

An enjoyable ride...

devina
Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539
Cali
7 posted 2002-04-24 08:42 PM


Enjoyed your flight dearest...majestic as always!!!

Open arms can be the most fragile in the world...



suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
8 posted 2002-04-25 12:22 PM


when ears hear the heart's dark screams

This line fascinated me so I almost forgot to read the rest of the poem. *S* But as fine as it is, it's only one pearl of a superb strand. *S*

I like this very much, Sven. *S*

SmittenKitten
Senior Member
since 2001-06-20
Posts 1131
where the sky and horizon meet
9 posted 2002-04-25 12:25 PM



Sven~ This is so magical and profound, I love poems like that.  I could read it again and again!

*hugs*
~Krista

Your beautiful words & creativity allow me to connect with the same in myself.  
Thank you for having the courage to share yourself so that I can too

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

10 posted 2002-04-25 12:46 PM


he longs to feel dawn's full might
he finally learns what it all means
he finds his way to the heart's true light

Wonderful write Sven, and the repeating line patterns are very effective in this write.  Well done.

Like a red brick,
in a white wall
somebodies brush
forgot to paint...
lonely....(as sung by Tracy Lawrence..)


Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
11 posted 2002-04-25 04:33 PM


Secret Whisper, thank you so much for your words. . .exactly what I was hoping for. . .

Startime, thank you my friend, good to see you back. . . glad that you enjoyed. . .

vandana, thank you as always my friend. . .

serenity, you know me, I've always been one to be flying. . . glad that I can present this point to you. . .

Noah, that's one way to look at it my friend. . . thanks. . .

Magnus, I find that there's always room for one more. . .thanks for coming along. . .

Devina, I know that you're right there as well. . . thakns. . .

suthern, thank you. . . that line stuck out to me as well, glad that you liked it. . .

Krista, thanks. . . I like doing magical. . . makes the mind think. . .

GS, thank you. . . I've decided to go back and revisit formed poetry. . . just to make it my own. . . glad that you enjoyed. . .

------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone
12 posted 2002-04-26 07:31 PM


I agree with the comments of "magical". This is indeed that.
Sandra

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